Is that a fat woman gets to see a short guy as "equivalent" a form of sexual affirmative action?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I know a couple of short men (under 5’6") who were both getting more action than ten men when they were single. Having accepted themselves and gotten over the unfairness inherent in the lottery of life, they both exuded maturity and confidence. A combo the ladies found irresistible.

The same reason bald men score while combovers winge and complain how ‘it’s not fair they didn’t get hair! Women are prejudiced!’ When in fact, the maturity and confidence that a bald man who has accepted himself puts out, totally trumps the snivelling insecurity of the guy combing his hair over his dome and pretending no one can tell!

Sometimes a person’s perceived flaws are just the excuse they cling to in explaining their failure. We all see short, fat, bald and ugly men, every day of the week who seem to have found women to love them. So your story is just that, a story you tell yourself to explain your lack of success, as being entirely external from you.

When I met my husband, he and his then girlfriend would come into the bar I worked at. She was a tall, ravishing blonde, he is 5’4"! Every time he’d head to the washroom, other men would make a bee line to the bar and try and persuade her to come sit with them and leave the short guy behind. Never once did she even turn to look at them! Just a straight flat, “Not interested!”

When they broke up, he began dating three of the waitresses at his bar! A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. One of which actually went on to become a model!

Myself? I’m the same height as him, and oddly weigh only 112 lbs! How did that happen? I guess he wasn’t aware of the short guy, grateful fat chick thing!

It’s not your lack of height that’s dooming your romantic encounters, it’s your horrible sense of entitlement to hot chicks.

I’m going to posit that the reason you feel so harshly judged by the world, (as reflected in your glaring insecurities), is because you are so shallow as to judge the females of the world as hot, or not hot!

And I’m afraid you won’t stop feeling judged inadequate on something as shallow as physical appearance, until you stop doing the same to others. Funny how the two always go hand in hand. You gotta give what you want to get. In your case, until you learn to NOT judge others based solely on their appearance, you will never be free of feeling you are being equally and shallowly judged.

Good Luck, you’re gonna need it, I think!

42

Yeah. Guys who act like they are entitled to sex just because they find a woman attractive are the kind of guys women worry will put something in their drinks.

And I know plenty of men under 5’6 who are happily married with kids. Also plenty of tall jerks.

I knew one guy who was probably 5’2, but had an attractive girlfriend who was maybe 5’4 (and, a very nice person), and used to have women hit on him a lot, because he was attractive and had a great personality. I mean, he could have been a motivational speaker or a DJ or something. People just gathered around him. He was like a social skills savant.

43

RivkahChaya:. I’m a card-carrying pork-eating non-monotheistic goy, but I think I could be Jewish on a message board. I know lots of Yiddish words!

What I’m saying is (kneels, offering up the cubic zirconium), will you marry me?

44

Hervé Villechaize was 3’ 10".

Here he is, with his first wife.

45

There, there, li’l fella.

46

Frankly, I really don’t get the whole “this is attractive, that’s not” nonsense. I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to, that simple. In some aspects, that’s in alignment with society’s standards, sometimes it’s not. I can’t MAKE myself attracted to someone, nor should I, our of some sort of supposed obligation to equality. Women, or men for that matter, can look however they want, that’s their choice, I really don’t care. However, saying that if I REALLY supported women’s equality I should be attracted to a woman I’m not, is like saying that if I REALLY supported gay rights, I ought to also be attracted to men.

No one is owed sexual interest or attraction or whatever from anyone. I can accept people as they are, whether it’s just do to how they are born or due to life choices without having to feign as if I also find those things attractive.

That said, if one is having a hard time meeting someone or staying with someone, “lowering one’s standards” isn’t the answer. As in, going “oh, I’m a short guy, I’m not getting laid, I guess I need to start banging fat chicks” is a ridiculous way to look at things. The idea of “standards” in the first place is ridiculous. If someone who society would generally rate as very attractive dates someone that society would generally rate as very unattractive, but both are really into it and they have a good relationship, is that a bad thing? Similarly, I don’t care how hot or smart or charming or wealthy someone is generally, if that person has some major red flags (big jerk or massive ego or whatever) or there’s just no chemistry, I’m not going to be with that person. So it’s not about lowering one’s standards, it’s about managing one’s expectations and figuring out what is actually more meaningful to you. Sometimes that means having MORE strict guidelines ("that person couldn’t hold a good conversation, I may need to find someone a little smarter) and sometimes loosening them to see how much they really matter. Funny enough, sometimes things people think they really want may not matter all that much, and things that seem not that important at first end up being really important.

47

After his divorce, he did ok.

48

but why is it socially unacceptable for a white woman to say in public “I’d never date a black guy” but perfectly fine to say “I’d never date a guy shorter than I am?” At least the same guilt trip forced on the former should be forced on the latter, or neither.

49

I don’t date short guys, I just use them for sex and then discard them afterwards. To coin the immortal Madeline Kahn, [short] men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

50

In most places I’ve ever lived, both were “socially acceptable”.

I think your efforts would be much more effective were they devoted towards making yourself more attractive (i.e. more upbeat, funnier, more interesting, more successful, fitter, more fashionable, etc.) then complaining about your lack of romantic success.

Once I was an overweight and romantically frustrated young adult man. I was angry about it – angry (unjustly) at the women who rejected me. But I worked to change things – not the overweight part (though Navy training helped me become a more fit but still overweight man); I remained overweight and I will always be overweight (though I have gradually become fitter). But I changed my attitude, and my approach, and guess what? I became an overweight young adult man who got a lot of dates, and then an overweight young man with a great, attractive girlfriend (over the course of a decade, several, actually), and then an overweight adult (no longer so young) with a great, attractive wife.

My problem wasn’t being overweight – it was my attitude and my approach to women and dating. Your problem isn’t being short – it’s your attitude and approach to women and dating. And there’s good news – your attitude and approach are fixable. But they’re only fixable by you.

51

And on the other hand, guys who think that they’re entitled to sex with a fat woman because she should be honored that he would even consider it, are the kind of guys who will get turned down regardless of their height.

52

Who says the former statement is “unacceptable”? I have not encountered such social opprobrium for someone expressing dating preferences ever in my 50-plus years.

53

you can’t be heard by a lotta people when you say the former; you can’t say it on TV. The latter is said on feminist shows all the time.

54

Feminist shows?! There are feminist shows and I’ve missed them?

55

Yeah, height and fat only really play into things for most non-shallow people at the extremes. I mean, if you’re a 5’0" man, things will be difficult, just as if you’re a morbidly obese woman.

But inside of those extremes, there’s a lot of latitude for things like personality, attitude, intelligence, etc… to outshine the merely physical attributes. Or hell, even for other physical attributes to take center stage.

One of the most unlikely players I’ve ever met is a friend of mine, who *as a 17 year old college freshman * was balding, chubby and about 5’9". But that guy is a freaking wizard in conversation, and routinely out scored the rest of our group of friends. Similarly, some of the chubbier girls I’ve been friends with have had NO lack of male companions, and not because they’re desperate or have low standards, etc… They dressed well, did their hair and makeup well, and learned how to flirt with guys, and came across as more interesting and actually attainable than the other ice queen hot girls in the bar/restaurant/church service, etc…

Basically unless the girls are so hung up on not dating short men, or the men are overly hung up on not dating overweight girls, there’s a lot of room for interaction there. But if they’re the typeto consider a single physical feature a make-or-break situation, they’re likely to be disappointed in what they get, even when someone does meet their “standards”.

56

I would like to point out that, statistically, anecdotes such as “I know a guy who is short, and he is married to a great woman” - or its converse - *“I know a fat woman, and she’s married to a great guy” *- are a non sequitur.

You can always find examples of this or that - in a world of 7 billion people, you can find examples of just about anything. But overall speaking, generally, all other things being equal, a tall man is more likely to be considered attractive than a short man, and a slim woman is likely to be considered more attractive than a fat woman. The anecdotes to the contrary don’t disprove the overall trend.

The fact that someone with a bad-sounding voice can still get a date does not change the fact that it is generally more advantageous to have a good-sounding voice than a bad one. The fact that someone with an ugly face can still get a date does not change the fact that it is generally more advantageous to have a good-looking face than a bad one. And so forth. These *“I know someone who is fat/short/ugly/etc. but still managed to marry a great person” *anecdotes don’t refute the fact that such traits are typically a disadvantage, not an advantage.

57

Tyrion Lannister got all the mad action he could handle (first few season, anyway). I suggest the OP try being richer, funnier and/or drunker.

58

But the point to these stories is that such disadvantages can be overcome, and complaining about the injustice is counterproductive, while bettering one’s self actually works, in terms of increasing one’s attractiveness to the desired sex/gender/etc.

So we’re saying “talking about and wallowing in how unlucky and disadvantaged you are hurts your dating prospects further, while accepting yourself for who you at the same time as trying to be more upbeat, funny, interesting, etc., will actually work.”

59

To answer your question seriously, the answer is “context”. When some people say “I’d never date a black guy” they mean that they’re not attracted to black guys, which is perfectly fine. However, there is a not-insignificant portion of the population who, when they say “I’d never date a black guy”, mean “I think black people are sub-human and race-mixing is wrong”. The latter view has a long and painful history in the US and elsewhere (to the point of mixed-race marriage being illegal in the past), and any uncertainty over which is the underlying message can cause social discomfort.

Conversely, (Randy Newman aside) there’s less of a history of codified predjudice against short people. Social prejudice, absolutely - but I’d be very surprised if there are or were laws against short people marrying non-short people.

60

Of course, I don’t dispute that one bit. But I’m saying that “I know some short people who succeeded in spite of being short” is like people who point to examples of successful African-Americans as proof that black people don’t face a disadvantage for being black.

Imagine if someone said about race in society:
*
"But the point to these stories is that such racial disadvantages can be overcome, and complaining about the injustice is counterproductive, while bettering one’s self actually works. So we’re saying “talking about and wallowing in how racially unlucky and disadvantaged you are hurts your prospects further, while accepting yourself for who you at the same time as trying to be more upbeat, funny, interesting, etc., will actually work.”*