A corked bat is if you use Viagra, or a penis pump, or something. Astroturf could be… I don’t know, a merkin? A called game is when his/her parents come home at an inopportune moment.
Making a move, realizing she’s not interested and trying to cover your tracks is a check swing.
A case of blue balls means you’ve left runners on.
And hey, thanks to Gaylord Perry, K-Y Jelly already has a place in baseball.
I was surprised I didn’t see this baseball/sex metaphor:
spring training: That’s when you, er, play with your own team
Now aren’t there two different systems going here?
One for the guys and one for the gals?
GIRLS (receiving)
1st frenching
2nd playing with the breasts
3rd eating her out
hr screwin
GUYS (receiving)
1st frenching
2nd handjob
3rd blowjob
hr screwin
We were oddly enough discussing this last night at dinner and we agreed on this…
just my two cents
Pop out: Well, you know…
So what are the five ways to reach first base without getting a hit?
A walk: that’s a gimme kiss, IMO.
Error: stated previously.
Fan interference: you fall on her or something.
catcher interference: a friend dares you to (I’m lame).
foul ball tipped fair: you go for it and for whatever reason she lets you.
ball lodges in catcher or umpire’s equipment: NO COMMENT!
In other news:
bunt single: you kiss her before she can pull back.
bunt double (Rafael Furcal did this recently in a game): you get her before she can pull back and she’s too lazy to prevent you from doing anything else.
passed ball: you advance because she either is drunk or doesn’t care.
wild pitch: you can’t stop yourself . . .
no-hitter: you get a sympathy kiss, nothing else.
perfect game: you don’t even get a smile.
opening day: first date.
bat/ball boy: fluffer.
Basics of the bases is described this way.
feeling in my definition is anywhere on the body, but if manual stimulation below the waist happens, it turns into third base. Oral sex goes into third base as well for my list.
Stop right there…I gotta know right now…before we go any further…
…Hijack
That is where they originally bought the team from. I can’t remember if they were still affiliated with them for a year or two before they switched to the Yankee franchise. The Yankee franchise had been in Oneonta since I was a wee tyke. I remember going to some games with parents and grandparents when I was in grade school. I’m surprised the Queens team hasn’t switched to a Mets affiliation yet. I sort of had the impression when they set up two teams for the NYC area that one would be Mets and the other Yanks but it has been awhile since I’ve heard much about it.
…End Hijack
Game interrupted by brawl, batter fined and suspended - She said she was 18, parents caught you, she changed story and you were fined and confined.
Yeah, come on, sweetie, do tell!
Hey, I guess that gives new meaning to “a runner in scoring position”, huh? :eek: 
Is one of them getting four balls?
I remember when no-one would talk about this stuff, oh for the heady days of yore.
for the batter charging the…uh…“mound”? :eek:
My guess would be that the pitcher hit the batter in the head . . . and the batter might hit the pitcher . . . or bite him - er, her.
OK, I left this here in the hopes there was a universal standard, or a history or something to this system.
Since there appears not to be, I’m going to send the thread to MPSIMS.
Also because there appears not to be a standard, I can now claim that in junior high school, I got to third base and even home plate. A lot!
How about a new forum? It would be called MTYEWTKAYM - More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Your Moderators.
Of course, there’s another four-part approach to sex, as outlined in this exchange overheard at a bar:
(Man) Baby, my philosophy of sex is: Get it up, get it in, get it off, and get it out. What do you think?
(Woman) I think I’d call that the Four-Get-It system. (leaves)
What can you say to that but, “You GO, girl!”
And YOU forgot the next line, which would have made it even funnier. The whole quote is:
“Fair is foul and foul is fair/hover through the fog and filthy air.”
Sounds like Shea Stadium to me.
Well I don’t think I’ll ever watch another ballgame with the same ideas again. And as usual, Manny, I’m impressed.
Manny the Mover: Yeah, I was hoping that there was a universal standard, too, which was shy I put it in GQ in the first place. Thanks for leaving it there as long as you did.
Fielder’s choice: when you’re on a date with a bisexual.