Is my friend an addict, and should I care? (Another marijuana thread)

Great Debates
1

I apologize for the redundant topic. A search turned up tons of threads about whether marijuana is bad or not, but I think I’m asking a different type of question (or maybe I just have poor searching skills). I’m not asking about a general debate with fuzzy fact patterns, but a very specific (unique?) factual situation.

Anyway, as the title indicates, is my friend an addict, and should I care? As far as I’m concerned, my friend is an intelligent person who, under normal circumstances, is fully capable of weighing the pros and cons of his actions. If, for example, he wanted to be carpool lane “cheater,” and was willing to pay the $271 fine every time he violated the law, then I would have nothing to say.

However, I’m talking about a father with a wife and young children. After he reads his kids a few stories, tucks them in and says goodnight, he waits a little while for them to fall asleep, and then goes into his garage and gets high. His wife joins him on rare occasion, but usually does not “partake.”

I sort of get the impression that he is conflicted. I asked him once what he thought of his usage, and he said something to the effect: “I enjoy pot, and look forward to when I can use it, but I never use it in situations that can cause trouble. There may be some level of psychological dependence, but as long as it is confined to my own home and after hours, then I don’t see a problem. I never have enough in my house for the government to care, and if I ever were caught, I’d just take rehab and get the charges expunged in 2 years.”

I have no reason to believe that he ever has or will use harder drugs, and I have no reason to believe that he would ever use pot in a situation that put himself, his family or his career in danger.

What do you think?

2

I think you just answered your own question. I think the difference between a habit and an addiction would be self control. Sounds like your pal has his head on straight.

3

I think that so long as it doesn’t harm him or his family, it’s nothing to worry about.

There are any number of things you could compare this to. Some folks spend a couple hours playing video games after the kids go to bed. Some folks watch television, some go jogging, some read dirty magazines. Would you be concerned if your friend went jogging every night after the kids’ bedtime?

Worry about it when it actually has some negative effects.

4

Other than the fact that using marijuana already puts his family and career in danger, I don’t think that marijuana is addictive.

5

Since the OP is concerned that his friend may be an addict, let’s try another substance which frequently get’s compared to pot.

Would anyone be concerned if he was having a beer every night?

6

IMO, that is the safest and most responsible use. I am a user myself and I try to constrict using to the confines of my house, or other’s houses. I wouldn’t drive or go to work influenced. I even get a little nervous about being in public. Who is that hurting?

That is my perspective just shy of verbatim! There is only a psychological dependence (which even that, I believe, is different from user to user), and IMO it’s quite easy to quit. Once you are clean for a certain time, the rest is easy (similar to running, you hit a plateau). Of course, a fear of mine is getting caught but due to my limited use I am not too woried. I never have more than 4 grams at a time, either.

Do not be worried, let him toke.

7

Pencil Pusher: Given what you say, I think you need have few worries about your friend. It seems to me that he has it under control. If he has only small amounts and uses only at home, I don’t believe the cops will ever bust him.

Ilso_Lund: I think I am correct in saying that the experts have concluded that marijuana is not physically addictive to some people; however, it is psychologically addictive to some people, myself included. I have beaten addictions to amphetamines and alcohol, but I will be tokin’ the Demon Weed until the day I die.

8

My bad. Please omit “to some people” after physically addictive. I’ve been up too long; time to go to bed.

Unfortunately, unlike Pencil Pusher’s friend, all I have for a nightcap is brandy. :cool: :smiley:

9

How does his wife feel about it? Not that she would tell you, most likely, but does she mind having him do this every evening? Would she perhaps prefer that he spend the evening in her company, with his mind clear? Is her participation because she doesn’t mind and likes occasional episodes herself, or because she wants to spend some time with him and will take what she can get?

That would be a red flag for me, but then I have some strong opinions about dependence on any substance. And I have the example of my BIL, who has pretty much devoted his life to his psychological dependence on pot. He doesn’t have much else; he’s sacrificed it all. Which IMO is pretty sad.

If his wife, or his best friend, were to ask him to cut down to every other night, what would he do? Could he do that?

10

Thank you all for your replies. I think dangermom tapped into exactly what my concerns are, even though I couldn’t put them into words myself. His usage does not affect our friendship in any way, and it apparently doesn’t affect his relationship with his kids, and the only thing left is his relationship with his wife, which I have no business in.

Well, I personally have no reason to ask him to cut down the usage, and I see no reason to “test” him on the matter. Whether and why his wife would ask him to cut down his usage, I have no idea.

Unless other compelling arguments are forthcoming, I think I’m not going to worry about the issue anymore. I highly doubt that I would ever perceive something in his marriage that he didn’t already know about, so there is no reason for me to ever go there.

Thanks, all!

11

Psychological addictions are not a big threat unless there are other problems. You can be psychologically addicted to anything. A fair number of us are psychologically addicted to SDMB. Is that a red flag?

Let me rephrase that. :smiley:

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

12

I was addicted to pot for a decace, and have been in recovery for over seven years now. My behavior patterns while I was using were nothing like your friend’s. It definitely interfered with my life, and I definitely used in situations I should not have, and I definitely had enough around at most times to get me in real trouble should I have been busted.

Just giving you a point of comparison. From my perspective, what he’s doing sounds like use, not abuse. I can only wish I had as much control over my pot habit as he displayed.

13

I think you should watch the scene in Half Baked when Dave Chapelle’s character goes to an addiction support group. You should also recognize the difference between addiction and dependence so that you don’t confuse habitual use of pot w/ that of coke or nicotine. Hell, golf isn’t addictive, but I’ve sure seen some people create a heavy dependence.

Step back for a moment. Your friend is smoking a plant. It interferes with his life in no meaningful way. And you have no reason to expect that it will. Why do you think that you should be concerned? Respectfully, I think you should meditate on that question.

14

A couple of days ago I’m on the SDMB and I realize I have to pee. No big deal, right? Except that I continued to open and read threads for a LONG TIME after I realized I had to pee until I absolutely couldn’t hold it any more. I had to run to the bathroom and just barely made it.

15

As the child of an abusive (verbal and emotional) father who was both physically and psychologically addicted to pot, whose usage directly contributed to his abuse of his family, and also to the family’s financial problems, I have kind of a slanted view on this.

But if your friend honestly feels that his habit does not (and will not) adversely affect his relationship with his kids, his wife, and he isn’t putting the family at financial risk to continue his habit, I would say it’s OK. He may have to keep in mind that once his kids are old enough to know what pot is (and that’s younger than he might think), they’ll figure out what he’s doing. I knew what my dad was doing by the time I was about 5 (and my sisters both did, too). However, our family situation wasn’t necessarily the same as that of your friend. Our dad was a raging asshole when he didn’t have pot and he was useless for anything other than vegging out in front of the TV when he was stoned. Probably the worst month of my life was the month he had to go without when my parents were trying to get life insurance and he knew he’d have a blood test.

Your friend may want to cut down on his partaking as his kids get older and catch on to what he’s doing. I also strongly suggest he educate them about drugs and alcohol (ie, this is something I do, you don’t have to do it, but I won’t condemn you if you do, but these other drugs are probably not a good idea, etc.) He also may want to keep in mind that if there’s an emergency in the night (say, he has to rush a kid or his wife to a hospital), would he feel able to do what might be necessary if he were stoned? (drive, make medical decisions, etc.) Just because the kids are in bed for the night doesn’t mean they won’t need him til the next morning. I know my dad couldn’t have done those things, were they necessary, when he was stoned. If I were your friend I’d monitor my behavior to make sure a habit didn’t become more important than my relationship with my wife and kids.

I wish my dad had done that. :frowning:

16

Strictly speaking, “addiction” is when the natural neurotransmitters are replaced to the point of exclusion by artificial ones, which is why the closer the match, such as Oxycottin, the greater the risk. When you cross the line into addicition, you no longer have the ability to porduce your own endorphins, so life becomes a single-minded quest for the substitutes. This is why it’s called a “fix,” and junkies use the phrase “get well” to describe injecting.

Before we become addicts, we have to maximise abuse to the chemical level above. For example, if I were to have a run-in with a coworker, rather than going back to him or her after a cooling off period to resolve the issue, or, it that’s not possible, I went home and discussed my frustrations with a friend or my SO (or even logged onto the SDMB for enriching interreation), I would be appropriately using human contact to regulate my emotions.

If, instead, I reached for the bottle or the baggie to regulate my emotions, those daily frustrations would go unresolved. That’s abuse. That doesn’t mean that any use is abuse; but if my daughter were to ask me help her with her homework, and I refused because I was really into a thread in Cafe Society, my priorities would probably signal abuse.