Narcissists, psychopaths, histrionics, borderlines. Is there a certain kind of personality that gets drawn to these types of people for romantic or platonic relationships?
People who depend on external validation to feel good? Who feel they need to fix someone?
People who have low self worth?
People from backgrounds of abuse and neglect?
It seems like (to me at least) certain kinds of people end up being used and abused by cluster B types far more than others. Has anyone studied the personality types who are drawn to cluster B personality types, and what draws them in?
Cluster B is a subset of the 10 personality disorders; antisocial, borderline, histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders. It doesn’t include psychopaths. Plenty of people with pretty sound personalities of their own get taken in by psychopaths. It requires an element of self inflicted wound to end up in a long term relationship with a PD.
Codependents are often drawn to narcissists, addicts, and, to some extent, people with borderline personality disorder.
Codependency can come from wounding in the first couple years of life, when babies are learning how to attach to caregivers. I’m not sure that counts as self-inflicted damage.
I have known a couple of narcissists, so I can only speak about them. It is ironic, but narcissists can initially give a great impression, for example, if you met one at a party. I have learned that first impressions are not always accurate. I would say perhaps a quiet person may be drawn in by a narcissist, and initially the relationship could work, but narcissists get worse, a lot worse, as they age and it could turn into a nightmare being married to one, due to their selfishness, self-entitlement, lack of empathy, etc.
I’m a (relatively) sane person with healthy self-esteem, but I was with a very troubled person for eight years.
I was attracted to her charisma, brains, and boundless energy. Eventually the downside of these traits were revealed: mania and evil craftiness. I suckered myself into staying by convincing myself that she really needed me and I needed to be loyal.
I think the “sunken cost fallacy” applies to some of these relationships: “Well, I’ve stayed this long, there are some really good things about this relationship, and I just need to work harder to fix things.”
So, I learned a hard but useful lesson: if it begins to look like crazy, talk like crazy, and walk like crazy – RUN!
