Something you don’t seem to “get” is the fact that people are different from each other. Different people have different skills, and not everyone is the same as you. Some people even sing in different accents (gasp!)
Those concepts are ones you have to grasp before you can begin to understand how and why they’re different, as Frylock is trying to do.
If you love someone, you want them to be a part of the things you love, too. It makes you feel closer to them when they are involved with the things you love. My wife could care less about working on cars, but when I fix something and tell her the story, and show her that it’s fixed, and she expresses pride and joy in my work, it feels damn good. That’s all your wife wants.
I find it interesting that you said she “knows, but doesn’t care” about all the trouble you went through to attend her match with the kids. I highly doubt that, but if true, that’s a whole different problem. I am guessing that you are just projecting your lack of empathy on her, though. I’m sure she cares about the trouble, maybe she is just not sure how to express that.
Perhaps if YOU read what you wrote you’d understand why quite a few people are reacting the way they are.
For example: “I understand people like to be supported etc etc. Yes yes. I can take a book. It’s okay.”
Your point is obviously that you’re carrying out the Woody Allen rule: 80% of success is showing up. So you get that “people like to be supported” and you “take a book.” It isn’t that I failed to read your post; I’m pointing out that showing up and reading a book (or otherwise not giving a shit about the game, other than you’re happy your wife is doing something you don’t care about) isn’t much consolation or support.
How about an analogy: if someone comes home and starts bitching about how Roger and Tammy at work are being such jerks about TPS reports, one can say that they don’t care about TPS reports, and they do care about their SO’s job; but if you don’t put down the iPad when the TPS bitching is going on, or you complain that it is a burden to listen to the details of the TPS report, you aren’t really providing support to the SO.
Does that make more sense?
It could also be that she is so accustomed to sucking it up for the team and doing things she really doesn’t want to do that she takes it for granted that the OP would do the same thing. This would explain why his presence would carry meaning to her: because it shows that he is willing to put aside his immediate wants/needs for her sake just as she feels she constantly does for the family. (Whether she actually does this or not, I don’t know. But if that is her perception, it could explain why she’s relatively unconcerned about him being inconvenienced.)
Most people seem to consider this a pretty fundamental thing to understand which is why there is a bit of aggressiveness in the responses. Frylock claims that he doesn’t care if anyone comes to watch him play his sport. While this is possible it’s unusual to say the least. Usually people who say this are lying to themselves a little bit (I know I was). There’s almost always a bit of ego and pride sitting in your head wishing someone would notice your achievements at some point. It’s probably only a superhuman that could go through life without ever needing approval or affirmation from someone outside of their own head. And for a lot of people, just having someone say “I’m sure you did great” without ever actually seeing what they did isn’t always good enough, because it seems insincere as you’re placing a value judgement on something you’ve never seen. This is especially true since sports are part entertainment - they are played in part so people can watch and be entertained, that’s why there’s so much money in the pro leagues. Half the point is to have someone show up and care about how the match turns out on game day, not the day after in the papers.
Also, team sports by design need teamwork to function. This means players urge each other on, pat each other on the back, and otherwise support each other all the time. It’s a different play style than single one-v-one matches in fencing where you personally are the sole reason you win or lose. As such a team player will get more of an emotional boost from outside affirmation than the fencer, because the game is designed around that. The team player is looking for feedback all the time from other people.
Anyway, showing up to do something together is the most basic way to show a human you care about them.
I mean, how many times have you heard of the kid that says, “sure, my dad buys me all these toys, but he’s never actually home to play with me”? Or the kid that doesn’t explicitly say that, but is obviously acting out because they don’t get dedicated time from their parents? Phoning it in isn’t good enough for most people.
People want to be paid attention to by people they care about, is the short of it.
This made me die.
You said yourself that you don’t give a shit whether she shows up to watch you fence and don’t understand why she would like it if you came to watch her … Uh … Hurl.
You wouldn’t feel any pleasure at all at the thought if your wife going through the hassle of rounding up four kids to watch you okay and bring there to share in your triumph or support you in a loss?
Of course with the new info about your having given up fencing in order to secretly pay for hurling, that adds a different color to the situation. I suspect you actually have done feelings if resentment. That would be natural, but it wouldn’t suddenly make it it fathomable why she would want you to come.
For what it’s worth, no, I really, honestly wouldn’t care. If anything, I’d prefer people not be there. The added pressure of performing would mess me up (not that I’m any good anyway…). If anybody wants to know how it’s going, I can tell them about it afterwards.
Plus if it were the whole thing where all the kids are brought too, that’d be another source of distraction and worry.
OTOH she’d probably want to come if I were in a competition type situation and so, yes, I’d “let” her. 
She is a team athlete practically from birth so this probably has a lot to do with our differing value systems here.
I would be happy that she is happy. That would be the sole source of any happiness I felt at the described situation. The hassle etc would have me, at the same time, asking (silently) “Why the eff would you go through all that for this?”
Possibly hidden even to me, but I doubt it–it was not anything nearly so important to me as this is to her. This is where she proves she excels right now. Myself, I do that at work. Fencing I’m actually really awful at. It’s just the only way I’ve managed to enjoy physical exercise.
BTW I have actually considered joining in with this hurling stuff myself as it makes a lot of objective sense in terms of family activity (two of the kids do it once a week too though they’re ambivalent about it), sharing things with my wife, getting exercise, etc.
But.
I’m terrified, absolutely, utterly terrified, of team sports. This comes from deep, unresolved childhood issues I think. I am genuinely frightened that if I mess up something for my team, no matter how friendly and understanding and adult everyone is, I will start blubbering. I know that sounds insane but, like I said–if I have issues, this is one of them.
But wtf I’m 36 and objectively speaking successful and mature and I get along with people. This is a challenge I should be able to overcome I think. I wonder if others with similar stories have had similar experiences and whether it turned out well or poorly.
On one hand, I think people around here need to stop acting like everything is a no-brainer. Not everyone is wired the same way or has had the same learning experiences. Every day I’m amazed by either my own cluelessness or someone else’s. So I believe the OP when he says he doesn’t get it.
But on the other hand, I think some people are given to unnecessary intellectualization. Often there isn’t a clear-cut “why”. Sometimes you just need to accept that something is what it is and you don’t need to understand it. People shouldn’t allow themselves to be strong-armed by rationality, especially when love is on the line.
I’m not saying Frylock is like this. But I do think some people use their “not getting it” as an excuse for poor behavior. I have been guilty of doing this myself, which is why I feel like I can say this.
So strangly, I have sympathy for both posters like the OP and posters who are tired of hearing “durr, I don’t get it.” I have the same argument going on in my head all the time.
Oh god what am I thinking, no, everyone will laugh at me.
ETA: That was supposed to be in reference to my previous post.
Monstro I get what you’re saying. Just to be clear–this OP was really supposed to be about me understanding something, not whether or how I should do something. The latter was never in question.
I know. And I’m glad that you are putting out the effort. I’m sure your wife appreciates it too.
But the next time you do go watch your wife, please try to leave the reading material at home. I’m the most introverted introvert I know, but nothing makes me long to be an extrovert more than seeing a comrade doing the special-snowflake-in-a-cocoon thing in public. Any cool points you get for showing up to a game are subtracted by each minute you spend with your nose in a book. I’m sure your wife would love to see your handsome face looking at her when she looks for you in the stands.
I am still curious about how old the kids are. For me there is a big difference between asking someone to bring along, say, two sets of toddler twins, vs. bringing along kids that may be old enough to help out with younger siblings.
As for the main question, human beings are social. We like sharing our lives with our loved ones. Would you be just as happy in your marriage if you lived in separate houses and rarely saw each other? Of course not; that sounds crazy, because we intuitively understand that being married (or even just loving someone) means sharing your lives. This sports thing is one small facet of that. It’s important to her. She wants to share it with you and the kids.
Go. Watch her. Don’t bury your face in a book the whole time. Mention to her afterwards specific things you saw her do that were noticeable or impressive. I know you don’t give a shit about watching her sport. But you give a shit about her, and this is what we do for the people we love. Particularly since she’s happy with this being only an occasional thing.
(Simul posted with monstro)
Thank you, but again, I have never taken a book to one of these events.
Why have several posters mentioned this detail if you weren’t the one who brought it up, Frylock? I’m not trying to give you a hard time, but we’re only responding to what you’ve written.
It’s in the OP. I don’t know why he would mention " I can take a book" if it’s not something he’s done or planned to do. This whole thread is weird for me, like reading something written by an alien trying to understand hyoo-man ways.
What do you mean by “this detail?” Also not trying to give you a hard time–your response will make a difference in how I understand what you’re saying.
That passage was written as part of a hypothetical situation not involving bringing kids. Moreover, it says “can,” which has no implication as to whether I have ever done so before. (I haven’t.)
It was also not meant very seriously, though I can understand that that didn’t come through. But I’ve clarified this several times now in the thread.
To answer your other question in another post: The kids are 9 and 7, and when they “help” watch the toddlers, I basically have to be watching them “help” the whole time. They get practice but it’s not actual help. Especially the older one–he’s got less common sense than I ever did, and I never had any.