Is there a problem with being an online dating addict?

I think I am one. I have been doing it for years and have gotten quite good at getting extremely high quality dates through Match and Bumble. The problem is that I want to collect them all. I don’t want to get married again but, every time I start to develop a relationship, I have 4 more making offers to go out. Lots of them are quite hot and the supply is endless. I don’t even consider real sex to be the goal. I just make out with one and then move to another within days if they stop responding.

Having an actual girlfriend would be fine but they would always be less of a priority than my daughters. There is no shortage of very attractive, single women in the Boston area.

I am also good at screening people. I have been going out with a Jewish heiress for the past 3 weeks but she suddenly stopped responding to me for no reason that I know of other than the fact she was sick on our last date two days ago. Now I have a Russian heiress that wants to go out with me and teach me to play poker. One thing I figured out is that it is just as easy and sometimes easier to go out with a 10 rather than a 6 because lots of men shy away from the former.

I am not bragging. It is a simple skill that most people can learn. If I can get them on the phone, they will go out with me and I don’t think I am anything special. There is just a high demand for professional men that look decent and are over 6 feet tall.

I am just not sure where this will end. I spend a lot of money spoiling women but it usually doesn’t go very far beyond a few dates. I like it but I don’t really know what the point is beyond arm candy and entertaining them at a high cost to me. I can get better sexual value out of the high-end strip club 35 minutes away. $140 will get you 15 minutes with a true 10 and it is worth it but I don’t really want to do that very often.



If you’re using the word ‘‘addict,’’ and you’re posting about this as a potential problem, then probably something about it is bothering you.

Do you need there to be a point?

My thoughts are you’re not very skilled at not bragging.
Also, if I was reading you right and you’re still sending out date invites while in an actual relationship, then you’re a bad sucky person. This doesn’t apply if you just meant that you bounce from one obligation-free one night stand to another to another though.

It kind of is. It gets kind of expensive and empty after a while. I really want a relationship but my requirements are high and I get tired of either rejecting women or being rejected. I always treat them well however. It gets really confusing sometimes too. The Jewish heiress and I spent 2 hours walking around and making out. She asked me out again at the end and I said yes two days ago. Now she isn’t returning my calls or texts. She can work that out on her own. She has my number.

Let me explain this to you. I was in a relationship from when I was barely 18 to the time I got divorced at 36. I had practically no experience at all until then and I sucked at asking anyone out but I wanted to learn how to do better. Now at 44, I am pretty good as an opener but still not so good as a closer. It is a skill just like any other.

I developed my own technique that works really well. It requires a lot of confidence but they all do. You just have to know what to say and when.

I don’t go out with more than one person at a time. It requires too much mental energy. Sometimes I chat with multiple women but the yield rate is only about 20%. However, I screen hundreds of them almost every day. It is a numbers game. Some of them will pay off.

I don’t have time to search, but I have a feeling I recall other threads where you claim you’re not bragging.

Maybe a few where it’s clearly stealth bragging as well.

I don’t really have a list of least favorite posters, but goddamned if I wouldn’t start one just to put you on it.

Please do. I am actually a whole lot nicer in real life than I sound on this board. I am not bragging at all. I can get women to go out with me with no problem but sometimes it doesn’t work out that well. I am an arrogant prick in general (deservedly so IMHO) but also very sweet in other ways. I am just asking about the online dating universe which is completely different than the normal one. If you aren’t familiar with it, you aren’t qualified to comment because the rules are completely different.

I am ticked off right now because the woman that I made out with a few days ago was supposed to go out with me again tonight but never responded. We have good chemistry and she asked me out but she just dropped off the radar for know reason that I no of. That is the type of thing you have to deal with and just move on if it lasts too long.

I do that sometimes, but with hair stylists.

Why are the rules completely different? While this is a different method of getting introduced to someone once you have actually met in person the rules should be the same.

The biggest hurdle is getting to meet the person for an actual date. A whole lot of people just like to chat back and forth for weeks on end. I don’t do that. It is a maximum of three days and just a few chats before we meet. You can’t ever tell who you will have actual chemistry with until you meet in person. I have only had a few semi-bad experiences out of about 200 but none were that bad.

I have matched up quite well with people that have completely different ideas than I do and completely failed with women that looked good on paper. You never can tell so it is better just to find out sooner rather than later.

My strategy is to just to pick something that I want to do anyway and then just take a date there and pay for it. It could be anything from a restaurant, bar or tourism site, You can’t lose that way. You still get to do what you want to. I also always try to make sure my dates have a good experience even if if we will never see each other again.

There is a very specific proposal for generic dates. 1st date = kiss on the cheek. 2nd date = an actual kiss. 3rd date = 2nd base. After that, it depends how the relationship is going.

Maybe she’s chatting up 10 men and got a better offer. She is a female you. You got played.

I don’t think so in this case although that does happen. She drove 45 minutes just to have lunch with me at work for a first date and we went out for hours at an exclusive restaurant a week after that. The thing that confuses me is that I am not convinced she is ghosting me. She really was starting to get sick when we went out to the restaurant and she was the one that asked me out again after it was over. You never can tell. It is like rubbing a cat’s belly. They are purring one second and trying to bite your face off the next as soon as you do it one too many times.

“Jewish” heiress? What’s her religion have to do with it?

There is obviously something wrong, the cat has shown her claws, wait a few days, maybe she’ll purr again.

If you ever stopped bragging, I’d wonder if someone had hacked your account.

It isn’t religion. It is ethnic heritage. Her family helped invent junk mail and still owns the company that distributes it from 100 years ago. I am a small amount Jewish too and consider that to be a desirable trait. You can save your outrage for other things. I like Jewish people in general and would love a Jewish girlfriend.

Dunno why you didn’t call her up the next day just to inquire about her well-being, but that you didn’t could have factored into her choice to not follow up tonight.

I did follow up like I always do. The odd thing was the communications just stopped with no reason or warning. I only send one short message a day to anyone because I don’t want to annoy them (she is very sensitive to that).

We were very close to an actual relationship but it apparently went poof for reasons I may never know. It may be able to be salvaged because I am not going anywhere but she will have to initiate it again. For all I know, there could have been a medical emergency because she was getting really sick the last time I saw her a few days ago. I wanted to help but there was only so much that I could do. She wrote me after that trying to make plans for tonight but they just stopped with no warning.

I suppose you just highlighted the “problem” with online dating. It’s difficult for me to imagine how one develops a deep, meaningful relationship out of an exercise that is as transactional, superficial and convenient as ordering an item off Amazon.

Thank you! You should meet my family. My grandfather and my mother are impressive in their bragging as they should be. I am the quiet and humble one.