I asked a good friend of mine to see a movie with me on Saturday. She said yes. It is something we both want to see, but she knows it might be hard for me to see, since it is a love story where someone dies and my husband died a few months ago.
Today, she said that she might not be able to go, as her 14-year-old son might have a baseball game and (obviously to her, not so much to me) she MUST attend it. The game may or may not happen, btw, for reasons I was too pissed to follow. Now, to be fair, they are sports nuts in her family and this is her son’s first game at this new school. She also has to miss the next game, as she will be in China on vacation.
So, parents, I ask you: Would you have dumped a friend for your son’s game? Do I not understand how important these things are? In my mind, if it were a funeral, or someone was sick, or something of that importance, I wouldn’t mind. A school baseball game, though…I dunno.
As a parent and a sports nut, yes on either count, I’m afraid… The movie will still be there, but the game is a one-day, real-time thing. Real time trumps saved time, every time, doesn’t it? It’s nothing personal.
If the game doesn’t happen, you can still see the movie, right? And if it does, why couldn’t you see the movie the next day, or before/after the game (baseball games last what, 3-4 hours, and the movie must surely have multiple showings all through the day and night)?
I doubt she would see it another time on the weekend, but I can ask. I suggested Monday, when I am off, but she can’t. Tuesday I work. Wednesday she leaves for China for two weeks. By the time she gets back, the movie won’t be showing.
Non-parent and non-sports nut here. Think of it this way, how is her son going to feel knowing that mom missed his first game to go see a movie with her friend. I doubt the son would realize the importance of the movie to you and may not even be aware of your loss.
I do think your friend should have offered up an alternative time to see the movie.
I think she should have apologized profusely to you for agreeing to see a movie on a day where her son might have a game. The game has priority for a parent. Absolutely.
Only a funeral or illness (as you mention) should keep her away from her son’s first game at his new school.
Seems to me the choice is between a movie and a baseball game, both of which are of presumably high emotional importance to another person. The difference is this: the movie you can see any time you want.
…do you mean you said this to her exactly, as in “I’d really like to have your company because, as you know… etc.”? Or is it just that she knows the plot of the movie and should therefore know it would be hard for you? I don’t mean to be snarky at all, but I’ve seen so many situations where it should have been obvious to someone that something they did or didn’t do or say would be upsetting, and yet, they were totally oblivious. I’ve even done it myself. So, if you didn’t explicitly say why this was important to you, she might not realize.
But regardless, I have to say, I’d go to the game. I wouldn’t blow you off entirely, but I might suggest we schedule the movie for earlier or later in the day, or see it on Sunday instead, because she can’t reschedule the game, and since it’s the first one at the new school and she’ll miss the next one for sure, I can see it being kind of a big deal.
I’m a dad, but not much of a sports nut. Last season my son was in T-ball and I attended every game; nothing short of a family medical emergency would’ve stopped me. Participating in and observing my son’s childhood trumps almost all other priorities.
I’m not a parent, but if a friend did this to me, I would be understanding. Things like attending baseball games are important, especially when it’s the first game like this one and when she can’t, as you say, go to the next game. Although I don’t have a family, I do understand that the family should almost always take priority. That makes for some lonely times for me–but I understand it.
Parent here, and I agree that while you are understandibly very disapointed that she double-booked with you for a time when she needs to be with her son, his first game at a new school trumps a movie - even a movie with a friend who has had a very hard time of it lately.
In this case it isn’t about her needs trumping yours…heck she might hate going to games. But the kid needs his mom to be there, and cheer for him, and so he understands that the things important to him are important to her.
And, as others have pointed out, the game is a one-off and if she misses it she’ll never get that back. A movie comes to DVD eventually, even if you can’t catch it in the theater anymore.
Maybe I’ve misunderstood, but is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor by not going to see it with you? You did say it would be hard for you to see.
Thanks, especially for the parental responses. I clearly don’t get the importance of attending every single game to a parent. I appreciate the different point of view.
Just wanted to add: I’m not an idiot. I know that. I just sometimes feel like every hangnail he has is more important than any heartbreak I have. Thanks for your compassion, though.
IvoryTowerDenizen, it is every single game. The kid probably had 100 games this summer alone. She was at every one. Sometimes three at day.
These things that are little things to you, as her child, are momentous to her. I travel a lot for work, and it just kills me when I miss one of my kid’s game. Maybe my son hits his first home run or something and I’m not there. How do I explain to him that I was at a movie? To you or me, it might make sense, but to him it’s traumatizing.
Maybe you have another friend you could go see this film with or maybe you just pass on it for now.
I will pass on the movie. I will have to, as it isn’t something I can see with someone else–too emotional for anyone but this particular friend. It was also all I had planned for the weekend. Weekends are still very long for me. I am trying as hard as I can to do things with people but it is hard for me to always be the one to ask. No one understands how much I am still suffering from losing my husband. Things like this really drive home how I went from being very loved to not being very important in anyone’s life.