Am I the only one to find it strange that both of these guys apparently found it not only appropriate but downright pleasant to chat about former lovers while cuddling with someone they hadn’t even had sex with yet?
I’m afraid that I’d assume there was some kind of religious thing going on. I can’t imagine asking a lady, however. “When was the last time?” What kind of question is that? If she brings it up, then there’s a reason for mentioning it (I’d hope that the reason would be more “I was a virgin until later tonight, so don’t get too freaky” rather than “God won’t let me, so don’t get your hopes up”).
If he asks, he’s a jerk.
I already did. I suspect that there is a lot more emotional baggage with a 30 year old virgin than anyone of “Casual dating and sex” age would want to deal with.
My question is to people who are going “GET IN LINE, MAN!”
Apparently they think this is hot. . .a 30 year old virgin.
So, why do they think she’s a virgin at the age of 30?
Either
- She probably isn’t that hot at all, virgin or not. Hasn’t had boyfriends, or HAS had boyfriends, but got NUTSO when it got to having sex-time.
OR
- She’s been saving herself for that someone special. I’m not criticizing you if that’s your thing, but it’s not the kind of thing that should induce the “woo hoo, get in line” stuff. Is this the kind of thing that these guys are getting in line for. . .that finally they can have sex with that girl who’s been waiting for that someone special? I don’t think so.
A 17 year old, nice tight skin, perky tits, virgin, exploring things for the first time. . .sure, I see why guys think that’s hot (personally, I’ve outgrown that, but whatever).
But, of all the reasons I can imagine that a 30 year old hasn’t had sex yet, none of them are hot. By the time I was 30, I just wanted someone who knew what they were doing. . . AND, were going to be reasonably cool after we’d had sex. That’s not something I would expect from a 30 year old virgin.
The either/or part is where you go astray, Trunk. People have more stories than you know, or I guess, want to know.
I think this is the exact problem. Some guys are going to think that a woman who is too busy with career stuff to have sex is a woman without much of a sex drive. The average guy (and a lot of the guys on this board have revealed this mind-set) think that anyone who has gone more than a month or two without sex is insane, and have a hard time relating to people who have been celibate for a long time before relationships. They would view mature virgins the same way…“they musn’t like sex very much if they can do without for so long”.
And the typical male libido also would have problems with someone thinking they had to completely understand themselves before having sex. Heck, I’m almost 50 and I still have days when I don’t know who I am! That’s an evolving process, not a finite skill. It’s not like learning to ride a bike, after all…self-discovery doesn’t have an end-by date. So I can see why a guy would be bewildered by that kind of explanation.
I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with those rationales, just that I can understand how a guy would be puzzled by someone denying their sex drive, and would be worried that it signals a disinterest in sex in general, not a “waiting for the right person” point of view.
EXACTLY!
I’ve deleted three posts trying to come up with that one.
Hot coma victim?
I admit it, I’d be put off by an older virgin, because I’d first assume hyperreligiousness, then mental instability. (Especially in the case of male virgins, yes that’s a double standard, but I can’t help it.) But if I were the virgin in question I would be way more put off by someone asking about my experience in such a bold way.
Though it goes against my better judgment to be honest at all times, if I were in that situation, I would lie. Maybe not so much about going “all the way” (since, come on, a guy would be able to TELL, I bled like a fountain and cried the first time), but at least about having prior relationships and some sexual experience. If he truly is “the one,” you can tell the truth to him later, and if he’s a good guy he won’t give a shit.
::inner feminist:: If you are not beautiful in the popularly accepted sense, you can’t have an intimate relationship with another person? Growl, snarl. Stupid pop culture::inner feminist::
Ahem - I know I fell into the “ugly virgin” catagory. Anyway, back to the OP:
It takes some people longer to develope than others. If a person is a late bloomer, it shouldn’t be held against them. Not everyone hits 15 or 16 and immediately starts looking for sex.
Guess I’ll be a voice of dissent here…I really find the idea of a virgin at that age to be a turnoff. At 30, you just expect…I want a woman who knows what feels good to her, and has at least a working knowledge of what feels good to a man. I’m just not into the whole candles and make-love-on-a-bearskin-rug first time thing. I’d be terrified that I might traumatize her beyond recovery by doing something that a 30 year old woman with a normal sexual history would expect (or at least know how to refuse). I like my first time with someone new to be either really hot, or very laidback and light-hearted. Serious stuff is for serious relationships, and if two people are serious before they have sex together, that’s great, but it’s not usually like that in my experience.
The knowledge that it’s her first time ever would squick me out, and make me feel alot of pressure to make it amazing, which is the best way to make it not amazing. People can act cool about it, but if a girl is still carrying around her virginity at 30, there’s alot of psycho-sexual baggage tied up with it, and I just don’t want that kind of situation.
Virgin at 20 though, no problemo, always glad to help out. 
One word: vibrator.
I like sex. I have been through loooong periods of time without a partner. If you have a healthy attitude about masterbation, you can do without a man until you’re ready.
Kinda with Grossbottom here. A 30 yo virgin would make me wonder what else was wrong with her. Anybody who can’t get laid by that age has some issues I don’t want to deal with. It may be a belief system, a stringent moral character, a too-high standard in a partner…whatever. There are many other fish in the sea for me to hassle with this one.
With 15 years between 15 and 30 there’s “slow development” and “not trying/issues”.
Sex is just too natural to me. If there are reasons in your life for which sex is something you’ve put off until your thirties, be it religion, someone special, ick factor, fear or whatever; you’ve got way more vested into the decision to have sex than I could or would ever want to cope with.
Like someone once said “I don’t have to be first, I want to be next.”
Dating and meeting people in an impersonal society gives rise to a lot of stereotypes. They come out of self-protection – nobody wants to be stalked, after all. But there’s no clear line to be drawn. Society winds up “protecting” itself from a “class” of people who really aren’t all that alike, or all that different from the rest of society.
No, I want to know.
I really want to know what a guy finds so hot about a 30 year old virgin that he’s going “That’s going to be a loooooooong line.”
Is it just knee-jerk, frat-boy, “high-five me, Bro, I tagged a virgin” ? Or is there something to it?
I’d be kind of interested in that answer too.
Well…in my culture it’s very much a “no one’s been there before me”. Those men don’t even like sloppy seconds after years.
Generally, it’s probably related, plus a nice guy might be thinking of all the nice stuff he gets to teach her. I mean, there’s no denying it’s nice to teach someone something and have them really enjoy it!
Otherwise it may just be a knee-jerk thing.
I pretty much agree with what Trunk said. I find virginity to be more of a turn-off the older the woman gets. It’s not like it’s been an issue for me in a long time but when I was young and single, I was always wary of virgins. It wasn’t that I thought they were physically repuslive or anything, I was just worried that they would want something much more emotionally heavy than what I wanted (sex). Part of it was that (exactly as Trunk said) I couldn’t think of any very appealing reason why a woman would still be a virgin. I worry that they had social problems or worse were super religious and either way, it would require more work and emotional investment to get what I wanted out a relationship (sex) than I was willing to put in. I admit, I was always worried they were going to get emotionally clingy and want to marry me if I ever had sex with them. It wasn’t completely selfish, it really had more to do with not wanting to hurt the other person than anything else. I wasn’t willing to break a girl’s heart (in my perhaps overly arrogant mind) just to get a piece of tail. Plus, a virgin isn’t going to be very good at sex anyway.
Fuck no. Too much pressure. With how some sex is romanticized in novels and film, I am sure I would be a great let down. I think you would be pressured to do something with candles, waterfalls, horses, or beaches that just doesn’t happen too much in the real day to day world. Just think to how many people you know that say their first time was a “Wham Bam, Thank You Ma’am” type of thing… That would be a total let down.
[QUOTE= Mouse_Maven
]
One word: vibrator.
I like sex. I have been through loooong periods of time without a partner. If you have a healthy attitude about masterbation, you can do without a man until you’re ready.
[/QUOTE]
So how you doing?.. 
:
: Married. :: Mouse_Spouse is a little intimated by my electric lover. :rolleyes:
Apparently, I’m the only person who believes that a woman in her late twenties/early thirties can be a virgin and not be needy, clingly or very religious.
Wasn’t there a study in the past couple of years that said girls & women who took virginity pledges were more likely to do anal, but still consider themselves abstinent?
Just food for thought.