Let’s say that someone fell out with a superior at work. John fell out with his boss, Jill, at work. The fall out is professional; it wasn’t as if John and Jill started punching each other or started yelling rude insults at each other.
Jill calls a meeting of all John’s co-workers and lectures the co-workers about John’s behavior without ever naming John. The co-workers know who Jill is talking about though.
Is this rude?
Jill talks in private about John’s actions.
Is this rude?
Jill calls John a “brat” to his face.
Is this rude?
John calmly leaves Jill’s office, and says have a good day to Jill. Jill hears, but ignores John.
I was cutting Jill so much slack. I thought that Jill wasn’t being rude because she talked about John’s actions rather than … say … his character.
I guess that my quitting my job is really justified because for a long time I held my “Jill” in very high esteem … despite some recent doubts. When I finally walked out after being called a “brat” despite my offer of reconciliation I opened the door very calmly (no slamming), turned around, said have a good day (I didn’t even say it sarcastically), and was greeted by silence.
Dude. If a hypo is about you, you don’t need to construct so much mystique around it, inventing names and describing it from a third party perspective. That’s so pretentious. Like if you had gotten advice contrary to what you wanted to hear, I get the feeling you would have said, “Oh this is for a friend, not me!” innocent face
Own your problems and you’ll get more respect, even if people think you did something stupid.
I would not have said that. I probably would have gave more details about “John” and “Jill.” Which would have made it pretty obvious that I’m talking about myself.
You may be referring to my other thread about bosses, higher-ups, and the such. That one was definitely not about me but about a friend. This one is, however, about me.
I’d say that the first, third, and fourth actions are rude. The second may be, but not necessarily, depending on what she says and to whom she says it. There’s a big difference between saying to a higher-up, “I’m concerned that John’s actions may delay the production of a necessary report. Do you have any suggestions?” and “John’s being a pain in the neck. Any way you can get him transferred to another branch so he’s somebody else’s problem?”
I don’t see enough information here to come to that conclusion. All we know about is “Jill’s” actions, nothing about what (might have) triggered them.
Roddy
She shouldn’t have used the word “brat” in the workplace, but there’s not enough information in the story for me to conclude that she was wrong. Maybe John was acting like a brat. Maybe his behavior was serious enough to warrant a private conversation.
I’ve been in meetings where the boss scolded all of us because of the behavior of unnamed but “known” individual. Those kind of meetings are inherently awful. But if the behavior is awful enough, maybe that’s just how it has to be. I don’t know.
Yeah, my first thought was, “Is she a five-year-old?”
Grown-ups handle disputes privately, between the two of them. They don’t passive-aggressively spread it around the office trying to prove that she was “right.”
If office politics in general are not toxic, I’d probably mention to her superior that her behavior was making it awkward for the rest of the office. Hard to do your job when you feel like you have to tip-toe around Ms. Can’t-Let-It-Go-Already.
(Unfortunately, people like this usually work in offices that are toxic, which is why she thinks she can get away with acting like a petulant child.)
One does not “fall out” with one’s superiors at work, however, quote-unquote, “professionally.” The term you mean is “insubordination.”
You are not friends, and you are not workplace equals. If you think your boss has got something wrong, you tactfully let her know and then loyally support her plan of action.
