Context: I’m an undergrad college student. Last week I went to one of my classes and saw a shawl resting on the back of the chair in which I normally sit. I asked my classmates if it belonged to any of them; they said no, it had probably been left there by whoever used the classroom prior to our class. I moved it to a chair behind me and assumed someone would come back for it, and forgot about it by the time my class ended.
The next day I got an email from my TA, asking if anyone had seen a cashmere shawl. I’m kicking myself for this, but I figured nothing bad could come of it, so I replied saying that I had moved it to a different chair in that room and gave a general location (“if you’re facing the windows if you’re on the left side of the room” or something like that).
Apparently my email and my name got forwarded to the owner of the shawl, because today I got an email from her that was also addressed to my TA. The email included the line, “I was careless for having left my shawl, but I am so sorry that you did not turn it in to the department office, where it would have been safe.” Apparently it was a gift from a former student. She also said that she hopes that I tell people to “turn things in.” tl;dr: I found a cashmere shawl, forgot to turn it in/thought the owner would come back for it soon; the owner is pissed at me because it’s nowhere to be found.
I know an apology is necessary, but I seriously have no idea what to write. Had this been a wallet or a cell phone, I would have stepped out of class to turn it in somewhere. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really did not know this was cashmere. I’ve never owned anything cashmere in my life. If I had recognized it as such, I would have turned it in right away.
Here is my rough draft:
Is this enough? I’m trying to keep it short and to the point, but I’m wondering if this is too little or should be worded differently. I’ve certainly apologized to people before, but never like this. Also, this professor is the head of the graduate program I was considering applying to :smack: If anyone has any advice, I’m all ears!
WTF? I see no reason why you are personally responsible for protecting someone else from their own stupidity. Anyone in the class, including the TA could have turned the shawl in to lost and found or whatever, but none of you had a duty to do so. Her attempt to blame you is bullshit.
What they said. I’m not sure I’d offer any apology - it was her responsibility to look after her shawl, not yours. If you think she needs one to remain cordial with you, I’d go with something less grovelly; maybe something like, “My apologies for not turning your shawl in to lost and found; I meant to do so, but forget in the rush of getting to my next class.”
You don’t owe her an apology. I agree it would be different if it was something the person obviously would really need back and would have a high chance of being stolen if it sat there for long, like a wallet, but a piece of clothing? I wouldn’t have paid any attention to it either and I don’t think most people would. An apparently pretty nice winter coat was just sitting on the ground in the stairwell of my large apartment building for at least a week and no one did anything with it.
I’m wiith everybody else. You don’t owe an apology. If anyone owes an apology, it’s maybe her teacher for not policing up the room after the students left.
And leave it to the TA to make any announcements on how important turning things in is. You have no obligation to put yourself on the spot for that either. No one of of who knows how many people “failed” to do it.
I agree that it sounds like she is taking it out on you unfairly. It’s not your fault, and while turning it in would have been a nice thing to do I think it’s totally understandable that you didn’t think of it. I probably wouldn’t have thought of it either.
However, ** since you are planning to apply to her program**, I do think it would be a good idea to try to smooth things over even though you technically didn’t do anything wrong. The way I’d word it might be “I am sorry to hear that the shawl didn’t get back to you. I regret not turning it in but unfortunately I didn’t think of it at the time. I hope that whoever took it does return it to you soon.”
I believe that part of the issue is that the owner of the shawl is the professor who runs the graduate that the OP wants to join so the note is less of an etiquette nicety and more a political move to reduce potential fallout.
If you feel obliged to write he a letter, make it in the form of something relevant to your desired field of study. Ethics or philosophy would be perfect, but shit, you could stretch yourself and turn it into a mechanical engineering problem if necessary. If you make it funny enough, you can contort pretty much any academic subject as being relevant to a lost shawl.
I too, am disappointed that your shawl did not remain in the classroom for you to collect; my intention at the time was to leave it clearly visible for its rightful owner.
It is unfortunate that my reasoning that the shawl was in a ‘safe place’ did not take into account the dishonesty of others.
I will keep my eye out for it, and trust that it will eventually be returned to you.
"Thank you for your offer of a free shawl. As it did not suit my needs, I left it alone, as you had, for whomever eventually did finfd it desirable. I’m sure he or she is even more grateful. "
You don’t have to say sorry for anything. It’s not your fault that arrogant loser can’t keep track of her precious cashmere shawl. She probably thinks you took it but can’t accuse you without proof.