I seriously considered suicide for a few months when I was 15, and at a particular low point in my early 40s the thought of suicide briefly flickered across my consciousness, but flickered right back out of my consciousness again. I’m in my late 50s, and that’s pretty much all the thinking about suicide I’ve done in a lifetime.
Great the OP is planning on talking to someone.
And YES it is UNCOMMON for your average person to be thinking about suicide, ideation, plan or otherwise.
Maybe you just didn’t find the right doctor?
This pretty much describes me. I fantasize about it at times, but I fantasize about a lot of things that I have no intention of doing. It’s just the way my mind works… I’m a big daydreamer.
Hell, I’ve researched buying a body bag online because it seemed like the most considerate way to do it.
There is another category above ideation called subtle suicide which isn’t active suicide but is more a sense that life’s value is so/so at best so people take more risks with their lives. They do dangerous things, ignore medical advice, don’t plan for the future, etc.
That kind is hard to deal with too. It isn’t an active attempt as self destruction as much as a belief that life isn’t worth fighting for in the face of medical problems, general risks, etc.
See… you’re working on the assumption that we HAVE loved ones. Other than my dogs and cats- I don’t.
My family is all dead. I have no real friends. I have a job that pays the bills but I detest. I have watched every dream I ever had die a painful death. I cry almost daily, usually several times, especially on work days. I have nothing to look forward to, just one day exactly like the day before it. I have pretty much fucked my life up beyond salvation. I have never accomplished a single thing.
If I died tomorrow, the only creatures on earth that would miss me… hell, even notice, are my dogs and cats. I guess it’s why I keep them; it keeps me from offing myself.
Knorf I’m sorry you feel that way. Are you sure you don’t want to give it another shot? Medication has helped me, (though it may not appear as though it has right now). Without it I would be in a darker depression. Still wouldn’t kill myself, but I’ve gone without my meds before, and it is some real-as-shit PAIN that I suffer. I don’t know how you feel or the level of severity of your problems… but I would sure like to hear that you WONT do anything to yourself for reasons that should be obvious. If you ever want to PM me, go for it, I’m a good listener.
Speaking of Medication, I just saw my doctor, he upped my meds.
The problem is, if there are three categories like **Brynda **said;
“Ideation: fantasies, thoughts that one’s life is not worth living, etc.
Plan: well, a plan, obviously.
Intent: another obvious one, I suppose. Having not just a plan, but intending to do it.”
… What’s the difference? If’ I’m unhappy enough to *WANT *to die, why should I be treated differently than someone who’s actually willing to do it. It’s not fair that someone who’s suffering, but can’t truthfully say they intend on going through with ending their lives for whatever reason. It’s like saying; “Just don’t kill yourself, you’re quality of life is of less importance.”
And it sounds like your pets are your loved ones for these purposes.
For god’s sake, talk to a professional, find a better job, and find something that brings you profound joy. Find your purpose!
How old are you Pap? I would hate to think your life revolves around the life of your pets. I can relate to the part of your post when talking about your dreams. PM me too if you need to talk… I’m really worried I started something with this thread; But maybe it’s good people are being open about it. I hope you can find yourself some help.
Please, I didn’t want to say that people should act on it. I really wish I could help all of us.
Yes he should talk to a professional. Finding a better job isn’t always as easy as it sounds. But I agree; we should all look to help the problem, myself included. Hobbies, classes’s, finding new friends, getting out more.
“He” is a 50 year old woman. 
Finding a better job? Good luck with that. When I was laid off from my previous job it took almost a year to find another- Put in literally HUNDREDS of applications and had a total of 3 interviews.
My health problems are such that I can’t be on my feet for long periods or do heavy labor. Call center work is something I can do, but God I hate it. I spend 8hours a day trying to solve cell phone problems and getting yelled at & cussed at. Not fun.
I spent my youth & beyond taking care of my parents. My mother pushed the responsibility of taking care of the house onto me when I was about 10. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere or have friends over, so basically grew up without friends. Mom needed care as she got older so that became my life. When she died, it was Dad who needed care-I am not exaggereating when I say he did not know how to boil hot dogs. He died in 2005, and for the first time I just had me & my pets to take care of.
But… a whole new set of problems came up. I now go days without hearing a friendly voice… just the screaming and cussing at work. I don’t have a single friend I can call up to go to a movie or lunch or shopping. I would give anything to get a genuine hug or gentle caress. The only physical touch I feel, ever, is a cuddle from a critter.
THIS is why I pray every night when I go to bed that I don’t wake up. This is not living. It is existing.
No, it’s not, but if your job is making you have thoughts of suicide, then it’s worth trying!
One thing that could help enormously is getting out of your head. Go for a jog, talk to other people, take up a hobby, go see a movie. This is a big one for me, as I tend to get stuck in my head a lot.
Sorry, I called you a “he”.
I would hate myself if I didn’t urge you to talk to someone. Do you seek any help?
I have seen several councelors in the past. None helped. I finally gave up. It just feels like a vicious circle to me that has no end.
I honestly don’t think I will ever do it. I’ve made it this far, I’ll keep plugging along. But I do hope the end comes sooner rather than later. A life with no joy is not worth living.
That sounds about right.
One of the things that really helped me is learning to love spending time by myself. I also made a huge effort to get out and meet new people. And I made it a practice to monitor my negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts. And I made it a practice to treat myself in a first class way.
I can’t tell you how much happier I became, maybe 6 months later.
you need to go fishing or hiking enjoy nature and think about the details of it…its a healthy thing to do…appreciate the little things in life like being able to choose what you want to do any day u wake up…everyone thinks about ending it…but everyone has the same good feeling of accomplishment when they do get something done that was hard to accomplish…my best friend told me once he couldnt handle it anymore…i asked what was up and he never told me…a week later he was gone…i did miss him but everyone will be forgotten…now that i am over it i really feel bad for him to be missing out on those little things.
I think an hour or so total of my existence has been spent thinking about suicide. Just a minute or two here and there on some snowy drive home that’s the twelfth white-knuckled drive in a row in February, and I just get so worn down by it I finally think “*what if *I took my hands off the wheel and let what happens happen?” Then I tell myself to stop whining and forget all about it until the next year.
I occasionally think about suicide, though mostly ideation, haven’t done any planning or intent. Mostly it’s frustration with dealing with difficult problems, facing choices I don’t care to make, that sort of thing. I get them solved/resolved and the suicide goes away. It’s comforting to me as an atheist to know that if things get too hairy, there’s an out for me that resolves all problems very neatly. But most of the time I’m cheerful and in a good mood, just occasional enormous frustration with dealing with issues relating to money, family, work, etc., the usual litany of misery-makers, will make me wish for the Final Solution. And ultimately, I feel that before I go killing myself, I should kill someone else whom I feel is making the world more horrible, thus making the world a better place. And if I die in the attempt, I win! If I succeed, I win! It’s your classic win-win situation.
I think everyone has thought about it at least once or twice.
It’s when you spend hours thinking about it that there should be great concern, or when you have actually thought of a detailed plan. Talking about it openly and often should set off some alarm bells as well. People generally do not threaten suicide if they aren’t serious.