My Alma Mater had these on one of the Physics Department’s pages. (Snipped the repeats)
Chicken Jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
A: |Chicken| |turkey| sine theta!
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a rock climber?
A: You silly! A rock climber is a scalar!!
A farmer is having problems with his chickens. They are all suddenly getting very sick and he doesn’t know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can’t come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. All of the sudden, he starts scribbling away in a notebook. After several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, “I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Cat Jokes/Schroedinger Cat Jokes
Q: Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew (mu).
Take one ordinary cat, one large box, a particle detector, a radiation source, a bottle of cyanide gas. Hook up the detector so that if it detects a particle from the radiation source, it will open the cyanide gas. Set it up inside the box in such a way that there will be a 50% probability of a particle being detected from the radiation source within a five minute period. Add the cat to the box.
Theory says that the cat will enter a quantum state where it is 50% alive and 50% dead until the experimenter looks inside the box. However, reality teaches us that the severely pissed off cat cat WILL escape the box well before the 5 minutes are up, attack the experimenter and depart just in time for the severely lacerated experimenter to watch the hammer descend on the cyanide bottle one inch from his nose.
The Humane Society has placed up for adoption a lovable cat that was recently removed from the laboratory of a noted physicist. The animal was abused repeatedly, having been exposed to poisonous gas and also being placed in close proximity to radioactivity. Cruel experiments like this cannot be tolerated. The owner has been charged with numerous counts of animal cruelty. Dr. Schrodinger’s cat is recovering nicely, however.
If Schroedinger’s Cat walks into a forest, and no one is around to observe it, is he really in the forest?
Other
Anything that doesn’t matter has no mass.
Old physicists don’t die; their wave functions go to zero as time goes to infinity.
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalize the wave function.
(Explanation - Renormalizing the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer from being infinity…instead, the answer always comes out as one.)
The following theorem can now be supported using some basic physics and two well known propositions, namely :
Knowledge is Power.
Time is Money.
As every physicist knows, Power = Work/Time.
Therefore, Knowledge = Power = Work / Time = Work / Money, or
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus for any given amount of work, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money goes to infinity (the executives). And conversely, as Knowledge gets larger, Money gets smaller (scientists and academics). QED
Enjoy,
Steven
Loving these!!
