That may be true, but if you say those kinds of things at work, you may get to explain how it’s an overreaction with your manager and HR. If someone goes to HR and says “Soandso is making me feel uncomfortable”, then an action plan will be put in place to deal with the accusation. So unless you are positive the recipient of the complement will appreciate it, don’t say it.
And let’s be honest. When a man complements a female coworker on her appearance, it very often is an attempt at flirting. It doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to do anything with her–he may just like flirting with women or having the attention of women–but it’s not the same as him giving a complement to another man. For many women, they often are tired of random coworkers giving them these “complements” all day. The other part of #MeToo is to address this pervasive behavior in the workplace.
Honestly, in my experience, women (and men) usually like it more if you just up and ask. If they say no, oh well, move on.
Frankly, it’s also a more professional approach in a workplace. Be clear about what you want. If she says yes, great. If the lady says no thanks, back off and just be a co-worker and move on to the next romantic opportunity. Everyone knows where everyone else stands.
As to this… let’s be honest, no. I am sure injustices do happen but they’re rare.
I’ve been in a lotta workplaces for a quarter of a century, and have never personally experienced or even heard an account of a phony or totally unjustified harassment complaint. Every harassment complaint in a workplace I was in was justified to at least some extent.
Not exactly. She’s left with the question of whether he’ll be a weirdo about it and harass her if she says no. She could be uncomfortable at work for quite a while.
I’m on the side fo taking it very slowly and letting things develop naturally if they’re meant to develop at all.
I have two children who married co-workers. My son actively trolled for women by baking a load of chocolate chip cookies and distributing them to the typing pool. One woman asked around if anyone knew whether he a girl friend and, when it turned out that he didn’t, she actively sought him out. They were married about a year later and have been married for 26 years.
My daughter’s story is a bit more complicated. She met someone and they dated a bit, nothing serious at that point. The company had an explicit policy against inter-office dating and they decided to stop it. Then she left to work for a different company and was seriously dating someone else. But that ended and she somehow communicated to the first one that she was still interested. So about 4 years after their first encounter, they started dating seriously, moved in together and eventually married. They have been married for 14 years.
Honestly, I see nothing wrong with it provided it grows naturally and there will be no hard feelings if she isn’t interested. I guess breaking up while still co-workers could be a real problem, but if you are adult about it, it shouldn’t be.
Years ago, I accidently brushed lightly across the chest of a female co-worker and she told me she would let it pass, “this time” and wouldn’t even tell my girlfriend who worked a the same company, but at in a completely different building. I told my girlfriend and about the what happened that day he she wanted to kick my co-worker’s butt!
Would I have been fired for it, not likely (strong union), but there may have been verbal or written warning and possibly a awareness training class.
The funny thing is about a year later, she really ticked me off (don’t remember about what), and I punched and knocked a fire extinguisher off a concrete pillar. She complained to my boss (I was her supervisor) and he told her “If lingyi was “out of control” like you said, he would have hit YOU instead of the fire extinguisher!”. That was the extent of the verbal warning!
I guess that depends on what you’re looking for. If the principle aim is to get nekkid with something cute, then some office-appropriate variant of, “Let’s do it!” is certainly forthright. I admit to being a bit backward on the dating scene. It never made sense to me to “shoot first and ask questions later”, preferring to know if there was going to be anything stimulating to talk about after dessert.
Very good advice. Keep an eye on her reactions when he’s around her. Does she smile because she feels awkward and nervous, or is it genuine? He’ll see the signs.
But, I think the OP is actually asking a hidden question, “I like this new girl at work. And if I think she’s cute, I’m sure the rest of the guys do too. I want to beat all these dudes to the punch so I don’t miss my chance and I need to do it ASAP! So, what are the latest #metoo proticals I need to follow so as to not get in trouble?”.
Take RitterSort’s advice, and by all means, be patient.
Had/have a crush on a co-worker. She has led most of the social interaction and gone out of her way to talk to me over the past several months. I wanted to “make a move” but a lot of things are complicated and at some points I backed off. I never said much “inappropriate” but she used a lot of innuendo and double entendre, biting her lip and giggling and so on. still I felt like I got “mixed messages.” Sometimes I think followed Rule 1 but messed up on Rule 2. While I was debating whether I should or could do anything, she ended up working more with this other dude who didn’t care about her relationship status, workplace rules, or much of anything else. He made comments about her ass, hit on her hard, was persistent and invited her over to his house after work one night. Now that’s a thing. He doesn’t look like Tom Brady and I don’t look like Fred Armisen, btw.
FWIW, I have had women pick me up (and grope me and say and do all kinds of things) at work, and if I didn’t I would have been sexless from ages 19-25. Instead that was my peak.
A lot of this “good advice” is utterly impractical. Exactly how is BPC going to carefully observe her reactions to himself and other menfolk? Just spend a few hours lurking in her department?
This is really far off base.