I’m not sure if this question can be answered, since you can only have experience of one or the other, not both, so no real basis for comparison. But it’s something I wonder about anyway.
There are stereotypes on both sides: one is that men are less sensitive souls, so they don’t suffer as much. Many men would argue that this is largely false.
Unrequited twice over here…male and it definitely sucks.
Andreas Capellanus: The Art of Courtly Love, (btw.
1174-1186)
DE ARTE HONESTE AMANDI
[The Art of Courtly Love], Book Two: On the Rules of Love
1.Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2.He who is not jealous cannot love.
3.No one can be bound by a double love.
4.It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5.That which a lover takes against his will of his beloved has no relish.
6.Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity.
7.When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8.No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9.No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
10.Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11.It is not proper to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry.
12.A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13.When made public love rarely endures.
14.The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15.Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16.When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17.A new love puts to flight an old one.
18.Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19.If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20.A man in love is always apprehensive.
21.Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22.Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
23.He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleeps very little.
24.Every act of a lover ends with in the thought of his beloved.
25.A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26.Love can deny nothing to love.
27.A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28.A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29.A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30.A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31.Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
I’d think it’s harder on men because we’re not “supposed” to give in to emotions. We’re still expected to tough it out, and you don’t get much sympathy from your peers when you’re hurting. In fact you’re more apt to get unrelenting ribbing for even admitting that you have a heartache.
i think it’s harder for guys, too. whenever i’m feeling angry/sad about unrequited love (well, let’s face it, infatuation), there’s always a group of girls to listen and relate and have a big “boys are stupid” conversation. makes it much easier to deal with.
History teaches us:
If a woman gets intensely sexually frustrated, she can always pick up a man at the bar and service him to some level of her satisfaction.
If a man gets intensely sexually frustrated, he can always pick up a firearm and wipe out those who offend him to his level of satisfaction.
The moral? Always put out.
Cool post, Muffin. No 13 puzzles me, but 20 is spot on. Smart man Mr Capellanus.
I think that unrequited love is much harder on women. If a guy doesn’t like a girl, she thinks her thighs are too big, her breasts are too small, and she’s just generally ugly. If a girl doesn’t like a guy, he figures there’s something wrong with her.
It sure was hard on this man. It was even more so because I told no one, not even her. I’m sure that even today, no one knows. It’s not a matter of male/female. It’s a matter of how one tends to react to things - I overreact, but restrain it fiercly. Therefore, it hit me like a ton of bricks shot from a cannon.
I’m gonna go off and cry now…
To make sense of number 13, go back to number 1: “Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.” E.g. courtly and unrequited love between a courtier and a married and therefore unobtainable lady.
Now have a look at number 13: “When made public love rarely endures.” At best, the lady would fear for her position, and tell the courtier to “piss off.” At worst, the lady’s husband would go into “Off with his head!” mode.
Women have greater opportunity to immediately drown their sorrows in the arms of a newly acquired lover.
Men rarely have the respite of such a (however shallow but effective) facility.
Therefore, men tend to suffer more and for longer periods.
It’s almost always easier on the person who doesn’t do the requiting. 
Unless you’re Nicole Brown Simpson.
Men , because women can go out again and pick and choose usually , along with the going to a bar for some service
also there is more moral support in female circles when men
don’t talk of such things and switch on a game on the TV instead , but then its happened 5 times to me so i’m pretty bitter i guess , but then they all used me then chucked me in the bin so i’m pissed off too to alot of money lost
Does lusting for the centerfold count?
Wow. Maybe I should’ve seen this coming, but I’m kind of stunned by all these responses that say all a woman has to do to feel better about not being loved in return is go out and have random, meaningless sex with some stranger.
Random, meaningless sex makes you feel great physically (if it’s good, which is a big if), but it doesn’t do jack for your emotional state.
Heh, very true. Quote an old roommate of mine:
“What??? She doesn’t want me?!? I didn’t know she was a lesbian!”
Not always true. I had incredibly low self-esteem because I got nothing but rejection from women I wanted to be romantically involved with well into my twenties. I couldn’t just think ‘There’s something wrong with her’ - these were women I was in love with, which meant that they could do no wrong in my eyes - it obviously had to be something wrong with me.
Of course, there was something wrong with me - I was putting the women I loved on a pedestal. Once I got bitter and fed up with love and stopped doing that, I started having a lot more luck with the ladies.