The Long Island Girl is not doomed. I have a long list of very specific requirements that I thought no one would ever be able to meet including financial ones but she does and we are a natural personality match. Her family developed much of the junk mail industry over a century ago and still runs a lot of it (charmed I am sure). Sign me up. She is very pretty and has my same personality (again, delightful). You wouldn’t think that a Long Island Girl and boy originally from rural Louisiana would have that much in common but you would be wrong. You never can tell where you will find a natural match. It is mostly just numbers and chance.
We don’t have a formal relationship agreement yet but it is getting close. The problem is that a Russian poker player seems way to tempting in the mean time and I could do that before the other gets back. I am not sure that is the best idea in the world though. I may need to just slow down and focus on the one I really care about.
Probably. I am intellectually smart but I don’t have the sense god gave a goose to tell you the truth. I am perpetually tempted by new, shiny things. That is why I started this thread. I wanted input into what I should be doing.
I don’t that that is true. I do have an unusual personality but it is nothing diagnosable. It frustrates some people but others like it. I am introverted and calculating in general. I am a good father, son and a completely safe date. I even helped my ex-wife load a leaf blower into a car this morning and she invited me to Thanksgiving at her sister’s house. I am pretty sure I could hook up with her again if I wanted to but I won’t for lots of different reasons. We are sharing a hotel room in Arizona in two months however. Amicable divorces don’t have to be an all or nothing affair.
I think I am good at subtly manipulating people to do what I want but I think that is a skill that everyone should have. I like playing the dating game (and it is a game on both sides). The problem is that I don’t like to lose at anything and it is inevitable that you will lose. You can’t marry and live a long life with everyone you go out with.
Words of wisdom. That is what I am really worried about.
You reminded me of the real problem. I have two daughters that mean everything to me and I want to be a great father. I have plenty of money but it isn’t limitless. I was not a good husband and my former wife wasn’t a good one either. We didn’t cheat or do anything really bad, we just did tag-team parenting and rarely spoke. She didn’t hesitate to punch, slap or kick me even when I was asleep. She broke my ribs once when I was asleep and I had to lie to the doctors about the cause. Divorce was the only way to take away her power because I didn’t have any and it has taken years to get some back.
I always try to give more than I receive even for dates. I am always impressed when someone actually makes an effort to show up on time or do something nice. White males aren’t the most privileged group at all. Pretty women and then white women and general are. You are expected to take care of them and pay for everything. I am willing to do that for the right ones but I expect something back and that doesn’t mean sex. It just means a sincere Thank You and a nice time. That is getting a little rare around here there these days.
The reason I like my Long Island Girl is that she drove 45 minutes just to have lunch with me at a mediocre restaurant. Besides the personality match, it is very rare that most people on dating sites will do something like that. I will do it for the right person but they are really hard to find especially when you get into the high levels.
OTOH, I have a Nigerian coworker with absolutely no standards that peruses the back pages of Craigslist to hook up with welfare queens and chubbys. He loves it and god bless him for it but that is a charity I could never get behind. There really is a lid for every pot. I am much more William Sonoma than Wal-Mart.
Classic Shagnasty. The same thing over and over, to infinity. How many times have some of us seen the crap about how good he is to women? How well he treats his daughters and ex-wife? Then in the next sentence, he objectifies and demeans other women? Now we have this poor Long Island woman who might be The One. A few months ago, a woman who rode dressage was possibly The One. A few months before her, it was someone else. These posts are all nearly identical.
He never learns. Well-meaning people who haven’t seen it before contribute advice then get disgusted as more is revealed.
Just watch. He’ll do it again. I’m guessing late January.
Point taken. The reason I asked is that I am trying to do better. I don’t want to screw everything up again and I don’t want to live inside a Soap Opera. I think I can do better and the SDMB is never very kind on these types of matters but that isn’t a bad thing.
You have proudly committed sexual assault and now you’re throwing all white women under the bus? We are so fucking privileged to have to constantly deal with men treating us like sexual objects. Please tell me more about how motherfucking privileged women are as you talk about going through us like kleenexes.
You’ve had some shit, tragic experiences, you’ve been mistreated and abused by your ex-wife, and most of your problems probably stem from your childhood, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s all rationalizing crap for toxic beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors toward women. Do you know how many fucking men have abused and taken advantage of me? Yet instead of cultivating gross stereotypes, I take other people to task for misandrist language and behavior, and I treat people like individuals, because if there is one goddamn victory I am ever going to have, it’s not being like the people who hurt me.
Attractive women do not exist for your gratification.
The reason I’m not being nice is because I have learned from experience that you will take the slightest bit of empathy or good will and use it to justify this disgusting bullshit. You will see only the good and discount the criticism. You are pathological and you need help.
In addition to what I posted upthread, which you probably blew past because you can’t comprehend that women are not objects, you might want to drop the weird-ass affectation of referring to dating as “charity”. I mean, what the actual fuck, bro?
edit: A-fucking-men, Spice Weasel. Although I suspect we’re both wasting our time.
That is not very nice and I am listening. That infamous “rape” story? I was 17 years old and the only underage one. There was no sex involved. I was simply tricked into making out with someone and I was terrified the entire time. I never thought it would even get started and was mortified when it did and was just trying to figure out a way to get out of it. I am not sure who the “victim” is supposed to be or what the motivation was. I didn’t come up with it but there was no permanent damage. We are all still friends to this day yet people treat it like the crime of the century. It was just teenagers kissing as a prank.
You can get mad at me all you want but I don’t think it is justified. I like you a lot and will continue to do so. I don’t abuse anyone. I save my outrage for people that undergo true abuse.
In my time in the Bay Area tech industry, I’ve met many people who are intensely into self-improvement. Over time, I’ve largely learnt to stay away from those people as it seems all they learn from their experiences are how to convincingly adopt the language of self-improvement without really ever significantly changing. They end up mistaking the ability to convince others that they’re a good guy with actually being a good guy.
You weren’t tricked. You weren’t terrified. You made out with an unsuspecting girl for 20 minutes- you weren’t trying to figure out a way to get out of it. You did this to a FRIEND. You have a history of treating women as lesser commodities since, apparently, the age of 17.
I’m shocked- SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, that you have problems having a real relationship. God help your daughters.
It is laughable to think that. That is not true in the least although I have made out with friends (willingly) before. I have to work the opposite way. I am so reserved that I don’t hit on anyone unless they do it first. That is why I am on Bumble where ladies go first and I only let women on Match initiate the conversation. I consider my job to help them have a great time even it is just for one night. They don’t have to do anything in return. I just like having pretty ladies for a date.
I am surprised a kissing story when I was 17 is still so scandalous. I am 44 now. It is time to move on.
It’s scandalous because you’re so proud of it that you’ve posted the story in detail at least four times on this board and you have not once expressed any regret. Even now you don’t express any, you just blow it off as a teenage prank. You are a terrible person.