Is this "high maintanance"?

So I’m talking with this girl on the phone yesterday and she brings up something which upset her.
Apparently a few days ago she was out grocery shopping. It was raining, I don’t know how hard, and she walked out of the supermarket with three bags. Walking to her car, she ran into a “friend…no, an acquaintance” who was also leaving the store. He had just gone in for one item and he was parked up front. She was parked in the back and he knew it because they chatted for a few seconds.
Anyway, he left.
Now I’m wondering what the problem is. “He never offered to drive me to my car. I had to walk all the way back there with three bags,” she said. “What do you think about that?”
Now, I will unabashedly admit I don’t know the first thing about females, but I was 99% certain at that point that “Jesus Christ, what the hell is the big deal” was the wrong answer.
She said she bumped him down from friend to acquaintance because of this. I’m pretty sure she was serious.

So anyway, what’s the right move in this situation? As a guy, I might have helped her with her bags, seeing as how I wasn’t carrying anything. But it would never have occurred to me to offer her a ride 100 feet (or however long), and I can’t believe I would be penalized for my horrendous faux paus.
I mean, if this guy did give her a ride to her car and she was praising him about it, I could agree with her that that was a pretty spiffy thing he did. But I just don’t see how she could be upset by his failure to.

Am I wrong here? Someone tell me where I’m wrong.

Your only mistake was in being…99% certain at that point that “Jesus Christ, what the hell is the big deal” was the wrong answer.

Another correct answer might be:“Holy Hannah! When did all the shopping carts leave Kansas?”

There are a couple things we don’t know:


** If** it were raining hard,


** If** the parling lot was huge, so that “back” means a really long treck (i.e., Super-Wal mart on a very very busy day)


If her bags were full of heavy cans and awkward bulky things like six-packs of paper towels


If You live in one of those weired states where she isn’t allowed to take the buggy out of the store,

Then it would have been legitimate for her to ask for a ride. Expecting him to think of it himself is ridiculous unless she is eight months pregnant (and all the above apply), and even then, she should have gone ahead and asked, not suffered in silence and then called up a mutual friend to bitch.

No matter what, it was legitimate to think “gee, I wish he had offered me a ride,” onlyy becasue thinking these things helps us think about what we should do in similair circumstances: it trains our empathy. But bitching about it to another person and being seriously miffed is a faux-paux.

Sounds like his lucky day.

I’m thinking the main problem wasn’t the bags she was carrying, but the rain. So even if she took the cart outside she’d still be getting wet.
Still, the amount of time it would take to get her and her three bags in one car, out that car and in another, plus the water she’d leave in her “friend’s” car, well…how much difference would it make?
The main thing is that I happen to not mind the rain. I’d have walked slowly to my car just to prove to Ms. Nature that it couldn’t push my ass around like that.
Apparently she thought she would melt. Eh…I can’t figure it out.

Putting myself in her situation … I would have appreciated the offer, but I probably would have turned it down (unless the car was, like, miles away). I would certainly not have expected him to offer, nor would I be so upset about it I would still be telling people about it a couple days later, and downgrading my relationship with the person.

Not merely high maintenance, but somewhat pathetic IMHO.

If she was so annoyed that she had to walk to her car in the rain, why did she stop to talk to the guy in the parking lot in the first place? Wasn’t she getting wet during the conversation, so what difference could it possibly have made that she walked to her car? I have to agree withRingo it sounds like she did him a big favor.

If I were the guy, I’d definitely offer her a ride. My first thought was that the guy was a prick for not doing that.

You people have no idea about the shoes girls sometimes wear. Walking in the rain in stillettos with three heavy bags is a PAIN.

If it was a small parking lot, she obviously wouldn’t have complained. He could have at least offered a ride.

I’d downgrade all the way.

On the off chance the above post isn’t a joke, let me just say that anyone who goes grocery shopping in stiletto heels deserves all the suffering they get.

**Enderw/b], dude. Bookmark this thread. Save it. If you ever have the thought cross your mind to ask her out, review this carefully.

Well, if the guy thought she (his friend) deserved the suffering, he really deserves the downgrade.

Hee hee…heh…

Maybe you should change that to “some girls sometimes wear” because I doubt a woman with half a brain would choose that particular type of footwear for grocery shopping. I sure as hell wouldn’t. Now, if she was picking up something last minute on the way to a date…

Yeah, I’m female and I don’t think it would ever cross my mind to ask someone to give me a ride to the car…that’s kind of odd. Plus even if they didn’t, it’s not because they’re a total jerk- perhaps it just didn’t cross their mind either. Asking wouldn’t have been so bad, but obsessing over the fact that someone DIDN’T do something without being asked is…odd. If she had such a problem, she should have requested the ride. She didn’t, therefore, IMHO, she ought to get over it.

Definitely high-maintenance. Based only on the OP, I think I’d be embarrassed to admit this girl was my friend. The relationships she has must be total nightmares for the guys. If she wanted help or a ride, and if it’s such a big deal for her, why didn’t she just ask?

Wow. I hope you knocked her down to acquaintaince. That’s too much.

Well, I’ve certainly knocked her down to bimbo. (and I won’t start on the idea of wearing heels grocery shopping.)

She’s being dumb. No one is obligated to offer you a ride if you’ve parked within sight. (No one is obligated to offer you a ride regardless, but it’s even sillier if it’s to your car and you can walk there easily.) I thought I was high maintanance, but I guess I’m wrong. Or maybe I’m just hard on my SO’s and easier on my friends.

And I always work on the ideaq that if I was too stupid to dress appropriately for the occassion I deserve to suffer. If its going to be cold, bring your own jacket. If you’re going to be hauling heavy bags, wear decent shoes, etc.

I’m still trying to figure out this business of “downgraded [him] from a friend to an acquaintance.” Who the heck makes little lists of the people they know and tags some as “friends” and others as “acquaintances”? If this guy does something else she doesn’t like, is he downgraded further to “stranger”?

I can see this woman making casual conversation. “Hey, how’s your friend Bob doing?” “Bob isn’t a friend anymore. He’s been downgraded, so now I don’t give a damn about him.” “Oh. How about John?” “You can ask about John, I’ve upgraded him to ‘soulmate’…”

Spoiled brat syndrome. But some (many) people seem to like high maint. chicks. :confused:

ruadh, you’re my new hero.

Yeah, this seems a little too “game-playing” for me. Expecting someone to do this particular thing seems a bit much.

One more vote for “high-maintenance”, which, in this case, is code for “do not get involved with this person.”