Expect significant shrinkage.
And a completely unrelated sport, flagpole licking. Nobody wins.
Snowman making.
Ignorance fought! 
There’s a similar scene at the end of Bananas.
Okay, but do they fight crime while race walking?
Sliding rocks across ice? Oh wait.
Son-of-a-wrek is very disappointed Race walking on Ice is not a sport.
He’s also insisting out door bowling on a frozen lake would be fun.
Boy ain’t right.
Has he never seen curling? If not, send him to YouTube for enlightenment.
Two person blind ski jump. One blindfolded ski jumper with an ear piece, one guide with the same, radio’d together.
That was before he got into the chocolate business and lost his form and gained a big round belly.
Dump the blindfold and make it a Winter Paralympics event.
Psst, Ronaldo (the real one, the Brazilian) did not let such small details stop him…
There’s always ice tennis
Shame about the vid’s music, but boy is that a great idea for a sport!
Funny that nobody has mentioned snowshoeing…that’s a winter sport that doesn’t really involve sliding. Not an Olympic event…but it could be…
They did
I was disappointed when I learned that the luge was a small sled; I had thought people went down the track on their butts, which would be a good event in itself.
Possibly apocryphal story but told to me by someone I trust and who heard the story from someone in a position to know, like any good urban legend:
The 1964 Canadian 4-man bobsled team was a real underdog. Other teams liked their energy and goodwill, but their sled was so rickety another team gave them their practice sled, which was a substantial upgrade. In a sports miracle, the Canadians won the gold! In an after race interview, a sportscaster said to the person behind the driver, “was there a point when you knew you had a winning time? At this moment, we see you lean forward to say something to the driver. Do you remember what you said?” “Yes, I do. I said ‘slow down you son of a bitch, you’re going to kill us all!’”
If it isn’t true, I don’t want to know.
Oh, Son-of-a-wrek knows all about some curling. Loves that sport.
He just thinks bowling on ice, outdoors would be fun.
There’s a related winter event in the motorsport category: hurriedly squeezing a car into the garage where it’s a tight fit just before a major snow or ice storm, thus avoiding the Mixed Pairs Windshield Scraping event altogether.
Contestants are judged on weather timing and precision driving. Plowing into the workbench at the side of the garage is immediately disqualifying. So is smashing into the one at the front. These obstacles have been carefully designed by the IOC to present maximum challenge to contestants.