Only fart in the shower. Buy one of those mini-fans and carry it around.
This reminded me of the movie Orgazmo. Wasn’t it Neutered Man who engaged in fart-throwing?
I’m laughing myself silly at the memory.
Sorry, though. I have no new suggestions. Funnel and tubing, as previously suggested, seems like a “good” idea.
UGH!
I went to a boarding school in high school, and I used to save my best farts in small glass bottles, and then take them to other people’s dorm rooms with me and unscrew the tops before I left. I found that a little bit of water in the bottle has a bong-like effect, cooling and concentrating the scent into something far more intense – almost alchemically different!
On second thought, I can see the reluctance, even mostly anonymous on a message board, to admitting to less flattering things like this- epscially for those who know other members in life, and those who attend dopefests- I would be hesitant to walk into one now, after this OP. 
But one thing I really don’t get is, the notion that its perfectly acceptable to enjoy the aroma if it just happens to waft up to you, but “seeking it out”, if you will, is frowned upon- that’s like if you like the smell of flowers, but will only smell one if someone sticks it under your nose, and you would never bend over to smell one growing in a garden.
Now saying that, if someone told me that Wal-Mart now sells Fart Enhancement Kits, complete with tubing and space helmet type enjoyment dome, would I go out and buy one? Hell no. If someone bought me one as a gag gift, would I try it out one lonely evening? I’m sure I would, but I doubt I’d make it a habit.
[jc]
…the first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every fart
'Til it’s full
And then try it again,
Only this time with poo…
I can’t stand the smell of farts. I don’t think my own smell good. I don’t think other people’s smell good.
I wish we just didn’t have to do it.
To drastically change the aroma of your gas, alter your diet. To increase your enjoyment, chew cardamom pods/seeds* and incorporate more ginger* into your diet. We’re talking weird, mossy smells.
I’m a particularly good escape fartist. Whenever I shop at Target I seek out young couples and leave them with a little something to think about. For some reason it’s especially fun in the Greeting Card aisles.
[sub]* Check with your doctor.[/sub]
What do you mean “OTOH”?. If he is cupping them, he is using both hands.
Wear a big nametag on the dopefest, OP. Big enough that I can read it before shaking hands with you. And enjoy the soup, of course.
Please tell me that the editing had nothing to do with sniffing toilet paper or eating boogers?
Doing either of these has never even occurred to me. I rather think you’re in the minority here.
I won’t cop to either of those- I was just trying to come up with similar examples of things some people do but would never admit- I was going to use autoerotic asphyxiation or some other odd sex act as an example, but those are probably mainstream these days.
But if other either of two, I personally wouldn’t think it odd.
But if other **people do ** either of the two, I personally wouldn’t think it odd.
Chaucer had a pretty good idea about how to divide a single fart up so thirteen different friars could smell it.
“The Summoner’s Tale,” The Canterbury Tales
Just to clarify, that’s “put the farter on a big wheel facing ass-out, spin it around, and let everyone sniff a good one as he passes by.” I love the classics.
Am I the only female checking out this thread?
Sharing is caring, that’s what I always say. What married person hasn’t had the pleasure of letting one off under the comforter and then, ever so delicately, lifted up the edges in the general direction of their Loved One?
The car-bomb thing reminded me of the Sarah Silverman show. Her two friends rolled up the windows of a police car, farted, and then quickly left and shut the door. Their discussion of the event led to them being interrogated by a bomb squad. It sounds juvenile–heck, it WAS juvenile–but oh how I laughed.
I TOTALLY approve of the tube and gas mask method; it works great when cut hunger has built up to the point of unbearability, or you want to totally go hard core on your enjoyment. Using a mask, however, focuses the humid aspects of the cut (“shit damp”) into the nostrils and does not allow the user to enjoy the more refined aspects of the gas mix.
Instead, during times of excess flatus, try rolling a “fart joint” (“Soul is a joint rolled in toilet paper”–Funkadelic); I prefer Scott 1,000 sheet toilet paper, as do other connaisseurs. Take about five sheets together, rolled nice and semi-tight. Just before you poof, shove the joint into your anus and fart so as to maximize hot gas within the paper.
Then smoke the cut!
Draw in deeply, letting the gas rise deliciously through the mouth and up through the back of the nose, into the highly sensitive olfactory area. This is just like enjoying a fine whiskey or cognac (note that this enjoyment is totally different than when you just “sniff” the goods; it’s the difference between a scent coming to the nose from the front or from the backside!). And, just like a fine beverage, there is a “nose,” “palate,” and “finish” into which the experience may be partitioned–while you enjoy the holistic whole.
Opinions vary as to whether one should reuse the paper. I think it’s a matter of what you want. Reuse builds up “tars” which have their own special flavour and influence upon the cut. Then again, using a fresh joint each time allows one to objectively and purely enjoy what each cut has to offer.
I hope this helps. There is a blog and a message board on the subject that has given me good advice in the past, though I can’t find it immeciately now.
I’m a big fan of cropdusting (walking and letting loose a long string over a large area.)
Crowded hallways, bars, everything.
Try to see how large of an area you can get to clear.