Other than conjecture (she was too drunk to drive and/or she was having sex with someone else), we do not know the reason why the OP’s wife crashed at someone else’s house.
Rustin - what reason does she supply for not coming home? Does the reason that she gives fit the facts, or do you think there may be another explanation she is not giving you? Does she tell you in advance she might not come home, or does she call you after she is already out? Or doesn’t she call you at all, she just fails to show up?
No, it’s reasonably neutral in regards to parenting, because the child is left in the care of her father, and the mother is not away for an extended period of time.
Frankly, from the standpoint of a 1 year old, this is no different than Mom taking a weekend trip to Grandma’s house, or traveling for business.
What would concern me is not the parenting, but her general emotional health, and the health of her relationship with the OP. Suddenly going out on benders and crashing at folks houses is unhealthy behavior, and it’s not a good sign that she’s making this a habit.
Guess I should’ve rephrased the original statement. No, getting trashed and crashing at someone’s house every weekend isn’t right. Yes, first partner deserves time off/to herself during the weekend, especially if the other partner has little to do with child rearing during the week. Even if the time off is a few hours.
People over a certain age, whether or not they have spouses or kids, shouldn’t be crashing at the houses of people they barely know. It’s kind of pathetic.
Then they have the other six nights a week to do so.
I love my parents, they love me, we love spending time together. Always have. But they always had lives outside of us–Mom went to a weight loss club one night a week, and they were on a bowling league together another night a week. Daddy stayed with us the one night, and our grandparents or aunt took care of us the other. And I don’t remember ever missing them–they were both there every morning, every afternoon after work, all of almost every weekend, and all the other nights of the week. The time they were gone was a tiny, tiny fraction of the time they were there.
And once or twice a year they’d be gone for a weekend and leave us with family or with some of our friends. It was awesome, we got to do all sorts of things we didn’t ordinarily get to. We missed them a little, but that just made us happier to see them when they got home. And as the old saying goes, how can I miss you if you never leave?
Hell, my parents have had my little niece overnight one night every other week since she was 3 weeks old. It’s been awesome for all of them–bro gets a night out with his buddies, sil gets a night to see her friends or luxuriate in being alone, the folks get time with Stinkbug, Stinkbug gets time with them and learns her parents’ lives don’t revolve around her.
So yes, parenting does allow for weekends off from time to time. You can’t go off and leave the little beggars to fend for themselves, obviously, but that’s not what anybody’s talking about.
And I’m not willing to condemn the mom in the OP without a lot more information. People are assuming she’s getting too drunk to get home and has to stay with someone else, but you know what happens when you assume. If the kid is a “bad sleeper” and gets her up multiple times every night, it seems just as likely that she’s choosing to stay somewhere else just so she can get some damn sleep once in a while. Hell, maybe she’s getting drunk so that she has an excuse to stay somewhere else and get a decent night’s sleep.
If I were given the opportunity to get wasted and crash at a friend’s* place, my husband would tell me to go. Heck, he would insist that I go. Getting out of the house and blowing off steam is something I don’t get to do very often and is good for all of us.
*however, this ‘someone she barely knows’ thing is throwing me. Who does that?
Sure it does. My mom was a stay at home mother who homeschooled the 4 of us. She absolutely needed the occasional weekend away from us. She didn’t go clubbing, but went to women’s retreats and the like sometimes.