Ashley Gann, used to talk to her alot but I’m extremely shy and I couldn’t tell if she liked me, then I moved away and haven’t even heard from her since.
I have a crush - but I assume they know, since I flirt shamelessly at every available opportunity. 
Asking out is another matter, however… he’s the ex of a semi-good friend, so it’s sort of a look-but-don’t-touch situation. Plus there’s an age gap that might be a problem, so I’m basically just sticking with the flirting for now… but some damn good flirting it is. Gah. If you’re not great friends with someone, and he says it’s fine, it could be okay, right? Right? 
Sigh.
Why do you ask your friend about it? If she hesitates it probly means she is uncomfertable with it, in which case you have to decide which is better, friendship or the guy. If both, then great!
That sounded so much like infertile for some reason…
Diagnostic criteria for 301.82 Avoidant Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
(1) avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
(2) is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
(3) shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
(4) is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
(5) is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
(6) views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
(7) is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
God bless you, American Psychiatric Association!
Have we met? You seem to know me pretty well 
Sure, I had a monstrous übercrush on a particular girl last year, and I suppose I still love her. She’s across the Atlantic ocean, though, and I’ll probably never run into her again, but if I do, I’m buying her dinner at a nice restaurant. I’ll be extra nice to her to make up for the stupid things I did and said in front of her in the past.
Now - apart from a sort of missing of the previously-mentioned lass, I have a mild sort of friendliness for a poster here and for three girls at school, but it’s nothing. If they asked me to dance, I would, but I still have a place in my heart for Girl #1.
I have a huge crush on girl, who would be perfect for me. Unfortunately she’s the cousin of my girlfriend of three years. Cruel world…
To: Chief Crunch
I fit almost all of the characteristics listed under the “Avoidant Personality Disorder” that you posted. [What was the title and author of the book you got this information from?]
But my thinking on the subject of asking a person for a date is this:
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I’d rather have a 1% chance of success and take a risk than a 100% chance of failure by not taking any action at all.
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I’d rather face rejection than face the regret of a missed opportunity.
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I’d rather know that the person I asked said “yes” or “no” so I could move on…than wondering for the rest of my life, “what if?”
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If I’m lucky enough to live to age 90 or 100, I dread, more than anything else, thinking, “I had chance after chance to say what I really wanted to say or to do what I really wanted to do, but because I was too afraid of rejection, those opportunities are gone forever and now I feel serious regret that someone else, who had more courage than I, is with the person that I wanted to be with…so now, I’m at the end of my life and the only person that I can blame for not taking a risk is…myself.”
Well out of the few people relatively my age on the SDMB I have an eensy weensy crush on one of them. But shhh, he’ll never know. 
I maintain mild crushes on two of the guys I work with, kinda just for fun. It’s the sort of thing where if I wasn’t involved long-term (which is to say, married, but I felt the same way before I got married) I’d probably be pining for them in a most pitiful manner. As it is, I just meditate regularly on how sweet they are and how lucky I am to be their friend, and wonder occasionally whether they’ve ever been attracted to me.
Then there’s Russell Crowe . . . sigh And Keifer Sutherland. And Oded Fehr. And Ares from Xena. And Val Kilmer–but I find I just can’t summon the same enthusiasm for him since I found out he’s a Christian Scientist. Of course, Russell Crowe could be a member of Aum Shinryo, for all I know. Ignorance is bliss. That’s why I don’t read gossip magazines.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV Text Revision 2000 (DSM-IV-TR) published by the American Psychiatric Association. I suffer from AvPD as well as a few other personality disorders and several Axis I disorders like panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I don’t have the emotional wherewithal to handle rejection, which is why I make certain a person is interested before I pursue anything. Kinda sad, I guess.
About 6 1/2 of those fit me perfectly. Lovely…I’m not just shy, I’m officially screwed up.
Woo hoo!! I’m not the only one. My former shrink thought the diagnosis was hilarious, since because I’m so good at compensating on a surface level, no one has a clue!
Medication is your friend. 
-BK
Nice warm-fuzzy crush on our own Miss Creant – I smile whenever she pops into my head. I’m not pursuing it though, since she lives in another time zone. I’ll just fawn all over her when she graces NYC with her presence at the New Years MegaDopeFest.
On a related note, if anybody knows of some good job opportunities in the Chicago area, I’d love to hear about them.
Once again to Chief Crunch, who said:
“…I make certain a person is interested before I persue anything.”
Do you realize the bind that you placed yourself in? Never in my life have I been certain that someone of the opposite sex liked me. Other people are certain that I like them because I’m very direct and I say what I think. I found out a long time ago that if I wait for a girl to ask me for a date FIRST, I’ll wait forever.
I absolutely despise rejection. But, when I saw that a decade passed and I was standing on the starting line without any dating prospects while my family members and friends of the same age “finished the race” and got married…it forced me to change my thinking.
If a person looks at their life as a very specific and limited period of time, it forces you to become proactive rather than reactive…IF you seriously desire results.
Any girl that I silently waited for and hoped for ended up with another person who had more courage than I, and asked her first. As far as I’m concerned, they deserve to be with her instead of me because THEY took the chance, THEY took the risk and THEY had the courage. I finally decided that these types of situations would end, and now I act first. I get rejected 9 times out of 10, but I have no regrets. In taking any risk, the possibility for success AND failure is wide open. I’ve learned, over time, to brush off serious failures and setbacks and to try again…because I want results and I know my time is finite. This “thickening” of my skin ONLY came through repeatedly trying and failing over and over again.
I believe peoples’ actions come down to this: How badly does a person want or need something. I believe that a person’s actions are a reflection of that need.
If two people expressed their dreams of being movie stars, and Person A only talked about it endlessly, but Person B actually moved to Los Angeles and took acting classes and went to consistently audition for movie and TV roles, who would you consider to be more serious about their dream? Who would you believe wanted to be a movie star more badly? This is exactly my point.
Freyr– “…the hots for TN*hippie and Fenris but neither really knows about it.”
Until now.
I’m feminally inclined, but flattered nevertheless.
[flirty wink];)[/flirty wink]
TN*hippie
mikeymichaels, you don’t seem to be connecting up the fact that having a disorder means that a person are not acting rationally. Would you walk up to someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder and say, “Hey, stop washing your hands so much. They’re raw and cracked, which makes you more succeptible to the germs you fear!” Would you expect them to say, “Gee, I never thought of that before! I’m going to stop washing my hands so much, then!”
They have the same wants and needs. but their thought process is hijacked by something–maybe a chemical imbalance–that doesn’t permit them to do the rational thing to acheive what they desire. You can’t just say, “Hey, snap out of it! Ask a girl on a date!”
Disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist, I don’t suffer form any disorders (well, diagnosed, anyway) nor does anyone I’m close to (that I know about).
[hijack]
Is there a medicine you can take for that personality disorder?
[/hijack]
Most psychiatrists or doctors would prescribe a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, such as Prozac, Zoloft or Paxil for AvPD. Paxil has been approved specifically by the FDA for the treatment of social anxiety disorder. If you’re concerned Rye, you should talk to your doctor. I should also note that SSRI’s have varying degrees of efficacy (They don’t work for me.) and are rather expensive; however, I believe that fluoxetine (Prozac) is now avaiable as a generic at a much reduced cost.