Natalie and I were walking Michael around the neighborhood this evening after dinner when we passed a woman walking her dog. I was carrying Michael in a BabyBjorn. She saw us and said “Is that your baby? My God, you guys are so young!”
She went on to say how beautiful he was, and we smiled, nodded, and walked on.
I’d just like to know what exactly people mean when they say this. I heard it all the time. What are they trying to convey to me? Do they think I didn’t realize this? Am I supposed to go, "Oh my God, you’re RIGHT! Honey, do we still have his receipt? If we run to Target now, we can make it before they close. Thank you so much for telling us, ma’am; we never would have realized we were so young." :rolleyes:
Honestly, this sort of thing is only acceptable from our families. If you don’t know us, then it’s really none of your fucking business, is it?
Obviously, it depends on the tone of voice used to say those words, but sometimes I think it’s completely innocent, and not a judgement on you. Sometimes I think it’s the other person’s realization of their own age. How young you seem to them, and yet, you’re old enough to be a parent.
Sorry, but I haven’t seen you online in years! Obviously it’s been awhile… Michael’s 10 months old now and Natalie and I will be 20 in a few months. So it’s not as though we dropped out of high school to raise him or anything.
Unlike you, I was unable to see the facial expressions that may indicate rude sarcasm. I am also unaware just how old you guys are, or how old this lady was, but it seemed to me that she was trying to COMPLEMENT YOU. You are taking this SO the wrong way.
Well, I certainly think it if the couple look about 16/17/18 or so, but I wouldn’t say it unless I knew the couple - and then it’s because it’s a surprise.
IMO I think this is because at this age I think people should be out having a good time and I expect them to be, not having a baby and all the responsibilities that come with that.
I think having a baby is such a huge responsibility and I don’t think that the average teenager has enough life experience to grow a small person well. Having said this, it doesn’t mean that all people this age will not do a good job but I think they are a small minority.
Okay, so maybe it was a compliment. I’ll accept that. But a lot of other people have said “You’re TOO young to be parents,” and that really pisses me off. I’ve heard both a lot, and this woman tonight just sent me over the edge.
I’m going to get flamed for saying this but I don’t think it’s particularly wonderful for teenagers to be cranking out children. 19 is too young to even be married much less be having kids.
If I see a teenaged girl with a baby, I think she fucked up and was irresponsible. Call me judgemental, I don’t give a shit. Most grown-ups have a hard time parenting children, much less idiot teenagers (and the OP may be an exception but 99.99% of all teenager suck ass as parents).
A woman who is surprised or even distressed by thought of two kids having total control of the life of a defenseless infant is a perfectly rational and defensible response and does merit insults.
It’s also none of her fucking business either - not just because they’re complete strangers and she’s being insanely rude to be openly judgemental - because it’s a done deal! Baby’s here already! What are they going to do, say “oh my god you’re right, what have we done?!” and stuff it back in the womb? What if SanibelMan and his wife aren’t young’uns at all (well, hypothetically)? My husband is nearly 33 and gets carded when buying alcohol sometimes.
Said random stranger also knows jack about whether they have extended families helping out. Maybe the grandmas are handling day care or otherwise assisting the young couple, for instance.
And you know, people used to regularly have babies at 18, 19 years old and no one thought anything about it. My mom got married at 19, and her waiting until 21 to have me was considered a long time.
Save the distressed reactions for when people are letting their kids play in traffic or something.
Maybe the lady was tactless, but it’s clear she was trying to complement you on the baby.
And you guys are young to have a child - at least by today’s western standards. Fifty year ago, no one would have blinked an eye. Now, as more and more people defer childbearing to late twenties/thirties/forties even, you two are become a novelty.
Fine, Diogenes. Then I’m gonna make the assumption that you’re a dumbfuck asshole.
I don’t beat Michael. I don’t hurt him. Natalie and I feed him, change him, and nurture and love him, and he’s a strong, well-developed, healthy 10-month-old boy. It isn’t always easy and I can’t speak to the future of Natalie and I as a couple, but I am certain we will both be forever dedicated to Michael as parents. Go ahead and make your dipshit assumptions about teenage parents. Personally, I believe almost anyone who is capable of inducing pregnancy or giving birth has equal potential to be either a great parent or a total fuckup.
And please realize you don’t know the story. You don’t know how it happened. You might guess, but you might guess wrong. No birth control is 100% effective. Someone’s got to be that 1 or 2%. Not every teenage mother got pregnant buy fucking some stranger at a party with no protection. But Natalie gets treated as though that’s what happened almost every time she steps out the door with him, and it’s incredibly painful to her. Why should she pay for someone else’s hurtful assumptions?
If you have kids, then I hope you’re the best damn father on the face of the planet, because if you aren’t, then you really aren’t in too much position to speak to my parenting abilities.
SanibelMan is very mature for his years. He has been since I have known him online, that has been 4 years now.
I know 40 year old men who aren’t as well adjusted.
BTW Sani, I’m doing better than I was, and I get to be a Mother-in-law in a couple of years. Hell I already am for all intents and purposes since future daughter in law is now living with son.
I didn’t say you beat him or hurt him. I didn’t say anything about you, in particular at all.
Most teenagers can’t handle being parents. That’s not to say that they are evil and abusive but that they are totally unprepared. I didn’t become a parent until I was in my thirties (and yes, I am the best father in the world ;)) and I still didn’t know what i was getting into. I couldn’t have kept a house plant alive at 19.
You may be an exception, I don’t know, but as a rule teenagers do not make good parents. Hell, I’m the son of a teenage mother (my mother was married and pregnant at 18, I was born when she was 19). She always warned me that she fucked up (both with the marriage to an abusive man and with becoming a parent so quickly) and told me not to make the same mistakes that she made.
I’m not just going to say that it’s really great for teenagers to be having babies. I have to admit, when I see very young parents I worry about the baby. The percentage of teenagers who are capable of parenting a child is vanishingly small IMO.
Oh yeah one other thing I married for the ** second ** time when I was 19, he was 20. That was over 25 years ago. We are still happily (most days everyone has a disagreement now and then)
married
