Is jealously covetous behavior? BTW, your girlfriends cute!

In My Humble Opinion
21

I read this yesterday and was bothered by some of the events as they unfolded in the OP. It wasn’t until today that I put words to my discomfort . . .

I’m bothered by how very angry the husband got. That is way out of line IMO, and didn’t help difuse the situation in the least.

Here’s my take on that particular situation: since the husband was bothered by his employee’s attention to his wife, he should have joined that conversation himself. That way, he could have reconnected with his wife, officially introduced the two (Employee, I don’t think you’ve met my wife, SuzieQ), and been part of the conversation.

22

Contrary - What he should have done and what he did do are two seperate issues I agree. There were several other people around. And I think he was of the mind that he would let his wife handle herself, as she is perfectly capable. She’s a PA (physician’s assistant) at a local hospital, she doesn’t take sh*t from anyone. I actually sat down next to MFW and FM as someone joining the conversation. When he didn’t stop then, I asked if he’d help me with another round of margarita’s down by the fire.
My friend the boss, was talking with other people and was a little annoyed, slightly twiting but non-the-less keeping his demeanor.

**I agree with those who dispise jealousy. But it is a facet of our humaness. Those who live in what’s called an open relationship, I believe are a minority.
Now I know the swinger’s and open relationship advocates will come out and blast me, but I do hope even they can recognise they are not of the majority.

23

Well, shit. I tried to weigh in yesterday on this issue when Phlosphr first posted, but the hamsters were turning on me. Now I have nothing to say, because it’s all been pretty well covered.

I am so jealous. :wink:

I do have a question, though, Phlosphr: Do you think your friend’s (IMO, justifiable) discomfort with the situation stemmed from the fact that this was happening in front of other people? In other words, do you think he’d have had the same reaction if, say, he’d been working late at the office with the kid, his wife stopped by to drop off some McDonald’s, and the kid (again, not having a clue that the hot babe he’s mackin’ is his boss’s wife) had hit on her then, without any other witnesses?

Do you think he’d have been more likely to step up and say, “Oh, BTW, Kid, have you met my wife . . . ?”

24

It most certainly stemmed from there being other people around. Don’t forget most of the people there were from his place of work. He happens to be quite high up the corporate ladder at said place of work - Pfizer - which if you don’t know is the worlds largest Pharmeseutical company (I think). So there were collegues there as well. The boss was not acting unprudent in my opinion. I am his good friend, we’ve known eachother for 20 years. He was at my house. Not making a scene is prudent and respectful in my book. His jealousy was quelled. Don’t you think?

25

Oh yes, my SO is beautiful, but she doesn’t want you to hit on her.

And her words are backed by a black belt in aikido. :cool:

26

Well said UR. and if you were at my house, the flirtor would be nicely buzzed as well making you into a veritable Kane.

27

I’m on the fence on this one. I don’t know what “goo goo eyes” is but unless he’s sexually harrassing her (like staring at her breasts or something) I can’t see why the boss got so worked up (to the points of shaking? I would have made sure he wasn’t have a seizure :smiley: )

You can count me in the “non-jealous” corner. I trust my GF enough that I could care less if any man wants to talk to her or look at her. Of course I’m not above breaking a few fingers if any one touches her without permission :smiley:

I guess we’d have to have been there but if all that was happening between the wife the the young buck was some talking and/or looking, I don’t see the hard (but I do admit it’s rude, just not enough to cause a possible scene).

28

Umm…that should be I don’t see the harm. I need to stop posting from work :smiley:

29

Philosophr

Yeah, absolutely. Hello cluemobile. Earth to FlirtingMan.

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.
You don’t spit into the wind.
You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger.

And no matter what your views on sexual exclusivity and possessiveness and jealousy, no matter how egalitarian and democratic your workplace environment, you just don’t come on to the boss’s wife under the boss’s nose unless you have pretty damn reliable evidence indicating that the boss and the wife are OK with that and the boss’s wife actually finds you cute, in that order of priority.

30

There’s also an issue of respect when it comes to openly flirting with someone else’s partner. I understand that FM didn’t realize her status as Boss’s Wife. But let’s assume for the sake of argument that he did …

It’s highly disrespectful. Flirting rights go first and foremost to the SO and it’s up to him/her whether to share them

If you are flirting with my SO in my presence, I (personally) wouldn’t mind as long as my own flirting rights were clearly acknowledged - if the person shows that they know he is MY SO and not a potential conquest for the night. YMMV, of course - some people are not at all inclined to share flirting rights with someone else, which is why you must always proceed with caution.

I think the OP did everything right. It’s hard to be the Wife in that position because if she says “Stop flirting with me, you perv!” he could easily say “Man, stop overreacting, you prude!” A difficult situation in polite company, and handled beautifully.

31

Thanks for clearing up my questions, Phlosphr. I took the ‘out of work’ comment the wrong way. I thought friend was using the excuse that there wasn’t enough work for them to keep FM on. Back to reading 101 for me :slight_smile:

Considering that FM didn’t know she was married to the boss, I think it isn’t that big a deal, though he possibly is completely socially clueless. I disagree with boss getting angry, and think he overreacted. It’s not as if FM was trying to feel her up in front of everyone.
If I had’ve been the boss, I would’ve been amused at FM’s upcoming embarrassment when he discovered the object of his affection was married to his boss, not upset and angry.
If I had’ve been the wife, I would’ve been annoyed at you for taking over, but I know many other women would’ve been grateful, so that’s a personal and subjective thing.

I can’t fault you on what you did and how you did it, even if I would’ve preferred to deal with it myself. You were very gracious and socially kind to FM, and possibly diverted some ugliness from your friend had it continued. You get a round of applause from me. (just butt out if it happens to be me instead of boss’s wife next time, though :wink: )

32

For the wife, a simple “excuse me” and a walk away would have served just fine. No need to be aggressive – just assertive. You would think that the kid would have noticed a wedding ring. But things seem to have worked out just fine the way Phlosphr handled it.

33

The wedding ring and the small ice-rink on the same finger would have given it away to Mr.Magoo!

It’s all over now, from what I hear the kid got chastised enough at work from his fellow co-workers. I’d invite him over again…

34

See, this sentence changed the whole thread for me. You gave the impression from the beginning of the thread that Flirting Man knew that the woman was married and that she was his boss’s wife; at least that’s the way i read it.

While there is always a risk in socializing with co-workers, and one should perhaps watch one’s behaviour a little more closely, it doesn’t strike me that this guy committed the world’s worst social faux pas. So he hit on a woman at a small gathering–big deal. I’m sure he made something of a fool of himself, especially if just about everyone else there realized what he was doing, but it just doesn’t seem like the sort of thing to get all steamed about.

And the fact that he didn’t notice the wedding ring or engagement ring is not too unusual. When i was in my early twenties, it never occurred to me that any woman i was interested in would actually be old enough to be married. Once i reached 30, however, i started to pay much more attention to what jewellery was on the left hand. :slight_smile:

And i really think that your friend needs to learn how to deal with his jealousy a bit better, if only to prevent the early onset of an ulcer. I understand that people deal with this sort of situation differently, but i’ve always thought that such excessive jealousy is at least partially indicative of personal insecurity and/or a lack of trust in one’s partner. Of course, jealous types often deny this, but i think their actions speak louder than their denials.

I remember when i was seeing my first real, long-term (nine whole months!) girlfriend when i was 20. I would get really jealous whenever she talked to other guys, and even back then i knew it was because i was worried that she would find them more attractive and interesting than she found me. Now i’m 34, and i’ve been with my current girlfriend for almost two years. I trust her completely, and if i saw some guy hitting on her i’d mainly just be interested to watch her shoot him down. I would certainly feel no need to step in, unless, of course, he started getting aggressive, which is another thing altogether.

I think you handled the situation fine, Phlosphr, although if the guy didn’t know that the woman he was hitting on was married (esp. to his boss!), then probably all you needed to do was inform him of that fact. Flirting Guy needs to learn a few more social graces, and your friend needs to take a chill pill.

35

Well, he says that the woman had a wedding ring and a large diamond on. I think that would be enough indication.

Also, it seems she DID try to get away, by excusing herself to the kitchen, but then he kept offering to follow her.

36

I don’t know if he was jealous in the OP or mad that the guy was disrespecting him in his friend’s house.

I think sometimes jealousy can be a trust issue. Sometimes it isn’t, though. I’m much more social than my boyfriend, and I think any jealousy on his part would be caused by that. He has many female friends who find him attractive, while I do not have male friends who find me attractive, so any of my jealousy might be caused by that.

But yeah, it’s the sort of thing that happened in high school, and we haven’t had any since.

37

Mercury said:

I’d say that’s about spot on.

38

Well if, as Phlosphr said:

then it seems as if the young guy was hardly “disrespecting” his boss, given that he didn’t know that the woman that he was hitting on was his boss’s wife.

39

Does anybody have a problem with FM’s boss bringing this into the work place. Scolding him for something he did outside of the workplace. I’ll be the first to admit that knowingly disrespecting your boss outside of work isn’t the smartest career move in the world. In this case FM didn’t appear to know that the woman in questions was his boss’ wife. Secondly, when he found out he stopped. Plus, it was outside of work. Boss man should not have used his position to intimidate and embarass FM.

It’s like me seeing one of my employees at a bar afterwork mouthing off about me to other coworkers. Might not be a great career move, but he does have his rights and I wouldn’t call him into my office the next day to scold him.

Am I wrong here?

40

I, too, was under the impression that the guy knew it was the boss’s wife. If he didn’t know, he is only guilty of making a jerk of himself with the woman herself, assuming she told him to get lost, and if she did not, not even of that.