—than an eyeshadow “wand” that has lost its sponge?
Lots of things.
The shaft of a screwdriver that’s lost its handle.
A rubber band that’s perished and is no longer elastic.
A plastic bag full of unidentified metal fixings the original purpose of which has long been forgotten.
A Nickelback “Greatest Hits” CD.
And that’s just stuff lying around within eyeball range.
religion
Burned out lightbulbs come to mind. As do rusted-solid engines or transmissions.
A tiny sponge with no wand?
I think the standard is “tits on a bull.”
If you want to debate the use of religion, go to GD – that response is clearly out of the spirit of this thread.
Thanks,
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
A guide to training your cat?
Joe
I think the perished rubber band is a good example of something that’s very near the high end on the uselessness scale. The shaft of a screwdriver, not so much – it could still be put to a number of uses, such as opening paint cans or stabbing one’s cellmate. The Nickelback CD also probably makes a decent coaster.
Pens with no ink.
I hate pens with no ink.
That’s a good one. But you still keep putting them back in the pen jar, don’t you?
It makes the jar look like I’m actually using it.
There must be something in the lower strata of my pile of computer parts from 20 years ago probably fits the bill.
Actually, nevermind. I’ve used the platters from a crashed hard drive to taunt cats and scare off birds from a garden. They also make pretty neat wind chimes. The old 33.6 modem I have is actually my ice scraper in my car now.
Ooo! A 5 1/4" floppy disk! That’s pretty useless these days.
Better - that cat harness I bought for walking my cat. 
I always heard “tits on an engine.”
School fire alarms. Because invariably everyone assumes it’s a prank or a mistake.
Got me to thinking what the largest useless object is.
A bridge missing a span?
A dam with a hole in it?
A pyramid without a razor blade?
A space station with no death ray?
I spent fifteen minutes once, going through all the damn pens in the pen jar and pitching the ones that had no ink left.
My mom chewed me out for throwing away perfectly good pens.
We had a thirty minute long argument as to what constituted a “perfectly good pen”. Apparently, if it occupied part of the space/time continuum and at one point was capable of leaving a mark on paper, it counted as “perfectly good” for my mom.
Never again.
An English Major.
Because I’m reading Dance of Dragons right now… Nipples on a breastplate.
How about pens that require ink refills? Does anyone really ever buy refill ink cartridges for those things? Someone bought me a nice, engraved pen and pencil set for my high school graduation. Once the ink ran out, the pen just became a keepsake.
Altitude above you and runway behind you…
(For all of the pilots out there)
J.