OK. I promise you off the bat that this isn’t another “nice guy” thread.
I hate those and in my experience 95% of self-proclaimed “nice guys” are assholes.
I’m just frustrated.
I am divorced, but my ex and kids are pretty much out of the picture. One kid is a successful college grad and the other has a 3.9 GPA in microbiology at a major University. Unless something goes seriously wrong, she can write her ticket to anywhere she wants to go.
As for me, I am smart, have a good job, own my own house in one of the most desirable cities in the country, and played a major sport in college. I gained weight once but am now close to my college level. I am not unattractive. I could give you my name and address and Social Security # and you wouldn’t find a thing about me. My only contact with police are a couple of traffic tickets from 20 years ago.
That said, I am having a big problem with women. I get introduced all the time to single women and get dozens of contacts on a dating site every week. I’m not talking about trolls, either. These are local women who I verify first.
I don’t know if this is a thing, but they keep going silent on me when everything seems to be going great. One in particular - we went to dinner at a nice restaurant and had a fantastic time. She kissed me really hard in the parking lot afterwards. We chatted nightly after that and made further plans, but one night she went totally silent on me. I can deal with it if she has another guy, but to just shut down like that drives me nuts. She isn’t dead, either. I checked.
Tonight, one who I went on one date with, after which she said it wasn’t clicking with her, and who I never tried to make contact with afterwards, sent me a text. She wants another date. Six months later. WTF? Why would you ask that of a guy you rejected after one meeting?
I’m almost 40. I’ve never in my life had a girlfriend, partner, or SO. I’m fine with that. You’ve been married, had kids, and are sneak-bragging about them. So I have to ask what your problem is.
Ha. No, I got your back. You were going to get some responses from that end of the spectrum.
It sucks. It really does, and that’s kind of the long and the short of it. Over the long haul, it’s worth it for most people, somehow, anyway. Everybody spits out the cliches about “just when you aren’t looking for it” and all that, but they become cliches for a reason. The ones that don’t work out, obviously, aren’t worth the trouble. And then…
OK, this one could be explained as a case of after a few more such nonstarters having had a :smack: moment of realizing she needed to adjust her expectations or had misapprehended something, so she’s giving it another try. I said *could *be.
As to the other situation, heck if I’d have any idea what went on there.
ETA: “ghosting” yes, I had heard of it – just cut the other party out. It’s not a “new thing” but seems more generational in prevalence
Well at least his schtick didn’t fall off from lack of use or interest.
Lamar. You strike me a decent guy with much going for you. And I say this not because of what you just posted, but a general vibe I have gotten from years of your posts here. I don’t have any useful input for you here at the moment. Just saying its not you.
He’s having trouble dating again, is his problem. What is he supposed to do, retire to illuminate manuscripts because he had a good run earlier and should be happy with that?
Lamar may have felt forced to provide his own background report in order to preempt any lines of questioning aimed at determining whether he presented any conventional red flags when it comes to stability, education, family situation, etc.
It’s not just women, it’s people. I’ve heard enough stories about men as well. People are fucking weird. There are women out there, you’ll find one at some point.
This is a warning for you for threadshitting. Normally I don’t give out warnings for it unless it’s a recurring thing, but this is so blatant and happens twice in here, that I’m going to do it here.
Don’t post in this thread again since you obviously seem to have nothing to contribute to it other than those shots.
Everyone else, please just report posts that disrupt topics, don’t engage with them and create possible long hijacks.
Yup. People and cats–both weird. I’m a woman, early 40s, divorced and trying to date men. I’ve gotten plenty of ghosting and weirdness, myself. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had this crap happen, too.
I’ve come to expect nothing–really, absolutely nothing–of anyone I meet for a first or second date. That way, when they flake or disappear, I don’t feel disappointed. Besides–crappy dating experiences are rough ore that yields comedy gold.
I hate confusing ghosting too. If a woman drops off contact at some point when things didn’t seem to be going good, that’s life. I get why she doesn’t want to make a formal goodbye and risk me getting mad or whiny. But I’ve had women who I would run into at an event or party, they would say how great it is to see me and that we should get together sometime, but then when I’d call/text/email to make plans, they’d either stop responding or act almost surprised that I called. And occasionally they say the same thing next time we run into each other! It makes no sense - if they would just say ‘hi’ without the ‘we should get together’, it would be less confusing and they wouldn’t end up with awkward communications.
I do agree with Lamar, I’ve heard from people that date men that this kind of stuff happens too, and doesn’t appear limited to either gender.
It’s all part of the game. You have the people who aren’t real, the married folks just checking what’s out there, the mentally challenged, and some small percentage of real quality people.
Every person who flakes out on you is a bullet dodged. Keep at it, you will find some good people.
I’m in my 40’s and divorced. What you describe is typical for online dating.
Here are a couple of thoughts that may or may not be helpful:
Being brutally honest, are the women you are seeking compatible with you?
I had a guy friend that only would seek out women of a certain type (mainly younger). After a date or two, the same would happen. He really had no idea why, but it’s because the women he was dating really had nothing in common with him. I found that online, this was a big problem for me. There are certain things that are absolute deal breakers for me. Yet guys who clearly did not like dogs, for example, would contact me. Reading their profiles it was clear we had nothing in common, but they persisted.
I have been on dates with guys that are great on paper, but were dull. Conversation was forced, they had nothing to add. I can understand being nervous, but if every topic I bring up gets shot down, it’s not fun at all. Then there are guys that act like its an inquisition for me (really, must you know every detail of my divorce on the first date??).
As for the woman that called back for a date months later. It meant she was dating others. One got serious but it ended. You seemed nice, so why not, is my guess.
I think that the babe who kissed you hard wanted to do the nasty with you, and, you shot it down with your conversation, and not being able to take a hint.
The female who contacted you after 6 months needed a date with somebody who wouldn’t put up a fuss at being the meal ticket, and then, she would thank you, kiss your cheek, tell you how sweet you are, then go home for her real date. If I read correctly, she gave you the heave-ho after you spent your cash on her.