Men are very wary of 20 and 30 something female virgins - Is it with good reason?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Re this Salon article (req short ad preview) the notion seems to be that mature female virgins are potential oddballs who will fixate on you and/or have high emotional expectations for the man who is their first, and potentially be very emotionally vulnerable.

I could see this for teenagers, but is there any truth to this for mature female virgins re the expectations, and fixating and vulnerability part? As an adult female gets older, and is still a virgin should the red warning lights flash faster? Should they flash at all?

Intro to article below

2

Aren’t male virgins put in the same spotlight?

3

I’d love to find one of these women!

4

Or more so. After all, female virginity is still prized by some people/some cultures.

The OP is so alien to me I can hardly understand it…men getting turned off and disgusted by virgnity? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some are, but to think the majority are? Not my experience, for sure.

5

I would expect a teenager just to be a girl having sex for the first time.

If she was a 30 year old, I would expect that she had been saving herself for something special. If I was a guy just playing the field, I would be worried about her becoming emotional/clingy/whatever.

I totally get that vibe. I would seriously wonder why she hadn’t had sex before, and have to really be into her to want to go through with it.

After a certain point, I see it.

Who made the joke about the Islam martyrs in heaven. . .a virgin or two might be nice, but after a while you’re like, “bring in a professional, would ya?”

6

I also have no idea where these people are coming from. I don’t think I’d ever date a virgin knowing that she’d never have sex with me until we were married, but I’d have problem dating one if she just hadn’t found the right guy. Either way, I wouldn’t react as if she had leprosy.

7

Um, yeah… that’s really weird. A lot of men don’t care one way or the other, of course, but IME it’s somewhat common for men to be wary of sluts and desire a virgin. In fact I’ve never heard a guy say that virginity was undesirable in a woman. (Que discussion of double standard of male vs. female promiscuity.)

8

The article seems to be addressing fear of virginity (by men) mainly in the context of the potential dam of pent up expectations that will break once the act is consummated, and flood the countryside with emotional expectations.

9

Make that, “I’d have no problem dating one if she just hadn’t found the right guy.”

10

That would be “Dennis Miller.”

11

See, I’ll grant that that’s probably far-fetched. As if you’d wake up the next morning and she’s saying, “OK, when can you meet my parents?”

But, that said, I’d definitely be more worried about it with a 30 year old virgin than with a non-virgin.

12

I dated a 30-odd year old male virgin and wouldn’t ever do it again. It had all the hallmarks of screwed up, stalker behavior.

If we shared the same values (both of us saving ourselves for marriage) it would be different. But he was “forgiving me” for my indiscretions - fine if I’d regretted any of them.

13

Advice to you CNBC* people out there:

  1. Lie.
  2. Manage your expectations carefully.
  3. Study non-celibate behavior and model it.
  4. Lie.

In the words of a salon.com reader, “This debate is all about society’s need to crush everyone who doesn’t strictly conform to its ‘mainstream’ dictates.” Don’t let yourself be crushed.

*Celibate, Not By Choice

14

You, my friend, are behind me in the looooooong queue

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You can have my spot.

You guys seriously want to line up for a 30 year old virgin? It’s not a 17 year old virgin. It’s a 30 year old virgin. You really think that’s hot? You really want to be a 30-year old’s first lover? :confused:

16

Go with that thought. What does it mean to you? What does it have to mean to the rest of us?

17

If things had been different, I would have been one of these 20-30 something female virgins.

I was painfully shy and very serious in High School and during my first years as a full-time college student. Working, studying and trying to get through the academic process ate up the time that my comtemporaries spent dating and having sex.

There is nothing wrong with a woman who has never had sex. She may have been to busy with getting her career started to date or maybe (gods forbid) she wanted to know who she was before she shared herself with another person.

18

Its been my experience that guys want a virgin, no matter the age. They want to be the ones to “take the innocence.” And they won’t think, “Gee, hes not that good.”

19

While I won’t be lining up anytime soon (I value my life and Mrs. D_Odds would be taking it away if I did), I can honestly say that regardless my age, it never mattered. All that ever mattered was whether or not she wanted to do it. If yes, let’s go. If no, let’s stop. If waiting for a ring, however, that would have been another story. I wasn’t about to make that kind of commitment without a test drive (never encountered that situation, though).

20

The less rational side of my brain entertains a few fears about dating a 30-year-old virgin.

-What if she’s that way because she sex has never been a priority for her? What if that doesn’t change?

-What if she discovers she loves it so much that she suddenly feels compelled to fuck every guy she sees? (Happened to a friend of mine.)

-What if her first time results in “That’s it? That’s what the big deal is? Gee, I barely even felt a thing.”