Is my nephew gay ?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My brother, a redneck football fanatic/coach has a 16 year old son. I haven’t seen all that much of my nephew untill they moved to my town recently.

Now my nephew is an extremely good football player, big burly and tough on the field. He plays middle linebacker for his new high school team and yesterday made quite a few tackles. His attitude and demeaner as I observed him at half time and following the game was animated and exuberant.

Yet during the summer he appeared so depressed, and seemed to ignore the girls who were definitely trying to engage him. I fleetingly entertained the idea that he might be gay.

Another side of my nephew is his love of animals. He was in tears when it appeared that they lost their cat following their move. My brother, an avid fisherman valiantly struggles with his desire to go fishing with his son even though to keep the peace he is forced to release every fish. If my brother ever catches that elusive 70 lb. spring salmon with the nephew on board, he will have to make a choice between his nephew or his trophy. Recently, while on an (extented family) campout, my nephew emptied out all the bee catchers in order to rescue the tiny critters.

Now yesterday, following the football game, my wife was on the phone talking to her gay sister in Texas. The conversation got around to my nephew as the wife related the animal lover stories I just outlined. The gay sister commented, “Sounds like he’s a little light in the loafers”.

Now when my wife repeated that comment to me, I struggled with the meaning of the phrase. Yep, she said, it mean it sounds like he’s gay.

Now my sister-in-law could well have been joking. But what do you think ? My nephew is certainly very unusual.

2

He likes bees, so he’s gay? :confused:
A 16 yo boy who is shy around girls? Call the Emergency Services.
And playing football makes him…?

Maybe he’s a pretty normal teenager who’s bahaviour maybe be based on things other than sex.

3

As a fairly non-stereotypical straight guy, I have to admit that it gets me angry when people who are generally smart, thoughtful and considerate assume that I’m gay.

And, ditto what Tapioca said. Someone who is uncomfortable around girls at 16 must be gay? Maybe he’s not comfortable with the role he’s expected to take around girls (probably reinforced by his football teammates) and so rather than behave in a way that challenges the way everyone expects him to be, he just acts shy and socially awkward around girls.

Just a possibility.

4

He may or may not be gay, but nothing you said makes me think he is gay - but I am not an expert. He was depressed? Depressed is not unusal for a 16 year old boy. (or girl for that matter.)

So he missed all the signals that girls were throwing at him? Not having a clue about women is not unusual for - just about any age of man.

Plenty of men love animals.

5

The question is not whether he is or isn’t. The question is…

Does it matter?

Not so, IMO.

6

I agree that it doesn’t really matter whether he is or not, and that everything can really be explained another way, but I had to:

Hey, I like bee’s and I’m… oh, right

7

Does it matter if he is gay? No, what matters is that you describe him as being depressed. IMHO, what he needs is a confidant. I’m not suggesting a professional therapist, necessarily. He may just be a sensitive and/or shy young man, struggling with normal teenage conflicts, trying to find his way.
Perhaps you could approach him? Offer him some guidance?

8

Yeah, but at sixteen I’d go from euphoric to depressed at the drop of a hat (da-amn those hormones!) I’d have moments of “woe is me I have no real friends!” to thinking “man, I’ve got the coolest group of pals, ever.” I’d go from cackling on the phone for hours on end with my friends to making mix tapes of slow songs and bawling my eyes out for no reason in particular.

A guy could have asked me out to a movie and I’d be thinking “cool, I’ve heard great stuff about Lost Boys!” and be completely oblivious to the fact that the kid was Asking Me Out to a movie. And if we both knew it was a date, it probably still would’ve been no different than going to a movie with my best friend, except that on Monday morning at shcool I’d be telling my friends that he’s a dork, and he’d be telling his friends he scored.

I remember reading a book in highschool that had criteria for “how to tell your teen is suicidal” and “how to tell if your teen is on drugs.” They both listed a lot of the same things: withdrawn, sleeps a lot, sleeps too little, room is in disorder, short-tempered, increased appetite, decreased apetite, etc. I remember thinking “Geez, I fit most of that criteria!” (And I was neither suicidal, nor using drugs.)

A lot of it was just being 16 with raging hormones and a growth spurt.

Serious depression is a whole other can of worms. But the summertime blues where you don’t have the social structure of school isn’t uncommon.

At sixteen you start realizing that college is on the visible horizon, so you have to start making some real decisions. You feel like you should be able to start making adult decisions, but at the same time you really want to be a big dumb kid and play with your siblings toys.

I also fail to see how anything in the OP indicates “gay teen.” In any case, I don’t see how that matters. He’s going to fall in love with someone some day, so lets just hope he grows up to be a well-adjusted adult who loves all critters great and small.

9

*waits anxiously for someone to post a, “Is my nephew straight?” thread

I was 16 only a few years ago and at one point I thought I might be gay, but I’m not, and if I was, big deal.

Sounds like he needs a mentor. He is just going through some hormonal, psychological, social, and just overall a whole bunch changes that are normal.

If the kids depressed, give him a hug for cripes sake!

10

It probably matters to the nephew, but I couldn’t really care less. If I actually knew him, I’d be more interested in his other (completely non-sexual) pursuits, such as football or bee rescue.

11

I’ve known more a lot more hetero men who were absolute saps about animals than gay men (my married with 2 kids little brother who had a football scholarship to Clemson is one) , and if being vaguely depressed and a discomfort with girls for large, burly 16 year old boys is/was a univeral sign of being gay I must have been flamingly gay and not known it when growing up.

He may (or not) be gay but the criteria you mentioned as indicators are absurd bordering on insane.

12

If you really must know, why not just ask him? Many times the straight approach is preferable over discussing it behind someone’s back.

But unless he’s had sex already your question would be moot. He has the same potential to be gay as he does hetero, bi, or remain celibate until that time.

When I first met my wife’s nephew I kinda wondered about his orientation too. He was very clingy and hugged people a lot, especially guys. I then thought to myself “It doesn’t matter what he turns out to be, he’s family, and I’ll love him just the same.” Though I worry about him now as he sleeps with any girl that shows the slightest interest in him.

13

NO!NO!NO!NO! Unless the 16 year boy old himself brings the subject up for discussion, you DO NOT ask a 16 year old boy if he is gay unless you are the most clueless, insensitive retard that has ever trod the earth!

1: It’s none of your business

2: It may absolutely mortify him that a relative thinks he’s gay

3: It will likely piss his dad off beyond belief if he finds out

4: Even if he is gay he may not have settled on that as a life decision at 16

Leave him a-lone.

14

:eek:

Astro is right! OMG, for the average 16 year old straight guy – struggling through the Age of Supreme Insecurity and likely for whom “faggot” is the worst insult imagineable (sadly, in many highschools it is) – if you ask him “so, are you gay?” he’ll wish he was dead!

If he’s straight he’ll think:

“Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Do I look gay?? Do I act gay?? Are guys gonna hit on me???”

Even if he is gay and he’s sorting it out, he’ll think:

“Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Do I look gay?? Do I act gay?? Are guys gonna hit on me??? AAH! Is it that obvious?? Do people know?? Am I gonna get beat up?”

No teen wants a relative asking about their sex life. Ever. Gay or straight.

The “birds and the beez” speech is probably the most mortifyingly uncomfortable moment in any adolescent’s life. Please , please don’t go asking such a touchy question, lest the sheer horror of being asked causes him to will the earth to swallow him whole!

You make yourself available you don’t prod. If he knows your sister-in-law is gay and “you’re cool with it” then he knows he’s got “safe family” to talk to. That’s important.

But if he’s straight and you ask if he’s gay… Oh, the turmoil you will cause!

15

BTW – that’s utterly ridiculous!

Most of us knew who we were attracted to well before we were even thinking about sex! In fact, I dare say that that’s how you choose the people you have sex with – you date the people you’re attracted to (then hope sex happens!) Geez, I know some 20-something virgins who are going to be mighty miffed to hear that they have no sexual orientation at all.

I knew I liked other girls when I was four years old and had a crush on a character from Jason of Star Command. No, not Jason, but Nicole!!! swoon My first celebrity crush!

16

I think it does matter . Not that I have any responsibility to the young lad, but his happiness and future wellbeing is my concern regardless, and if he was gay, with the knowlege that he’d be in for a somewhat tougher ride in life, I could prepare myself as to how I could be a good uncle to him.

And don’t worry everone, there isn’t a chance in hell that I would ask. And by the way, hasn’t everyone briefly speculated on the sexuality of a relative or a friend however briefly.

I’m very proud of my nephew and I find his sensitivity towards animals contrasting his gung ho football attitude endearing and fascinating and that principally is what I wanted to share with you today. Thanks to astro, I now know he is not unique in that regard.

17

Eeeeeeewwww… Ew! Ew! Ew! Thanks, now I have images of relatives humping! Must go wash brain!

I do not want to think about my uncle’s sex life… Or my granny’s… Or great aunts…

<insert pukey smiley here>

18

This has to be one of the craziest things I have ever heard. Empathy for animals implies homosexuality? Is this only in men, or does it work the same way for women? Or is it reversed in women?

19

I see where grienspace is coming from. If I thought my nephew (okay, I don’t have one) might be gay, even the slightest chance, and seemed to be in such a traditionally non gay-supportive environment as a football team for friends and a “redneck” father, AND seemed depressed, I’d think it was something worth thinking about.

Although I can’t say I’d know what to do about it.

20

So does that mean all straight guys kick puppies?

:confused: