Being neurotic is what, exactly? Like, being depressed? Anxious? Having some kind of character disorder? Because while self-absorption may be involved with these conditions, it is not necessarily a criterion for said conditions.
Some people who are prone to depression do not manifest it in crying jags, incessant sleeping, eating binges, or any other kind of “self-indulgent” behavior. They may actually become emotionally blunted, non-introspective automatons. Or they may strive to be “perfect” people–putting on fake happy expressions for the sake of others, not discussing their thoughts and feelings because they don’t want to bum others out, and over-extending themselves in every and all activities to keep the wall of blackness at bay. I can’t say a person like this is “selfish”. Would you? Would you call this person neurotic?
Likewise, a person with OCD, who’s afraid of getting their hands dirty and contaminated, could be viewed (with a pretty narrow lens) as “selfish”. But then there’s OCD where a person cannot keep thinking nonsensical thoughts like commercial jingles or the last word they heard someone say. However silly it sounds, it can nonetheless affect how well they function in life, just like the first case of OCD. But how is having strange thoughts, thoughts that are generated without your control and are pretty close to impossible to stop, akin to being “selfish”? Or maybe you’re referring to the reactions people have to these thoughts? Is it selfish to talk about how horrible these thoughts are? How is someone supposed to feel if they have a screaming voice looping in their head nonstop? Is it somehow wrong for them to feel, I dunno, a little self-concerned?
Or maybe I’m attaching a negative value to the word “selfish” that you didn’t intend?
I think “seem” might be the key word here. Putting aside the fact that a person can be very caring and emotional while being neurotic (if that’s even a real thing), people can act like the perfect person as a way of hiding their inner pain. All it takes is one little trigger and they can explode.
Define for us what you mean by neurotic? Are you talking about people with psychiatric disorders, such as anxiety or mood disorders, or people who are just annoying?
If we are talking about real psychiatric disorders, I would say of course they can be considered involuntary. I don’t know anyone who would want to be depressed, suffer from phobias or panic attacks, or have obsessions or compulsions.
I’m not saying the line is always clear, though. I have a weird movement disorder (probably a combo of Tourette’s and OCD…no one can figure it out and I’m probably not being much help) that makes me freeze. Like, I’ll be walking down the street and stop at an intersection. It’s hot so I’ll raise my arm to wipe my brow and suddenly I’m stuck, like the Tin Man. I’m perfectly aware of what’s going on around me. I can hear people asking if I’m alright. If I’m stuck in the middle of the street, I can hear cars honking at me. I can feel people touching me. But they don’t understand…I’m locked in the Argument. There’s Me and then there’s The Body. When I’m “stuck”, The Body is a big mass of “No”.
It goes something like this:
Me: You know, I really need to move. These people are starting to get worried.
The Body: No.
Me: This is not funny. I need to move. I’ll be late to work. My boss will be mad.
The Body: No.
Me. OK, then. We can stay like this for awhile. Because I guess I don’t care that much either.
The Body: [silence]
long pause as my thoughts loop the same phrases over and over again
Me: Is it time yet?
The Body: Yes.
So is it voluntary or involuntary? I don’t know. Sometimes my gait only becomes slightly disturbed as The Body tries to take over but Me won’t let it. Most times Me wins completely and I walk fine. But I know that most people do not have this internal, this infernal conflict. And I know I have done nothing to bring this upon myself. I’m just not that creative to come up with something as strange as this.
I also did not invite the thumping, repetitive thoughts or the hand-biting tics or the other suite of crazy-looking behaviors that have become a part of my repertoire over the past few years. I don’t know a lot of people, but I don’t think most people wake up one day and decide to be weirdos. But guess what, sassyfras. If you came to my office, you would not find me being all “neurotic”. You would see me smiling at people and going the extra mile to be helpful. No one at work knows that when I go to my office and close the door, that I do so because I don’t want them to hear me talking to myself or catch me biting myself like some kind of animal. Otherwise, I would be selfish, wouldn’t I? Isn’t that crazy? If I had diabetes or cancer, I wouldn’t have a problem telling people. They’d be 100% sympathetic. But I can’t tell people that I’ve got psychiatric problems, because that’s somehow selfish or self-absorbed. Or there must be something about me personally that makes me have these experiences. Not brain chemistry or hardwiring. But character flaws. What utter bullshit that is, IMHO.
But maybe you were talking about some other type of neurotics, not the kind I’m thinking of.