I’m assuming she has gone to the clubs to rescue your teenaged daughter, who has been lured out by a “boy” she met on the internet. Fortunately Prunella is a good mother, and she won’t let any sleezy internet predator take advantage of little Fifi-Estelle.
Of course, as she was coming home at three in the morning with a hysterical Fifi-E. by her side, a pedestrian all in black jaywalked in front of her. She crashed at someone, at a place she barely knew.
I’m so sorry for your loss. She was a good mother and a good wife (just not such a good driver).
There is legitimately not enough info in the OP to definitely say one way or another. I really don’t think this is an issue of sophistry. My gut says that, yes, in most situations this would not be okay, but I don’t have the whole story here. Did she drive and instead of driving decide to crash somewhere? Who is this person she “barely knows”? Is this a regular occurrence or a one-time thing?
It’s not the “going out,” it’s the not coming back. It’s not even like there’s a reason. Going out to get trashed and then crashing with strangers is not something that makes for happy kids. That’s irresponsible and selfish.
Really, the point is if you’re asking the question here, OP, the behavior is not okay for you. Who gives a damn what we think? You are obviously not okay with whatever your situation is. Even if you did come back here to provide more details and we were all like “Dude. It’s totally fine behavior for a loving wife/mother and you are way overreacting…”
Our child is 1. This would be the 3rd time in 4 weekends she went out. She is a stay at home mom that our child is very dependent on at night, she is a bad sleeper. We have only been married 3 months. My feeling are this. People can influence ur choices but they are still your own. I am not a perfect husband, this imo is not a reason for a free pass to forget you got married and had a child and satisfy ur own needs.
*[Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud, loud music
Is the only kind of life you’ll ever understand
Dim lights, thick smoke and loud, loud music
You’ll never make a wife to a home-loving man
A home and little children mean nothing to you
A house filled with love and a husband so true
You’d rather have a drink with the first guy you meet
And the only home you’ll know is the club down the street](Joe Maphis: Dim Lights, Thick Smoke - 1959 - YouTube)*
(YouTube link to the awesome Joe & Rose Lee Maphis)
I think it’s probably not good behaviour, but here’s a thought: caring for a baby is exhausting. She probably needs some sort of break and time away. I hate clubbing myself, but what is your specific worry?
It’s childish and selfish—she’s just having fun, never mind her family
It’s not proper behaviour for a mother
She might meet other guys and have an affair
I have to take care of the child
Honestly, without more information, it sounds like the two of you just don’t have a good division of labour regarding the child at night. There could be a lot more to the story, of course; I’m just going on what you say here and assuming good motives on both sides.
Thanks for giving us more information, however poorly spelled. Now some more honest feedback:
It sounds like she’s behaving unwisely.
My guess is she feels really trapped and as Drake said, exhausted.
Rustin, what possible good can come of posting this here? Are you looking to beat her over the head with results?
If I found myself in your situation, I think I’d try for a conversation along these lines:
“Honey, can we talk for a bit? I know you’re really exhausted with caring for Junior all the time, and you need some time away from home. But when you’re gone for an entire night it worries me. Would it help you if I committed to caring for Junior on some weeknights as well so you can get a good night’s sleep? Also, are you sure you’re happy being a Stay-at-home-mom? If you’re feeling trapped, maybe we could look into some part-time daycare to give you a chance to get out and go job-hunting.”
She’s clearly going out for a reason, and I doubt the reason is that she’s so freakin’ happy with her home life that she has to go tell strangers. If you try to browbeat her or shame her into no longer getting her clubbing fix, I don’t anticipate a long and happy marriage for y’all. Instead, talk about what she’s getting from these nights out, talk about why it’s bothering you, and figure out a way that she, you, and Junior can all get your needs met. Be sure you’re willing to make some sacrifice in exchange for what you’re asking from her.
If the choices are 1) going out and partying at clubs or 2) crashing at some stranger’s place, neither is good for the kids or her relationship with her husband.
ETA: can the OP at least try and type comprehensibly?