I’m still trying to figure out how a person who “never wanted kids and doesn’t like other peoples children” ended up with two kids in the first place. First one could have been an accident but what about the second?
I don’t think it’s right to bring a kid into a world where one parent never wanted him/her. Actually that’s not strong enough. I think it’s very wrong.
I’ll side with the puppy crew.
IMHO, the combination of these two problems – you don’t know what to do and you don’t know who to talk to – are combined a very good reason to go talk to a professional. So I third the suggestion for counseling. Best wishes.
I didn’t take offense at the puppy comment at all. And I don’t think most people would.
It isn’t like they were telling someone who didn’t have any children, and was having a hard time, or who couldn’t have a child at all, to get a puppy. That would be a bit harsh.
*** I was a Nanny for two Dr’s. for 10 years. They have 2 children, and were seriously talking about having a third. I was actually a fairly major part of the talks, since I would have been the new baby’s caretaker for about a 1/4 of the time.
The mom is a Family Practice Doc, who came home to nurse her babies at noon every day. She also nursed them before she left for work, and the first thing when she got home. It was always rush rush rush, and I got the handoff of the baby as she flew out the door back to work. She did this routine for a full year with each child.
She also spent a lot of time in her office pumping breast milk, any chance she got. That was just one thing she had to think about if she were to have #3. She had just been established in a new practice for about 2 years when they idea came up and she just couldn’t see doing that all over again.
So in the end…
They got a puppy, and were happy as clams.
And I got to be nanny to two great kids and one great Viszla 
That being said, I would love another baby, but am medically advised not to do it. My one and only child(5), was very hard on my body, and I nearly died of congestive heartfailure after he was born. I am also nearly 44.
We will probably get a puppy eventually, but are waiting a bit longer. I want my son to be a better helper when we get one. And I still really miss our beloved Beagle who died 2+ years ago, and am not ready for another pet just yet.
Channel those urges into nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.
That’s what I’m doing. I keep asking my nine year old if he’s been thinking about giving me grandchildren. So far, no.
I also have two dogs, three cats and a 1 year old nephew. Guess what? I prefer one of the dogs to the nephew.
You haven’t mentioned how old you are(biological clock is a real phenomenon for many women), how old he is(supporting a kid when you’re trying to retire is a legitimate concern), and how old your children are. As noted above there is a hormonal drive to get pregnant again about the time you wean your previous baby. It seems to be a biological adaptation to ensure fertile females(who survived their first pregnancy) continue the species.
In addition to the general good advice that you should have two willing parents before beginning a planned pregnancy, there are other factors. The children you already have should be considered. You mention you feel your family is not finished, have you looked at why you feel that way and can you communicate that to your husband?
My sister in law desperately wants another child(they have one son) but my brother refuses. Frankly I think he’s being a bit of an asshole about it, but he’s always been a bit of an asshole. He spoils his kid rotten(and he is spoiled pretty rotten) and he remembers his childhood privation as number seven out of a family of eight kids, so he prefers a smaller family. They have two incomes and one kid so they get to have lots of toys and do lots of things. He’s openly admitted he’s not willing to have another kid because he doesn’t want to give up some of his toys and have to pay for another child. There may be deeper issues there too(she’s jerked him around in the past), but despite her periodic threats of a “surprise” pregnancy, she’s accepted that he gets veto power in this matter because she wants to have a family with him. So whenever one of my girls has a birthday they get lots of pretty dresses from my sister in law and she grumbles about it, but bears it.
Enjoy,
Steven
I’d rather have another child than a puppy.
I’d wait and see where this “urge” takes you. If you trick him and just oops! get pregnant that may have repercussions for the rest of your life (and all your childrens’ lives). Not that you said you’d do that, just saying. I think you need to find out WHY you want another child.