I am new to the Straight Dope (although a longtime lurker) but you will soon discover I am always on Team Monkey. At work, I insist on being known as the Senior NonHuman Primate Correspondent.
"…32-year-old Coley Mitchell, was discovered “drunk” and “partially nude.” They will observe that two monkeys were “out of their cages” and running wild in the lab when Mitchell was found. They will tut-tut that Mitchell, a friend to all animals [who are down to party and aren’t narcs or dicks], was arrested for “public drunkenness,” even though, in many fraternal organizations, public drunkenness is considered a virtue—something to aspire to.
Following the antics of Drunk Monkey Monday, the monkeys were checked out by a veterinarian. Kind of weird that it’s cool when a vet touches the little guys all on their bellies and tells them he loves them and holds them real close, but when ol’ Whiskey Mitchell does the same thing, it’s considered “behavior that conflicts with the research, education, and clinical missions of the university.”