I’m assuming there is but i want to hear from other shy people.
Reading this, where Guinastasia said ‘I get like that with a lot of things-like job interviews, new schools, etc. The Unknown scares me.’ made me think about my own shyness & fear of the unknown.
So is there a positive correlation between the 2? If so, what did you do to overcome either of them (shyness or fear of the unknown)?
Arguably the worst experience in my life occured because of fear of the unknown and i do not wish to have things like that happen again.
I don’t think I’m nearly as shy as before, but I used to be terrible. However, I have always been utterly fascinated and attracted to the unknown. So, a very negative correlation in my case.
My wife is extremely shy. She also has a great love of new things, so long as this does not involve having to spend a lot of time talking to people she does not already know or being exposed to a crowd.
I used to be terribly shy but I am a huge fan of the unknown. I think that is what makes life interesting. I find most shy people are the same way.
I did overcome my shyness but it took a very conscious effort. I would say I either feared people, couldn’t be bothered with or possibly both. One day I decided maybe it was a problem with me, not those around me and I changed. Well worth it.
I’d have to say it has something to do with social withdrawal, lack of social initiative, lack of participation in social situations despite desire to do so.
The despite desire to do so part is important. Becuase without the desire, the motivation not to participate is due to something else like disdain for people, or just thinking they’re stupid or something.
Given these rudimentary thoughts, I’d say that Shyness has to be motivated by fear/anxiety of some sort. My first guess would be rejection or lack of approval. The feeling that one is not understood.
Other fears: that one is not worthy/appropriate.
And Fear of the unknown. Of course, “the unknown” could include ephemeral fears of rejection, or unworthiness.
Actually, I think that’s what I’m trying to say. That “the unknown” is likely fear of rejection, unworthiness, fear of conflict, lack of social safety, fear that one might be criticized or ostracized.
To overcome them: (sorry about the double post)
Nothing succeeds like success.
Be prepared
Plan for things
Rehearse
Keep it simple, don’t over think things.
Know what you want to do and do it.
Courage is the reward you get for doing the thing you were afraid of.
I’m extremely shy, and it has to do with over-analysing myself and being incredibly self-conscious. It doesn’t help that I don’t really like all that many people, I hate loud noises, I don’t like being touched (bumped in a crowd, for example), and my idea of small talk always seems to involve the weather.
My fears about socializing aren’t based on the unknown but on the known. I’m not good at it, so I loathe it.
I just wrote this wonderful post, with lots of cites from psych journal articles and everything, and it got eaten. sob
The short answer is yes. There is a fair amount of clinical research linking behavioral inhibition (reluctance to respond to new stimuli) and shyness, especially in children. (Do a Google search on Jerome Kagan, who’s out standing in his field.) Deborah Beidel and Samuel Turner have written a lot (professionally and for the general public) on shyness and social phobia – search on their names on Amazon.com to find their (excellent) books.
I did a couple of papers on shyness and social phobia in college, and the neatest thing I found was that there are different kinds of shyness, and you can have just one kind, or you can have more than one. The kinds of shyness seem to break down like this, IIRC: one kind is afraid of new people/social situations, one kind is afraid of large quantities of people, one kind fixates on their own physical discomfort, and one kind fixates on what other people are thinking of them. Every shy person has their own unique blend.
I myself have no problem going to a new place or trying a new thing as long as I don’t feel someone is watching me critically while I do it. It’s the social performance (and hence, potential social failure) aspect that bothers me. I also don’t like being in a crowd, whether anyone notices me or not. All those people…pressing…on me…shudder
It’s funny, too, that I can do something that causes me anxiety over and over again with no repercussions, and I still get nervous each time. For example, part of the ritual of the church services I attend involves shaking hands with those seated around you. Every single week, I get very nervous (heart starts pounding, palms get sweaty) about ten minutes before the handshake, and every single week, I shake people’s hands and nothing bad ever happens. So why can’t I stop myself from getting nervous each following week? It doesn’t make any sense.
How do you define “the unknown”? If you mean new situations wherein I’m going to have to meet and interact with people I don’t know or have to do something I’m not sure how to do, then yes… I fear that to an extent and it makes me *really[/i anxious.
Now if you mean it in the broader context of discovering new things, then no… I love that sort of thing.
[hijack] Gallows Fodder Thanks for the great post – it’s really important to note that “shy” doesn’t mean one thing. And more important to note that you have convinced me I’m not crazy. I thought I was the only one who ever “just wrote this wonderful post, with lots of cites from psych journal articles and everything, and it got eaten. sob”
[/hijack]
I found Gallows Fodder’s post interesting, too. I have been labelled “shy”, especially as a child. After reading a lot on personality and related issues, I’ve determined that what I am is:
Afraid of rejection;
Uncomfortable with people until I establish trust;
Sensitive (as defined in Dr. Elaine Aron’s excellent book, The Highly Sensitive Person, which is about sensitivity to external stimuli;
An introvert (which does not necessarily equate to shyness and definitely does not mean “antisocial”, as many people seem to think).
BUT - I love to try new things. I don’t generally live in fear or worry, neither of “the unknown” nor of most things I do “know”. So - while there may be a higher-than-normal correlation, it must not be one-to-one. In fact, I know others who claim shyness, as it relates to my items 1 & 2 above, but are even more adventurous than I am, some even downright thrill-seeking.
I’m terribly shy around new people and especially women. But with other things, even in social settings, I’m a HUGE risk taker. So basically my shyness and fear is only related to emotions and sharing that with people. But fear with other things; Bungee jumping, driving 130mph without a care in the world, and making critical decisions at work. Kinda makes me fearless, unless it requires a relationship with people.
So in my case, fear and shyness DO NOT equate. It depends on the person and setting.
