Another “married at 19” checking in–the 22nd of this month will be our 18th anniversary. Glad I wasn’t waiting for DtC’s stamp of approval! Oh, and my BIL and his wife were both 19 when they got married–just celebrated 19 years yesterday.
You shouldn’t paint everyone with the same brush, dude!
Here’s the trick to handle unfortunate remarks.
As best you can, agree with the person.
“Yes, we are” is non-confrontational and generally lets you get away with a forced smile.
A true jerk may see this as an opportunity to keep talking. You can keep agreeing. It’s not like you cared about their opinions.
Diognes, you may think you’re just giving your opinion and aren’t talking about SanibelMan specifically, but your first post really did come across as if you were judging him and saying that he and his wife (or girlfriend, it wasn’t specified) deserved the constant comments and are shitty parents just because of their ages.
I’m not sure if it was a typo or not, but your last sentence:
[sub]bolding mine[/sub]
seems to say that being a teenage parent merits insults? Do you really think that?
If so, you deserve every flame thrower ignited in your direction.
Just because something isn’t right for you doesn’t mean it’s not right for anyone. One of the best damn moms I’ve seen had her oldest child at 15, another particularly awesome mother had her first child at 17. I’m not saying this is the rule, but if you were to say that either of these women deserve to be insulted because they had children early, then I offer you a hearty fuck you.
Fucking grow some skin for Christ’s sake, people. What percentage of teenage marriages do you think actually last.
Ok, Ok. What age is too young to get married? seventeen? Sixteen? How about twelve? Yes, you’ve convinced me. We should encourage all teenagers to get married in fucking middle school and start shitting babies before they’re fourteen. Of course teenage preganacy is a wonderful thing. What the fuck was I thinking? :rolleyes:
What are you all fucking generalization impaired? I’m saying that all things being equal it’s better to be a full grown adult before you start playing house and especially before you start bringing innocent children into your life.
Judas fucking Priest. Is there anything that people on this board won’t get offended by?
Yes, you’re right 
It was a typo but I meant to say that the woman who made the comment didn’t deserve to be insulted for being distressed by the sight of teenage parents. I didn’t mean that the parents deserved insults and i didn’t even know I had made that typo until you pointed it out.
I spent a couple of years working with inner city kids and I saw my fair share of the result of teenage parenting. There were exceptions and one of the best parents I saw had her first child at thirteen. The majority, though (and I mean the vast majority) were just not up to the task. Even the ones who wanted to be good parents were overwhelmed and needed a lot of help. There were also plenty of parents who simply didn’t give a shit, were on drugs, etc.
My first instinct when I see young parents is to hope that they know what they’re doing…and the odds are against it.
Well it’s not like you’re going to say “Yep, I married at 19, when I was like most 19 year olds - emotionally immature. And now, although still married for 12094 extra years, my life is in the shitter. It really fucking stinks, I mean that. Because, you think, hey, I’ll marry my childhood sweetheart - sounds like a great plan, right? Except for the fact that I never got the chance to go out and have some fun, meet more people… instead of deluding myself that the first person who sucked my genitals loved me forever and we could live in a magical castle. So now I spend my days pretending to have a happy marriage even though every second of every day I fantasise about what it would be like if I never stupidly tied myself down”. Dio is pretty much spot on - teenagers with babies = fucked up.
Also:
I completely agree with Diogenes. I wish the OP and his SO and kid the best, but IMO, you are too young to have kids.
As for the rest of you on Diogenes ass, grow up. knee jerking is not good for young or old.
Are you fucking kidding me? You cited The Onion?
:rolleyes:
And what is your “cite” supposed to show? That I’m lying? What the fuck do I have to lie about? I don’t even have kids, so it’s like I’m fighting for my honor or anything.
I’m not saying being a teenage parent is a good thing. All I’m saying is that being a teenage parent doesn’t automatically make you a bad parent.
And Dio, does your typo lead you to believe you overreacted a bit in your last post? Because I was going to reply but my comp froze so I had to sign back on and when I did, you had posted the second reply.
If not: get off the damn cross. No one is saying being a teenage parent is a good thing.
If so: glad we could straighten things out.
I don’t think anyone is truly advocating teenage pregnancy… but sheesh… last I checked at 18 you were pretty much considered a full adult even in the states though certain things aren’t allowed till 21.
Maybe you should have a talk with my Nanna who is not aghast (mainly) that I’m 20 and pregnant, but the fact that I’m 20, pregnant and not married. You see that’s a worse sin in her eyes. If I was married it would merely be well you should have waited a little longer but you’re married so everything is good.
Maybe I need to do a little growing up still but it pisses me off when people stick their noses in and say that I am an unfit mother merely because of a technicality. (IE I am unmarried and I am not a full blown legal adult (at least in the states as full adult rights were bestowed on me at the humble age of 18 and only for 2 months yet am I not legal world over) I was talking about stuff like this with my Dad tonight and one point I made was at least I’m not 14/15 and pregnant. I’m certain there are girls out there with less than I have and younger than I am making perfectly decent mothers and I plan to do my damndest to be a good mother.
One interesting note, I found it amazing how often people assumed kids were mine when I was babysitting and taking them out for walks or to the ark. One time I even babysat a 2 year old one afternoon while his parents were in a meeting by going window shopping with him in the stroller. I got the most ugly looks from people assuming he was mine until some actually asked and I explained I was babysitting. (I was 16 at the time)
[sub]I had a long evening talking with my father about my mom’s side of the family and how little they think of me because of this whole ‘incident’. This will be a tough time in my life but I am an adult and am able to make my own decisions and mistakes and I will do my absolute best to my abilities. As long as baby and I are healthy and happy what the fuck does anyone else need to say anything for?[/sub]
You took kids to walk to the ark?
Maybe that’s why you got funny looks!
Diogenes, I think your concern about teenage pregnancy is perfectly valid, but you’re not expressing it very well.
I am 18–just 18, admittedly, but still 18–and can’t imagine having a kid. I can’t imagine being married, or even having a relationship that lasts longer than a year. I would hate to be tied down by something like that. And I have seen the ugly things that becoming a mother too young can do to both the child and the mother. But these things are not necessarily going to happen. I know someone who is an 18 year old drug addict with one kid at 17 and another on the way already. The father is already gone. But she would be a drug addict with these problems even without these kids and I also know drug addicts who are ‘grown up.’ (The 18 year old’s mother, for example.) I am concerned how her children are going to have to grow up, but it is not because she is young, it is because she is incapable of being responsible and because she is a junkie.
I do know some young mothers who are very responsible and all of them should not be condemned because of the stereotypical image. I do think that having a child during high school is going to be a bad thing almost always but even then it is not really any of your business. Honestly, it’s not anyone’s business unless the child is not being taken care of properly and I think it’s pretty clear SanibelMan and his wife/girlfriend do not have that problem.
That said, I often do have the “you guys are so young!” reaction. When my peers have children, I find it disturbing on a gut level because I don’t consider myself grown up at all and seeing people my age with kids is a little freaky. But I think a lot of people feel that way. I probably wouldn’t mention it but I would still notice.
Yeah well lezlers y’know my little cousins always loved the ark and wanted to meet Noah and all so I figured I should take them so they could see all the animals and maybe I might just swat those damn mosquitoes!
So if birth control isn’t completely infallible even when used correctly and people shouldn’t be having children when they are 19, should everyone then remain virgins until they are old enough to have children? No sex until you’re old enough to support children?
It’s rather an amusing dichotomy – if you have children at 19 or 20, it’s too young, but if you’re still a virgin at 20 or 21, you’re pretty old to be a virgin. So what’s the solution?
The pill is pretty much infallible. The pill in conjuction with a condom is safer yet. I don’t really buy the “fallible birth-control” excuse. Birth-control only “fails” if it’s used incorrectly.
Um. No.
Ever read the back of the packet on, well, any form of birth control? The only thing 100% effective is abstinance. And I think lel covered the problems with that one.
Yeah, the pill is only like 99.7% effective. That’s pretty damn close to infallible. The pill in conjuction with a condom is 99.99% effective. The vast majority of “failures” come from misuse not from any anomalous failure of the product.
Also, only vagimnal intercourse causes pregnancy, so abstinence isn’t necessary. No one ever got pregnant from a blow job.
Vaginal intercourse, not “vagimnal.”
Overreact much? Draw wild-assed conclusions much? Pull it out, Diogenes, you’re embarrassing yourself and getting dingleberries in your ears.
Uhm the pill is NOT infallible. I am pregnant, I was on the pill at the time of conception. Yes, I’ll admit to being ‘foolish’ enough not to use a condom at the time. I won’t make excuses for that but y’know it is possible to get pregnant on the pill. It’s also possible a condom ‘pops’ during sex (have had that happen, we immediately got a new one but it DOES happen) or even it can slip off and if you’re caught up in the moment you may not notice right away that it happened (happened to a friend of mine in fact. She was laughing when she told me as the guy had to reach up there to pull it out since her fingers were too short to reach it where it had gotten to.)
Sheesh… it’s rare but it’s possible for someone to get pregnant on depo-provera where they don’t have to remember to take a pill, just get a shot every 3 months. No matter how careful you are it is still possible to get pregnant. Hell it’s not even unheard of for women with tubes tied to do so! (Rare but not unheard of)