But I do see why he asked that question. Your earlier comment (“I’m a grown woman-I think I can fasten my own seatbelt”; along with Eats_Crayons’s endorsement of it) could be interpreted to mean that the thing that’s wrong with buckling your seatbelt for you is that you can easily do it yourself. But lots of things that are considered to be thoughtful, chivalrous, or polite fall into this category. After all, you can open your own door; you can pull out your own chair; you can put down your own toilet seat; you can buy your own flowers… Does that make it wrong or creepy whenever someone else does something for you?
Granted, buckling your seatbelt for you is different—by why? What is the difference? Is it the invasion of personal space? Is it that normally (unless there are cultural differences I’m not aware of) it’s only small children who are buckled in by someone else? Is it that buckling you in is symbolically reminiscent of tying you up or restraining you?
I think it depends entirely on whether you asked him not to do it. It’s a slightly unusual habit but hardly a surefire indicator of some underlying pathology. Projecting ‘controlling tendencies’ because it was a quirk shared by an unfortunate former flame doesn’t cut it.
Now if you politely asked him not to do it and he continued anyway, yeah, that would be rather creepy. Otherwise it just sounds to me like an unusual expression of courtesy. Guys really aren’t psychic about stuff like this. Possibly he was taught that was how he was supposed to treat a date. Some holdovers from very formal manners can be slightly startling. You rarely see it anymore–thank heavens–but the protocol of ‘man walks on the curb side’ makes me twitch, mostly because it can turn a simple stroll down a crowded sidewalk into an ineptly choreographed hassle. That’s no big deal either. If something bothers me I figure out a kind, tactful way to get the point across. Simple.
Thudlow Boink, I get what you’re saying. See, the way I look at it is-opening doors for people is something that in our society, we consider to be the polite thing to do. If someone’s behind me, I’ll hold the door for them, or whatever. It’s more of a, “Here-after you.” It’s not something we do just for children, but for adults as well.
But putting on someone’s seatbelt for them involves leaning over me, pulling the straps over my legs and then buckling me in-getting right in my face, and basically going overboard. I don’t know how to explain it exactly-it’s just overdoing it. This IS reserved only for children most of the time, and it would make me feel like a child.
Oh, no, I didn’t project controlling tendencies onto him over this. I was of the camp that thought it was sweet. Even though the most controlling person I’ve ever known was the only other person I’ve ever had do it, I didn’t assume this guy was like that because he did it.
For me, yes. Leaning across me, with your armpit right in my face, to buckle my seatbelt is just not a good impression.
Opening a door, helping me on with my coat, pulling out a chair for me does not get you “too close” into my admittedly large zone of personal space.
I think you guys are all reading too much into this. As described (and clarified), it sounds as though this is something this guy has always done, perhaps even slightly absent-mindedly (not necessarily because of kids), and has never realised that anyone else might find it a little strange. The only reason the OP asked around was because she had had a bad experience related to this (slightly odd) behaviour before. Of course, that doesn’t mean that none of your (paranoid ) theories may actually be true, but innocent until proven guilty, huh?
Heh. I occasionally do this to my SO (perhaps after a very, very minor argument) to “stop her running away.” But only sweetly, with a grin on my face - we both know it’s a joke. FTR, I usually open the door for her, but I’ve never strapped her in.
I think his heart was in the right place - but it’s a ham-handed kindly gesture. Kinda fits with the reason you left him - being not that bright as you said. I don’t see it as creepy, but as an attempt to kind of symbolize he wants you safe. It worked.
I would rather have someone be “too kind” than “not kind enough.” Nobody ever told him not to do it, so I vote “not creepy.”
I agree. It is also helpful to bear in mind what sort of clothing you were wearing on your date- some styles of dress and blouse can either be very revealing or look very awkward when you are reaching across to get the seatbelt. It might be that he was trying to spare you this.
Of course, I’m not the person to ask. If the feelings I had for my wife were not reciprocated 100%, I’d likely be in prison right now.
Another vote for creepy, but consider the source: I’m about as far from a “girly-girl” as it’s possible for a straight chick (or even some of the gay ones I know!) to be, so I don’t even like it when guys try open car doors for me/pull out my chair/etc.
Still, though, IMO seatbelt-fastening crosses the “creepy” boundary even for somebody way more girly than I am.
Without more information, I really can’t say. I can say from experience that it might have been neither. I used to have a 1980 Camaro that had a screwy passenger seatbelt. I got in the driver’s seat and reached over the console to latch it for passengers (after they pulled it out themselves) because it would only catch if you put it in the buckle at a slight angle. Most of my friends were used to it so I got out of the habit of mentioning it. When somebody new asked I’d tell them. Otherwise, I thought nothing of it.
For all we know, he might have gotten a ticket for having a passenger not wearing a seatbelt.
Now, if he had no logical and/or practical reason for it, I’d probably put him in the creepy catagory.
) theories may actually be true, but innocent until proven guilty, huh?