There is a cultural bias that says a guy who has to rely on his woman for his allowance is not a “real” man. While women don’t have a problem letting the guy pay (and often he will insist) most guys will think of themselves as a failure if she HAS to lick up the tab. If they don’t, either they are supremely comfortable with themselves, or more likely, freeloading jerks.
So while a man shoul not be upset if the woman makes more, if the gap is too much - he’ll feel that he’s just along for the ride, disposable, a plaything, whatever. It’s a power thing - I assume many women feel the same way when they find themselves at a severe disadvantage to their spouse, but the social disapproval is much less…
Plus I believe, much as they may deny it - just as much as men are drawn to young healthy breeding stock, women are drawn to the alpha male - that’s the guy with the money, the power, the biggest sword or club… Part of that image is confidence; and one thing bad boys have is confidence. As a result, guys without confidence probably become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because she can smell your weakness.
Not one shread of intimidation from successful women. Though, I must add that the ‘super hot women’ that are referred to as 10’s, I have no problem approaching, however (bare with me) I find the 8’s more attractive. So the cute girls are my kryptonite and the ‘hot ones’ are easily approachable! Confused yet? Yeah, me too. Side note. An attractive in shape 35 year old is more attractive than her 18 yo counterpart.
As a college prof, I’m continually amazed at how young the coeds seem, and how less attractive they are than older, plainer women that have common sense and personality.
As one friend said of her college-age daughter: “She looks older than she is, and gets a lot of attention from men, until she opens her mouth.”
Just anecdote, but hey, since other people are bringing up theirs…
When I was living in Miami, I went on dates with over 40 guys. Only one of them did not bring up on the first or second date that it would be unacceptable for him to have a woman who made more money than he did. The immense majority continued on that line even after I’d pointed out that in a few years I’d be doubling their income. It wasn’t “the woman” who was bothered by the notion of a “low-earning” (in many cases, “average-earning”) man.
I prefer intelligent highly educated women. I like hanging around them, and would date them if I weren’t already married to an intelligent educated woman.
And a woman who is beautiful at 40 is a lot more attractive to me than one who is beautiful at 20. But then I’m 40+
Of course there are those men who are older who choose much younger women…I always wonder what their conversations are like…what music do they listen to?..
All of this supports the idea that tastes may change with time and experience, and our criteria for selection may change too.
I’d dated mostly academics, medical docs and financial professionals and we got on famously. At my age (51) I’m a single living bachelor who owns his own home. I make a decent living, but I’m in real estate sales and it’s a roller coaster, but this is the life I’ve chosen and no one is expected to get in the coaster car with me. I’m really leery of women who are looking to be maintained in some fashion, or want a travel and lifestyle companion. I do not have the means or inclination to quit working, semi-retire, etc.
If a woman is looking for a fun date, conversation, local and regional dining, and lots of extra curricular etc. I’m there. If they are expecting a world cruise companion or similar lifestyle buddy it’s not likely to happen. There’s nothing wrong with their desires it 's just I don’t have a big chunk of unused cash to piss way on this sort of thing.
I don’t personally care if a woman is “successful” whatever that means. But intelligent and educated are definite turn ons for me. I like spending time with people that I can respect, and I have a really hard time respecting stupid people or ignorant people that make no attempt to learn.
Hmm. Just wanted to point out, I am over 40, and have no problem with dating a woman that makes more than I do. And if she speaks English with an accent, it is a plus!
Personally, I doubt I would ever wish to date a woman who was not intelligent, well-educated, and passionate about her work (or failing that, volunteerism outside of work). People who don’t think about things, don’t know about things, and don’t care about things are boring, not matter how hot they may otherwise be. And I don’t mind at all if my girlfriend makes more money than I do - more power to her! (I would feel uncomfortable mooching off her, but that’s because I think adults should be self-supporting, full stop - not really a gender thing.)
Depends. Is she successful, educated, and wearing glasses? With her hair put up, but some strands escaping in an uncalculated way? And she’s wearing something hot under her sensible clothes?
I’m a 32 year old successful attorney. In my experience, men always claim they want successful, intelligent women, but once they’re actually dating someone who exceeds them in either income or plain intelligence, resentment is never far away.
I had three serious boyfriends throughout college and law school. Everything always started off well. I am an ambitious person, however, and was always working towards a goal, which didn’t help in my relationships. It seemed that the more successful I became, the more resentful they became. When I got a job with the Legislature in college, my boyfriend claimed he was proud of me, all the while becoming more withdrawn and moody. It got to the point that I would find myself keeping my accomplishments to myself in order to avoid any hurt feelings on his part.
When I became valedictorian of my law school class you’d think I’d kicked a puppy by my (different) boyfriend’s reaction (who I had met in law school.) It wasn’t something to be celebrated, it was something to be pushed under the rug in order to avoid any emasculation for him.
I met my current boyfriend on Match.com. He told me after we started dating that he had seen my profile and really wanted to email me but didn’t. When I asked why not, he responded that he didn’t feel he would’ve had a chance, given the fact that I’m an attractive attorney. So if I hadn’t pursued him, we would’ve never started dating. I’m the primary breadwinner in our household and while he seems okay with it, a small part of me is a little concerned that it might become an issue someday.
I don’t have any empirical evidence, only my own experiences. But in my own personal experience, men don’t want to date someone who exceeds them in income, status, or intelligence, despite proclaimations to the contrary. Being in such a relationship is a breeding ground for insecurity and no one wants to admit they’re insecure.
It’s interesting that while many women on this thread believe that men are uncomfortable dating successful, intelligent women, the guys are saying the opposite, and aren’t even claiming to have friends that act like that.
But, maybe there isn’t a contradiction here.
Personally, I’m drawn to intelligent, educated women, always have been (“successful” or “rich” though I don’t care about). But at the same time, sure, I have insecurities w.r.t. status (which again is not the same thing as money), which I think is a key attractor for women.
Using those standards, I am not successful. And I wasn’t even before I became unemployed. I worked, saved money, traveled overseas and around the USA and Canada, and bought a house, but I was not “successful”. Guess I will just have to continue to be white trash. :dubious:
Successful IN THE DATING WORLD…(though one could argue that many people in the U.S. apply it to all life as well)
That is different from actually successful
{as an example, when I was a teacher I was in a restaurant. 2 of the waitresses were discussing their adult daughters dating success. One waitress was distraught (and I do mean distraught - she was positively wringing her hands with dismay) that her daughter was dating a, gasp, TEACHER! She had not met him yet and didn’t know much about him but she wanted so much more for her daughter - she wanted her daughter to date and marry a successful man…and this teacher COULD have won teacher of the year and COULD have been awarded it by the President on a stage…but that didn’t matter…he was a teacher and therefore not successful.
