Is it "wrong" to prefer untouched girls?

Great Debates
41

Y’know, when I see a field of freshly fallen snow, I get the urge to run through it, just to be the first. Its childish and I know it, but its no harm to anyone.

I do apply this priniciple to realtionships. I never understood those who have the need to.

Women do not just step out of the clamshell and into your life when you meet them. Much personality is defined by previous relationships and how they worked out (or didn’t), and I could never understand how some guys never get over the past antics of their would-be girlfriends. If anything, I prefer to know how a girl has done in her previous relationship. If she was cloistered in a nunnery she will have much less life experience. I prefer a girl who’s had a bit of world experience.

42

A major factor, eh? And you call this a “preference”? It transcends preference: my preference is cheese pizza. I’ll eat pepperoni, though. And (if I’m desperate) ham and pineapple.

However, people would not call it a preference if I’d eat any kind of pizza, but refused to eat any if anyone else had take a slice first. It’s the same logic.

Sorry to any women offended by my comparing them to pizza.

43

That’s very true. When Colinmarshall says that he prefers untouched women, what he really seems to mean is that he demands untouched women, and refuses to have a sexual relationship with anyone who’s not a virgin.

44

I don’t understand why people are being so harsh to the OP. Do I think it’s a silly reason to find a girl unattractive? Yes. Does my opinion of his preference matter? Not really. He’s not me, I’m not him. I suspect he will have a hard time finding a woman to be happy with, but I hope he does. Sure, it’s possible that there is some deep-seated hatred of women somewhere in his subconscious, but I think people should stop playing Junior Psychologist.

45

The word “used” has negative connotations in our society, whether appended to a person or object. Used items are deemed inherently inferior to new or unused. This is why your use of the word in connection with women is insulting.

Your prior sexual experience has no bearing on how I perceive your wanting a virgin for an SO. Your current state of chastity is an issue, but only as it relates to your SO.

If you have sex of any sort with one of these woman and do not marry her I may call you a hypocrite, depending on your answers to a few questions. Would you consider dating this person again, if you subsequently split up, even though she is no longer a virgin? If yes, I have no issues (so far) with your stance. Do you believe a woman should “save herself for her husband?” Hypocritical. Would you consider her to be less disirable because she was not a virgin, even if you were complicit in the act that caused such a state? Hypocritical. You are creating that which you find undesirable.

If you can only, as you say, “get it up” for a virgin, AND use that term in a sexual way, I dare say you do have psychological problems. If you have a habit of “deflowering” young women and discarding them you are loathsome.

46

Your preferences are your business. They may stay the way they are, they may change. This sort of thing often does, as the supply of virgins gets smaller or as the individual involved gets older or meets an irresistable non-virgin. If you treat the women you do date well, that’s good, and I won’t fault you for the way in which you choose them.

Just never, EVER tell non-virgins why you’re not attracted to them.

Also. Question. Say you get your virgin, you deflower her, and you have a happy relationship thing going on for a while. Say you guys have sex like crazed rabbits for a few months, and she becomes quite experienced, at least in terms of what YOU like. Is she still attractive, even though she’s definitely not a virgin? If no, your friends are not only right but understating the matter. If yes, I’ll satisfy myself with just being vaguely annoyed at you for a bit.

47

I see you’ve been reading your Bible.

48

Am I reading this wrong, or did you perhaps leave out a “not”?

About the OP–is it “wrong”? It is clearly hypocritical, which I think is wrong. If you applied the same standards to yourself, it might fly, though I would still consider it pointless and misguided. Since you don’t apply those standards to yourself, then yes, it’s wrong. Why should you be free to explore and experience things, while your partner isn’t? As others have pointed out, your attitude and language suggest that you have some trouble respecting women as human beings.

I also see it as insecure, which may not be exactly wrong, but is badly misguided, in my opinion. If the only women you’ve been with were virgins, then it’s unlikely that you’ve ever had what I would call good sex. I’m not saying that a person with a limited number of lovers is necessarily inept in bed, only that experience makes sex a lot better. This experience may even be with only one partner, I suppose. But if you’ve been with nothing but virgins, unless you’ve stayed with them for a pretty long time, and unless you’re a pretty patient partner yourself, you’ve probably been having some pretty lame sex.

elfbabe raises a good point. How long do these virgins remain attractive to you, after you’ve “despoiled” them? How do you see these women after the relationships end? Do you assume that someone less squeamish than you will settle for them, “used” though they are? These are not tissues we’re talking about here, you know.

You say that you aren’t mean to people, that you are a fun, attentive boyfriend, not a sleaze. I have no reason to doubt this, except that to me, hypocrisy is inherently sleazy. I’ll even add that you seem too literate to be immature–with the exception of some poorly worded references to women and to sex, your writing doesn’t read like that of an insecure teenager. But you could still have a problem.

49

Let’s talk about the difference between preference and fetish.

If Mr. Colinmarshall prefers virgins, but will date/have sex with a woman is extremely desirable in all ways save that she is not a virgin (in other words, he’ll “settle” for her, despite the “flaw”) then it is a preference. Much like a man who prefers blondes may marry a brunette because outside of hair color she is very desirable, or a woman who prefers a luxurious head of hair on her man may marry a bald guy because of his other outstanding qualities.

If, however, Mr. Colinmarshall requires virginity, such that even if a woman is perfect in all other ways, if she has had sex even once with someone else before him, he not only will not date/make love to her but can not even “get it up” (which he did mention in the OP) then what we are talking about is a fetish. A virginity/exclusive relationship fetish.

A fetish is not under the concious control of the person posessing it. No one wakes up one morning and say “hey, I think I’ll acquire a fetish that will make getting laid more difficult for the rest of my life.” If lack of virginity in a woman renders him impotent then, on a certain level, I do feel sorry for this man. Blaming him or calling him an asshole for having it is somewhat like calling a gay man on the carpet for refusing to sleep with women. (How he handles having this fetish, and how he refers to/treats women otherwise, he IS responsible for, though, and his phrase “used woman” is offensive whether he understands why it is offensive or not)

Nor is it necessarially a reflection of being a total jerk - for all I know he had a very strict upbringing in a Christian sect that teaches this, in which case it may stem from his upbringing as much as from any personal quirk.

So, Mr. Collinmarshall, please reflect upon this matter and determine if you have a preference or a fetish. If it is a preference - meaning you could function with a non-virgin but choose not to - then you’re a jerk. If it’s a fetish - this no-prior-relationship thing is so necessary you literally are unable to have sex without it - then you have a different problem. The older you get the harder it will be to find a willing woman who meets your requirements. There is a lot of merit to the idea of you finding One Special Virgin and settling down with her very long term. Preferably OSV who is “saving herself for marriage”. You will likely be a very attractive mate in that, given your limitations, you are less likely to stray than the average man simply because the pool of available sex partners is so limited (and shrinking) and thus you have less temptation/opportunity.

However, a little polishing of your people skills wouldn’t hurt. Refering to a woman as “used” is tacky. In some circumstances it’ll get you slapped. Whether you have a strong preference or a fetish, recognize that there is some hypocrisy in your position and develop a better way of discussing it.

50

This kinda scares me because it reeks of pre-pedophilia. There aren’t many grown up virgins so where will he be virgin hunting when he is 30? 40? 50 years old? Middle schools perhaps? He said he can’t get it up for a non-virgin. Sickness abounds. This guy is wack and I’ll bet money that as his fetish grows and he ages, he will push the bounds from fetish to addiction to crime. Seek help, O Sick One.

51

To some extent I don’t find your view surprising in some ways, though it is certainly deeply worrying. That you are experienced yourself, but want her “untouched” suggests you do have some deepset psychological issues with feminity, purity, and women’s sexuality. It also suggests that you have power issues. And also that you possibly have serious inhibitions about the “dirtiness” of sex.

Because what you are basically saying is that you can only get aroused by the idea of (a) a totally inexperienced woman and/or (b) a tight virgin hole.

I think it’s less than you have a fetish/preference for virgins, than you have a phobia of sexual women. And a massive insecurity complex.

Possibly for the first time to someone on here, I would seriously recommend you visit a psychiatrist or sexual counsellor.

52

Wow. Ovverreact much? Sheesh, get a grip.

53

The view of the OP, while not pathological (I guess) is extremely narrow minded, it seems to me.

Everything about a woman is perfect, but if she’s had sex before she’s no good for you? You’re just hurting yourself; you’re throwing away a lot of good potential relationships.

Here are some what ifs:

What if a woman isn’t quite up front with you and lets you believe she is a virgin when she is not? If you find out later, do you dump her? What if you’re in love with her by that point?

What if a woman is a virgin, but wants to seem wordly so she says she isn’t? If you find this out later, do you run back to her?

What are your criteria for “touched”? Making out okay? Is a little heavy petting okie-dokie? Fellatio is out but cunnilingus is marginal?

It just seems like a silly thing to use to judge a potential partner.

54

One aspect that no one seems to have explored is that this might be a germ or bodily fluid phobia, or to put it as maturely as possible, maybe the OP finds it “icky” to boldly go where some man has gone before. Not a totally insane viewpoint given the number of heinous diseases out there, but one that could be more easily resolved by gently querying the potential partner about safe sex practices and maybe even (very tactfully) asking for medical assurances.

Then again, it could just be the OP is rather young – some things that matter a great deal in your teens are no BFD a few years later.

55

GaaaaH! Yes, there should be a “not”.

:smack:

56

Is it “wrong”? Well, no, all’s fair in matters of the heart.

Does it make you sexist with issues and steered well clear of by most women? Well, yes.

57

Whoa… okay, I attacked the OP with the rest of them, but really guys, this is getting out of hand.

Yes, I think this is a fetish. It does go beyond mere preference (I prefer small breasts, but I can “get up” for the more well endowed the porn society).

However, the only way it could go beyond its current state (to paedophilia) is if something was wrong in the first place. If that is the case (and that’s definitely not obvious to me), then I’m just glad he’s going for untouched women his own age, as opposed to young girls or something…

58

Well, I wouldn’t say it’s “wrong,” exactly, since what you’ve described is a feeling rather than an action – but it’s a feeling that will almost certainly make you miserable, make the women you date miserable, and cause you to do things that are wrong, if you don’t take steps to change it. How you do that is your call, but the folks who have suggested therapy are probably on the mark.

59

How do you know that the women in question are virgins?

Most twenty-something women in most Western countries have had sex a few times in their lives. As you get older, your dating pool will dwindle to nothing. Of course you might find the odd laicized nun who just left her order…

60

I guess my biggest gripe with this guy is that, by only having sex with virgins, he is ruining them for all the rest of us guys who only want to date virigns. Kind of like the guy who goes to the supermarket and takes a bite out of all the best fruit and then puts them back in the bin instead of actually buying the fruit.

You only want to date virgins? Fine. But at least be considerate to the rest of us and MARRY the woman once you’ve slept with her instead of just using her and throwing her back. Nobody wants your sloppy seconds, dude!

Regards,

Barry

The above post was meant as an ironic statement and not a serious representation of my beliefs, just on the off chance somebody is unable to tell