Yeah, you’re making a lot of assumptions there dude.
First off, when I say messy, I’m talking about on the level of hoarding. Like mold growing in the bathroom and a living room floor scattered with so much debris, you literally can’t see the floor.
I have a right to be concerned about my son. And I don’t appreciate you trying to denigrate me because of it.
If this is the case ^^^, why did you come here with concern over him eating too much fast food? I should think living in unsafe, unsanitary conditions would be more concerning to any reasonable person.
“My ex feeds my son fast food every single day” is unlikely to get any traction in the legal system.
“My ex keeps my son in an unhealthy house,” on the other hand, is something you could act upon. Possibly even getting custody of him, at which point you can shape his eating habits however you like.
Suddenly I’m all in favour of the fast food, it might just be safer for your little dude. :smack:
I already tried that route. The judge didn’t want to remove him from his family or home. At this point he’s 16. In a year and a half, he’ll be living with me. I’m not going to drag this out (again) in court over a year and a half. It’s not worth it.
As far as the hoarding shit goes, I didn’t offer that in my OP because it’s embarrassing. But then CB comes in with his post and I gave that information up anyway.
Congrats CB, you managed to get a rise out of me.
That’s a tough situation.
If you’ve already addressed the housekeeping situation through legal channels, though, that suggests to me that there’s already enough of an adversarial dynamic in place with your ex that any mention of the fast food would probably not be taken in the way you would like. Just reinforcing more what I said upthread.
I’m sorry.
I had the same problem. I planted a garden and just started dropping off fresh vegis a couple of times a week. Not really much you can do if the ex is not open minded about it.
So what do you think about the idea of sending extras home with him? If you’re already teaching him to cook, it seems like a fairly easy diplomatic step to let him take home some of the food he’s cooked. Start the weekend with shopping for food together (or buy lots ahead of time); ask him at some point if he wants to make a double batch so he can take some home; have him present it as his idea at home. It won’t work on steak night, but for soups and stews it should be an easy sell–and if things are just being reheated at Chez Filthy, it won’t be such a health hazard.
This isn’t a bad idea at all.
My stepson (who lives with us) is 13 and has an ASD that causes him to function at a level substantially below the norm for his age (he barely learned to tie his shoes this summer). On the weekends my wife and I cook, and we portion his foods into microwave-safe containers. He knows how long each of them is meant to be heated, and thus can safely and conveniently feed himself throughout the week.
It would be a little different since you would be sending food for him to heat and eat at his mom’s house, but it might be worth a thought. Maybe his mom would see it as helpful rather than insulting.
Yeah, you kinda shot down my suggestion with, ‘I already taught him to cook, he’s brilliant with steaks!’ And, ‘I doubt anyone would want to cook in that mess of a kitchen!’
When I was recommending you prepare easy casseroles together, from YOUR ingredients, in YOUR kitchen, for him to carry home, only popping in the oven required. One less junk food meal per week easily accomplished, without conflict.
But yeah, poor you! Poor him! Is that better?
(If it’s only a year and a half till he’s under your roof, suck it up, that time will pass quite quickly you’ll find!)
If he’s OK with eating vegetables, the least intrusive way to get more of them into him might just be to send him home with a bag of carrots and celery, to munch on as snacks. A more comprehensive approach to his diet can wait until he moves in with you.
Hey Shakes! I don’t have any advice that wasn’t already posted, but I think it’s great what you’re trying to do for your son. Please ignore the people in this thread who are projecting their own baggage onto you.
This. Double this. Good on 'ya for doing the right thing the right way.
Thank you for that.
Actually, I’m quite liking the idea of making extra meals on the weekend for him to take home. I’ll have to talk to him about it this weekend.
I’m not too concerned about his lunches. He usually gets like a salad or a veggie plate at school. (Like I said, the kid likes his veggies)
This totally seems like the most tactful and least likely to cause a ruckus option.
Also, if Shakes doesn’t mind the added expense, the kid can spin it to the mom that he wants to pay a little more attention to his diet or was practicing his cookery skills (which is a valuable adult life skill) and had extra and isn’t it nice that we can all eat this soup/stew/casserole.
Most 16 year olds can decide which parent they wish to live with. Talk to him and talk to her. There may not even need to be a reason to go back to court.
Q: Is there a polite way of telling my ex wife to stop feeding our kid so much fast food?
A: Yes, so long as you and your ex are on reasonably good terms. The important thing is not to tell her, in effect, “You need to change what you are doing.” Don’t give any hint that that is what you mean. Instead, your message is “We need to change what we are doing.” Implicate yourself in the mistake, and there’s a good chance of having a decent conversation about it. Might not get what you want, but it wouldn’t be rude.
And the suggestion that you offer specific steps that you will take (e.g. preparing meals for him) to bring about the change is a good one.
Is there a way that you could be the one to pick him up after school and then you can feed him? That would solve the issue. Otherwise, I don’t think that this is a hill worth dying on.
Get him a microwave, toaster oven, and mini fridge for his room. That way he can store and reheat the healthy stuff you send back with him and not have to deal with the kitchen mess. He should make a point of cleaning his own dishes and stuff, though.
Well, you’ve got him in the morning, and could bring him something to eat on the way to school. You say he’s eating a healthy lunch, and is with you on the weekends. So we are really only talking about five meals per week - which just isn’t going to kill the kid.
I have a similar problem with my ex. He is very proud of his cooking skills, and comes from a background of blue collar folks who believe in stuffing children and making them eat even when they are full. Obesity is a big problem on both sides of her family, and I have worked really hard to keep my daughter’s appetite small and her tastes primed for fresh veggies and low sugar/fat/salt foods. Since she’s been spending more time with him she has gained tons of weight and developed a taste for Hamburger Helper. She had to confront him about the Taco Bell breakfasts before school as it set her up for a groggy morning.
But really the best we can do is keep our meals healthy, and send over a bottle of vitamins. The time will come when our kids can decide for themselves how they want to live, and with whom.
And Shakes says his son will be living with him in another year and a half. I doubt that another year and a half like this will result in long-term damage.
And Shakes, like Bam Boo Gut said, compared to cooking in that kitchen, fast food doesn’t sound so bad. Like LHoD and others have suggested, supplement that when you can by sending portions of soup and stew home with the kid that he can nuke. And keep reminding yourself that it’s just for another year and a half.