One aspect of this is that what’s easiest for the server might not be easiest for the restaurant. It’s probably easiest for the server for the appetizer to come out with the meal since that’s one less trip to the table the server would have to make. But because appetizers are typically prepared to come out as soon as possible, it’s probably easiest for the kitchen to not have to sync the appetizer with the main meal. From a big picture perspective, it’s probably overall easiest for the appetizer to come out first since that’s the typical case and the restaurant will be optimized for that situation.
I ask for my appetizer first. Then they do - like one minute before. It’s an appetizer, the point is to eat it before the meal.
I’m often dining with someone who orders an app instead of an entree. So I’m glad they coordinate. And honestly, i like to enjoy my wine with my main course, and wish it were easy to ask them to hold the drinks until my main is ready.
(They want me to order another glass. But for various reasons, I’m not going to do that, and it’s really annoying to have this wine glass sitting there that i don’t want to interact with yet.)
Agree. The larger point is there are as many sets of preferences as there are customers.
And whether you’re alone, a couple, a foursome, or a big group, and whether we’re at a sports bar, a Denny’s, a low end family place like Applebee’s, a nicer midmarket place like Outback or Longhorn, an actual nice white tablecloth restaurant, or truly fine dining all change the answers at least some. Likewise how much drinking will or won’t accompany the meal.
My point being there is no single “the answer”. There are lots of “some answers”.
I agree this is annoying for servers. The same rule of thumb for driving applies for ordering at a restaurant: be predictable. Servers have a million things in their head at once and having to stop and make decisions for a customer is, well, annoying.
My FIL even more annoyingly frequently asks servers what he should eat.
He doesn’t hold it against them if he doesn’t like it, at least.
Hey one thing you could do is ask the server after the meal is all finished which one’s easier, and remember that for next time. That way they’re not making a decision for you but expressing an opinion.
Nice analogy with driving & “be predictable”. You, the diner, don’t really know what will make the server’s life easier (and it’s frankly arrogant to assume you do). So do what they expect, not what is a crapshoot as to whether you’re making their life better or worse.
It’s always OK to ask questions about how a dish is prepared, and depending on the level of the place you go, it can be reasonable to ask the server if they have any recommendations or advice. Which you can interpret optimistically as being because the servers are trained in the dishes and matching orders to diners’ tastes, or cynically as being because they’ve been told before the shift what dishes to push due to higher profit margins or something in the walk-in needing to be used up.
That had never occurred to me.
I was server once, at Ponderosa, so not exactly the height of fine dining. I’m not even sure if those restaurants still exist. Just speaking for myself I wouldn’t want anyone asking me what they should eat.
(Update: they still exist, though apparently not in too many places. Comments like “I haven’t eaten at a Ponderosa in 20 years!”)
This reminds me of a thing that bugs me. A person makes a factual statement. Another person, instead of agreeing, says “yes, probably”
I call that a passive disagreement. At worst.
Confused, at best.
About restaurant service, the trick is to know, in advance, what the protocol is in the place. Read reviews, ask others.
Solution to the buying grocery bags. Umm…bring your own. You should be doing that anyway. IMHO
They don’t charge for bags in my region. I hate all those bags. I hate having to find a way to dispose of them. You can only re-use so many.
“So it probably won’t hurt?”
“Definitely probably not!”
/Futurama
Tangentially related to this, I’ve heard flight attendants say similar things. Passengers think they’re helping when they stuff their used napkin inside their plastic cup and then stuff their soda can on top of it. But most airlines separate those items for recycling nowadays, so you’re just creating extra work for the flight attendant who now has to pull apart all those items to sort them into the correct bags.
I’m the customer. I don’t care what’s easier or harder for them.
I’m not going to be a jerk about it, and demand crazy shit just to show I’m a Princess, or make then run 3 times for 3 things when I could have asked for all 3 at once. Unless I genuinely forget one of them.
But my goal when I’m paying is to get it my way. I don’t ask for anything much out of the ordinary for the kind of place I’m in. But “easy on the server” is exactly nowhere in my priority list. Their job is to accommodate me and my reasonable and ordinary requests without complaint or (visible) eyeroll. They’ll be well-compensated at the end.
I agree with you. But the OP of this thread was about doing things to make the server’s life easier.
ETA: And just to confirm, we all know that flirting with a server is terrible, and excuses like “I’m very perceptive and can tell if they’re uncomfortable” are bullshit, right?
in a way, that is somewhat insulting (presumptuous), like they’re not going to deliver your food when it’s ready
In a group setting you would expect them to deliver all 6 or 8 meals simultaneously. Limited only by the size of their trays and the number spare servers available at that moment to help deliver the entire haul to the table.
If somebody of the group needs to leave early, ordering something simple and telling the server to not delay it to match the other diners is common. Nothing presumptuous about it.
There’s also a huge difference in expectations between eating at Denny’s and eating at a snooty steakhouse. I suspect some of the differences here depend heavily on what sort of eating out we each commonly do.
I do it and helping the crew never crossed my mind. It’s so that I will have less clutter in my seat and will only have to do one handoff to the crew.
Even knowing this, I am going to continue to do it except maybe if I have an aisle seat since despite having long arms I really dislike stretching over people and want to minimize it. However, knowing that they do recycle means that I won’t stuff anything inside the soda can from now on.
I haven’t seen this. Flight attendants come around with one bag and all trash goes into that one bag.
Also, if I don’t put everything together into the cup, I have had it that they have already walked past by the time I reach back with the second item. It’s literally seconds, but they only wait for one thing and then are at the rows behind. It’s quite annoying.
Yes, and by default, they will deliver all the apps, and wait until the diners are done to deliver the mains. I sometimes ask that they instead, bring the food ASAP, not all together.
I expect that’s more work than their default. I hope I’m not being too obnoxious by making this request, but it’s often of real value to my party and it’s not what we’ll get if we don’t request it.
I have seen them separate things, but I’m still going to compress my trash, for all the reasons others have mentioned.
Agree w @Eyebrows_0f_Doom. Some individuals at some carriers recycle. Perhaps some carriers push recycling harder than others. IME the vast majority of flights on my former employer had no real recycling.
If some airline is going to try to make recycling their norm, they need to make that easy for the passengers. Which includes telling us in advance to separate the streams, waiting long enough for us to hand all 2, 3, or 4waste streams to them, and not be dashing off to the next row after the first hand-off, etc., etc.
IME airlines love to dump extra tasks on the FAs because their labor while enroute costs nothing extra. Tasks they often resent and don’t really comply with, at least not in a thorough and enthusiastic way.
IME management also loved to issue new tasks for which they did not provide adequate materials. e.g. a 4-way split of waste streams requires 4 separate places to put the stuff and probably double or triple the trash bag count to hold it. Good luck getting either of those things in the cozy confines of a jet.
Most likely the store. I also have to pay for bags, and when I go to self- checkout, it asks how many bags I’ve used after I’ve scanned and bagged everything. Don’t see why cashier lanes can’t do the same.