GRRR! Women at bars! Square peg round hole.

The BBQ Pit
1

Fuck! When will I ever fucking learn that th square peg DOES’T fit in the round hole?

I know I’ve told myself at least a hundred times I’m not going to get involved with women I meet at bars!

Back story:

Heading home from work I hit my local pub for a couple of brews. I get there; the only available seat is one right next to this rather attractive lady. Lucky me I thought. So I strike up a conversation with her. Come to find out that we coincidentally have a lot of mutual friends together; so we had a lot to talk about.

It was a nice conversation. I had about three beers and got out of there. The next day I couldn’t get this girl out of my head. So I thought to myself: “Heh, I’ll hit happy hour again today and maybe I’ll luck out and she’ll be there too.”

Well, I did luck out and she did indeed get there about 20min after I did. I was delighted when she made a conscious effort to come sit by me. (even asking the guy next to me to scoot down one bar stool so we could sit together.) I was even more delighted when she confessed to me the only reason she came was in hopes that she might see me! “Wow!” I thought.

We again had fun. So much fun in fact that we wound up staying there until about 10:30! (I’m normally out of there by 7:30 at the latest) during our conversation we had made plans to go out Friday night. we also had lunch earlier that day.

This meant I had to explain to my son why I wasn’t picking him up this weekend. (unlike most weekend Dads I get my son EVERY weekend) He wasn’t too fucking pleased to say the least. But hey, Dad needs a life too. Although my feelings of guilt were significant, I was determined to keep my date with this girl.

The plan was to meet up at the bar and then we were supposed to go out for dinner and whatever else comes to mind.

So I go to the bar, she’s already there at a table with a bunch of other female friends.(not part of the plan but whatever) Apparently the topic of conversation when I got there was “how much men suck” like a [del]good sport[/del] dumb-ass I just sat there politely and took it.

A few moments goes by and she asks me if it would be all right if we just skipped dinner and hung out there. I only agreed because by this point the conversation went from “men suck” to politics which I found slightly more interesting.

And then it fucking happened. I hear a big sigh come out of my would be dream girl. I asked her what the problem was she told me that her ex-boyfriend just walked in the door. She also admitted to me that they just broke up about a week ago and that she’s still in love with him!! “Oh but it’s definately over!!” she says.

WTF!?!? Man! I get that they got history, and she loves him and all that but why the fuck did she have to yank my chain around? I didn’t do not a God damned thing to deserve this! This is only compounded by the fact that I totally blew my son off for this girl!!

Anyway, it was at this point I politely excused myself from the table and went home. To her defence she did apologize but that did very little to keep me from felling like shit.

Fuck I’m pissed! Not at her, but at myself. NO MORE SQUARE PEGS IN THE ROUND HOLE, SHAKES!

Also, I’m sorry son.

2

Where’s the part about you gulping down the last of your drink, tossing a fiver on the table and announcing “I’m out of here.”?

3

Never put a love interest ahead of your child. Lesson learned.

4

Did you perhaps let it slip about the square peg? Maybe that’s why she chilled on you.

5

I hear ya, bro. FWIW, this isn’t something endemic to bars. I thought I might actually be getting somewhere with a woman I’m quite fond of, but she just got back together with the boyfriend who unceremoniously dumped her a couple of months ago. :smack:

(Granted, over the years I’ve become skittish and pokey when it comes to asking someone out, but she had shown some interest in me and had to have known I liked her. So much for wishful thinking.) Sigh.

6

There’s your mistake. You emasculated yourself, and then you got shocked when she treated you like one of the girls.

You weren’t polite, you were a sap. Imagine if you had stood up to them and fought their misandry; not denying that some individual men suck, but calling their sexism for what it was. Either she would have rejected you (which would be just as well if that’s what she really thought) or else she would see you a guy who sticks up for himself and isn’t going to take crap from anyone, including her.

If you sat there and took it about her friends insulting you, why shouldn’t she assume you’ll take it when she uses you as an emotional tampon?

Ditto all the above. She breaks your date that you had already rearranged your schedule for, and again you just take it. She doesn’t need to know about your kid, and you certainly shouldn’t plead with her. When she breaks the date, you just say “no problem,” tell her you’re going to hook up with some freinds or something. Imply that you might be going somewhere you might meet women.

It’s a lie, of course; you’re going home to jerk off and indulge in some self-loathing because you stupidly prioritized her over your child. But even that’s preferable to sitting there with a tattoo on your forehead that says “I’m desperate, and will take infinite amounts of crap from you in order to get in your pants, which I never will” which is what you in fact did.

7

First off I think your missing the context of how this was being done. It was all done in good humor. And I DID have a few quips of my own but when you’re out numbered 4 to 1; your quips pretty much fall on death ears.

Wow, what vile crap! First off I’m not one of these guys that’s going to get all pissed off just because things don’t go exactly as planed. And quite frankly I can’t understand why ANY woman would find that attractive. Despite my previous post, I was starting to have a good time.

My good time didn’t take a downward spiral until she dropped the boyfriend crap. Which I then DID excuse myself from the date.

This whole thing that I’m supposed to lie to her to make her think I’m going elsewhere to look for women is sophomoric at best. (Thanks for the chuckle tho’)

And as far as my child goes; re-read my post. I told you that I see my kid every weekend. I don’t know about you furt, but for me, it’s pretty fucking hard to find dates during the fucking work week. Are you suggesting I don’t have a life until my kid is all grown up and moved out on is own?

Fuck you.

8

I didn’t want to say this earlier but FTR: That Thursday night when we stayed at the bar a little longer tan we should have; she told me in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be opposed to going home with me that night. I told her “no” because I’ve put “those” kind of days behind me. And besides, I felt a real connection with this girl and I didn’t want to fuck it up with that awkward feeling you get when you have sex with some one you barely know.

So you should know I’m not just some sap looking to get down some girls pants.

9

The one thing I think you’re not fully considering here is that she was ready to fuck you. On day 2. After spending 4 hours with her. That’s a big time red flag, and likely would have turned me off in an instant. If you didn’t want to fuck it up, aren’t you concerned that she didn’t consider this?

10

You were the one who called yourself a dumbass for taking it; I assume you had your reasons.

Neither am I, which is why I said no such thing. All I said was that she broke your agreed-on date, and you took it. Getting pissed off is obviously the last thing to do; what I was suggesting instead was that since she was having a good time and wanted to break the date, you should be willing to oblige (since you have other friends and possibilities).

if she had told you in advance that she wanted you to hang out with her and the girls in the bar all night, would you have said yes in advance? I sure wouldn’t, as I’d suspect that meant she was seeing me as a friend, not a romantic partner.

I submit that that’s when you found out you were already into a downward spiral into the “buddy” zone.

No, and I may have been unfair in saying “stupidly.” But you did prioritize her over your kid, at least for one night.

What would have happened if you had said you couldn’t see her over the weekend because you had your son, and he was your priority, and she’d have to wait until the weekend after (when you could tell him more in advance and thus soften the blow). Either she’d reject you because you weren’t available for her exactly when she wanted (unlikely, but in which case good riddance), or else she’s going to see that you are a guy who a) cares deeply about his kid b) isn’t so overimpressed with her that he’s going to rearrange his schedule for her.
IME, the one thing you can never let a woman think is that you need her more than she needs you. Made that mistake too many times myself. YMMV.

11

If a guy I was into said, “I’d love to go out to dinner with you, but I have my son every weekend. Can you make Monday night instead?” I’d do it, in a heart beat. And you’d earn extra points for being a thoughtful dad.

Sorry about your crappy date. Sorry that your son felt slighted by his dad, too.

12

I phrased it crudely, but you do want to get into her pants, sooner or later, even if only in the bounds of holy matrimony. It may not be all you want, and I hope it isn’t, and I’m the same way. But guys who are infinitely nice and polite and understanding get put into the “friend” category, from which they never leave.

13

furt The thing that was pissing me off the most was she with held the boyfriend crap. And even in that same night we were all sitting at the table, she kept putting her hand on my leg, touching, hugging, kissing…
So believe when I tell you I had absolutely NO indicator that she thought of me in the buddy camp.

Actually, now that I’ve thought this through. Maybe she just wanted to get laid and nothing more.

Damn!

14

You were offered a hard sell and refused the offer. What would you expect? She is a girl in a bar after all and so are you (not the girl part though). That was a logistically horrible move. As the reverse of the usual situation, you hung your hopes on romance and she just wanted instant gratification. You had to ditch your son to make that bet as well and it didn’t work. What is she supposed to think? I don’t believe her claim with her boyfriend is correct either. Those are usually manipulative and/or self-destructive. She is probably caught up in turmoil and the usual romance gambit will not work. Catch her again in a year and it might but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

15

No, he doesn’t. His son IS his life. See, it’s not that the Dad did his part when he planted his seed, and now he gets to catch up on lost time. Just my opinion. Might be your son’s as well.

16

With the title of the thread, and the fact that a man and a woman are involved, I just cannot get the image out of my head of a man trying to put a square penis into a vagina. :eek:

17

I agree. I can’t sympathize with the OP blowing off his kid to try to score some piece of ass in a bar. What he did to his son was worse than whatever he imagines this barfly did to him.

18

Are you kidding me? No romance for Dad until the kid is grown up? :dubious:
Unless you guys have more evidence to submit that I’m a neglectful father or even that my kid comes second to “get’n laid.” I sugest you shut the hell up. I think having one night for myself isn’t too unreasonable.

I’ve done a lot more for my kid than just donate my seed. :rolleyes:

19

And once again, the attraction of perpetual singlehood increases.

20

I’m not saying you’re neglectful, just that you made one mildly selfish decision. It’s not a referendum on you as a parent, but it makes hard to feel all that sorry for you that you got shot down.

I’m also not saying “no romance for dad.” You just have to find a way to work it around your kid, that’s all.