Happily married as well, so no harm, no foul.
I never said that one shouldn’t wait, if that is what they desire. I just feel that with my “past”, I am a more caring lover now.
My point was that by their late twenties/early thirties, I am sure a woman would have some sort of “idea” in their head of what it should/will be like the first time and this idea might lead up to some real dissappointment. For me anyways, time in the sack is part love and part physical pleasure and relaxment. I don’t think I would be able to relax if all the pressure was put on me to bring the experience. It was this dissapointment factor that could have negative impacts on any relationship afterwards, with resentment being one emotion that I would fear the most.
But see, I lost it when I was 20 and had real expectations of what it should be like and was disapponted also! I think that relates to the way we bring up daughters, with tales of Prince Charming and crap like that, never telling them what men are really like - fallible and normal just like the rest of us.
I don’t know that there’s any particular extra expectations after another 10 years.
One of my biggest pet peeves is how “loaded” sex is. Like you, I see this act as part love and part physical, but we add so much more to this. If the relationship is getting serious, wouldn’t it be a good idea to talk about what your needs and desires are and listen to your partner? How is the performance anxiety with a 30 year old virgin any different from any other new lover?
Both men and women have expectations their first time, some of which may get disappointed. And I suspect that a 15 yo virgin (of either sex) can have more romantic expectations than a 25 yo virgin (again of either sex).
I’m way too old for it ever to be of personal interest to me, but wouldn’t it depend on why she was a virgin? If she was the shy, introverted type who found it hard to get boyfriends it’s different from the one who vowed to stay untouched for religoious reasons until married. Many years ago, I could have dealt with the first kind by being friends first, and taking everything slowly without rushing anything, but I don’t think I could have dealt with the second type at all.
Some people make way too big a deal out of the first time. The first time is almost always horrible for everybody. It doesn’t matter if the other person is “the one” or not.
I also can’t fathom how being experienced at sex takes anything away from “the one” when they eventually come along.
Oh, yes, it absolutely would. The girl in my mind is your first example - the shy quiet one. Or how about the one who WAS saving herself for marriage, because that’s what she’d been taught, but as she grew older, realized that for her at least it was a crock of shit. but now she’s in her late 20’s before she realizes it.
I couldn’t deal with your second example in a guy, either. At this point in my life I would have no problem dating a virgin male provided he wasn’t planning to stay that for long!
I really wish someone pulled me aside at 16 and said: Having an organism is a lot of work and you may never have one with a partner. Here’s a copy of Sex for One, learning who to get yourself off will make it easier. And, by the way, guys will always judge you by your looks. If you’re really lucky, you’ll find one that will love you for who you are."
The idea of a virgin, as a fantasy, is really hot. In reality, not so much.
Guys, remember what it was like in high school, and you were trying to get some from your virgin girlfriend? And she was all like “Yes, do it, take me, NO! STOP IT! I don’t think we should. Do you respect me? OK, do it, NO! DON’T!” Remember what an exercise in frustration that was? Girls like that were masters of keeping you at arm’s length, for a really long time. I remember one girl I dated who was very much like that, and when we finally got to whatever base we got to (what come between home plate and first?), my reaction to her “pleasuring” was pretty much “On what planet would anyone think THAT feels good?”
A few years back, I started seeing a woman who was no virgin, but was VERY inexperienced. When we ended up in bed, she did things to pleasure me that were – well, not pleasurable. At all. And when I didn’t climax in the first 20 seconds of this “pleasure”, she went into a crying fit that lasted for an hour, complete with suicide threats. Man, that chick had some baggage.
Well, first I will have to state that I haven’t “been” with anyone besides my wife in the last 8 years (I am 27 btw), so my experience is limited to my highschool and early college days (not too many of those wild drunken sex nights… enough, but not too many).
First the assumptions:
I would assume that if dating a 30 year old virigin, there would be a real relationship going on before we decided it was time to “take it to the next level”. I make this assumption based on the fact that they are 30 and a virgin and most likely had opportunities to have sex prior to this time, but made a decision to wait. This going to the next step would be a “major” step for the relationship, not just a one night stand.
Here is where the anxiety that is sometimes overcome by alcohol or just plain stupidity (including just being horny) in these less than meaningful relationships is much greater, due to the seriousness of the relationship. This anxiety could lead to potential disaster as I mentioned before (let down).
Now, it would be fun to belong for the learning curve (which positions she likes best, slow vs fast, hard vs soft, or any combo of the above), but I think the seriousness of the defining moment would overshadow the physical part for me. The emotional part might be enough this, but not being in the situation, I can’t say for sure…
This also leads to the issue of how long in a relationship does a couple wait before engaging in intimate acts? I am sure most males would have a much shorter wait time than most females, but that is a broad generalization without much merit.
In the cast of an ‘older’ virgin, I would assume that they would wait much longer than many guys with prior experience are willing to stick around without getting any…
Oh god, yes. But no, sex is BAD and must never be mentioned until marriage, upon which we’re suddenly supposed to be “sluts in bed, chefs in the kitchen, and housekeepers at home.” There aren’t enough :rolleyes: in the world.
