Speaking as someone who never, ever, wants to have any children, I find this incredibly horrible and intrusive. You want to be at my birth? I mean, people poop themselves at birth! And other gross things come out. (Ok, I realize I am a child about all of this.
) So some people like WhyNot like it…I can kind of understand, but you wanna be at my birth AFTER I SAID NO???
EEK!
Stick to your guns, Mouse!
Absolutely EEK! and absolutely stick to your guns, Mouse! I wasn’t at all trying to defend these horribly rude people, just to answer the oft-repeated question of why anyone would want to be there, anyway. 
Really, Mouse, if you don’t call them…they won’t know you’re in labor! Simple!
I’m pretty sure that was the policy at the hospital I went to also. When my son was born I had only my Mom, the nurse and the doctor (would’ve got a doula except I didn’t know there was a group for underprivileged moms until a couple weeks before birth… and I didn’t get a call back until after I had given birth because it was at Christmas time).
I couldn’t imagine having family there otherwise. They came later that day for a short visit (he was born at 2am, so they couldn’t come until much later :p) and most of the others visited in the coming weeks.
Have you thought of becoming a doula? (Might as well earn a buck or two while getting your junkie fix.)
Mouse, all three times when I gave birth, I completely understood why cats crawl under porches to give birth–I didn’t want ANYONE there. First, it’s a very vunerable position to be in, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Second, there are very few people I feel comfortable with to expose my body, and there’s no way I wanted them there when I was pushing out a kid. Also, at the time, it was a very important moment to share with my partner. The rest could look at the pictures (taken after birth, not during).
Keep in mind–this is YOUR event. Do it as you want.
Do you ever seen those Baby Story shows on the Earth Mother channel or whatever it is? With the FATHER IN LAW present? I mean, really! I told my husband that I only wanted him to look at my face during the birth, not my weirdly contorted Lower Lady Area. I certainly wouldn’t have his FATHER. Thank goodness I had a c-section.
My father on the other hand - I love to mess with him about intimate matters. Come to think of it, those matters usually concern my sisters, not me.
So, M_M in conclusion, stick to your guns and allow nobody to come.
I have, actually. A few years back I started gathering the books and logging my births to meet the requirements. Then I scheduled the required childbirth-class-taken-while-not-pregnant…and then we decided to get pregnant! 
Oh, well. Right now I don’t have the kind of freedom to take off at any hour to go help with a delivery for pay. My friends is another story - they know I’ll get there as soon as I can find a babysitter, but it might be a couple of hours. A paying client should reasonably expect me to be there within the hour, I’d think.
Maybe someday. Right now my plan is nursing school, if I can get over myself and just do it.
No kidding. Ten times more than your wedding day, THIS is the most important day of your life, and it’s all about YOU. Be the Queen Mouse!
I totally agree with Solfy about this. People, even well-intentioned, are going to stick their noses in about this baby and this is just the beginning. Take charge now and set a precedent that you are the parents here and you are making the decisions about what is best for your family. For some reason people feel the need to tell you every opinion they have about anything baby related, so learn how to deal with it early.
Come to an agreement with your husband and inform everyone else of your decision. After that, if people show up anyway at the birth, inform your husband it is then his duty to get. rid. of. them. If you have to involve hospital security, do it. I am sure they are used to dealing with crazy family situations at births. We had to think about how we would handle a visit from my husband’s estranged father at my son’s birth; it is good to have a plan ahead of time so you don’t get pressured under the stress of labor.
Simple answer that will shut them up
Hey if you weren’t here for the conception, you aren’t welcome at the delivery.
Again, as has been said, talk to your OB, and when you go to the hospital the OB nurse. Nobody screws with either one.
Lastly, if you go into labor any time they are not present, if you don’t tell them you are in the hospital, how are they going to find out? 
Woo! I inspired something!
Actually, I wanted to comment some more. I think it’s a family thing. Some families think that being in the room is perfectly normal (ie. my wife’s family) and some are completely squicked out by it (ie. my family). My parents came up to the hospital, knocked on the door, opened it, looked in, asked for me, and shut the door. End of story. They walked down to the cafe with me to get some lunch, then they went about their business.
When they came back, my dad knocked on the door, asked about how she was doing and if I wanted some coffee, and took me to get coffee. We came back in, he went out in the lobby, and then we had a baby!
Hopefully, Mouse, it will go that smooth with all families involved in yours. If you are getting an epidural, know that most hospitals only allow one other person in for that time, so it’s a good chance to tell the staff that you would prefer less people if needed.
(also, our “billed to insurance” paper came today for my wife. 10k. That includes none of Dylan’s stuff, other than delivery. I’m dreading to see what they billed for his 8 day stay in ICU)
Brendon Small
I third for **Solfy’s ** point. This is just a preview of coming battles. Stick to your guns (not that you wouldn’t) and regard it is practice for all those times when you are forced to tell someone, politely and firmly, to fuck off, your baby is not dressed too warmly/too cold(ly?)/eating too much/not eating enough/not eating the right stuff/not behaving the way they think a three-year-old ought to behave/etc./etc./etc.
I turned down going to a birth. I said why in the Hell would they want all the relatives around for that. I waited for the kid to leave the hospital.
The nerve of some people! My hospital has a two people only policy, but I just had my husband. Of course, I went into a very fast and unexpected labor two months early, and it was just quick moving on my dad’s part that my parents were even there in time, but they only stayed for a few minutes while everyone was getting ready. I considered asking my sister to stay in the room, because she just happened to be in town visiting for my baby shower (that I missed!). But I hadn’t discussed it with my husband first and she’s young and all, so I didn’t ask her.
Funny story though – my mom apparently called the preacher’s wife when I went into labor. She promptly called her daughter who is about my age and has a baby 2 months older than mine. She called the hospital, not realizing exactly the time line of what all was happening. The hospital put her through to me delivery room, and in my drug induced haze I was all excited that someone called me and really wanted to talk and tell her everything that was going on. DH couldn’t believe that 1) she called that soon anyway and 2) I felt like a chat! Then she started calling everyone else to let them know, and another friend who got the message third or fourth hand called to see how I was and I had literally JUST had the baby. They were cleaning me up while I was chatting away. Man you do weird things in the deliver room. 
I think it would be incredibly difficult to get a restraining order while in active labor, especially if you need it finished before it’s time to push. If you see things headed that way (and really, I wonder if we all don’t) maybe you should be getting a restraining order now before you are in labor.
Otherwise you might as well just go ahead and fire up a thread-in-waiting about how your mother was nutsy-cuckoo and had to be kicked out of the hospital and ruined the birth of your baby.
One thing I regretted was not hiring a birth doula. If we had one, that would definitely have been our second caregiver.
We hired a nighttime doula for a couple of weeks after the birth, and she was a big help - well worth the expense.
A restraining order, maybe. But Nurse Rachet will be more than happy to escort Mama Mouse from the room, especially if she’s making a scene, and Robert and Clyde the security guys will take her the rest of the way to the front door. Nobody cares what the grandmother wants - it’s the laboring mother who gets to order people around.
(This is part of that patient advocate stuff. What you want, barring medical emergency, goes. You DON’T have to lay in bed and you DON’T have to wear that monitor and you DON’T have to have the IV in from the moment you arrive and anyone who tries to force you otherwise can be charged with assault. (Although I think placing the IV line early is a good idea, as long as they’re amenable to putting it on a wheelie pole.) )
Lo-fucking-ordy. The gall! I’d offer them an 8x10 of my vagina, instead (unsigned).
You and Solfy are right. Parenthood is very strange. I’ve discovered that nothing I do will be “right” - someone will always object. Even pregnant, complete strangers have commented on what I was eating or doing. (Never go into a liquor store pregnant. I bought Mouse_Spouse his favorite beer as a surprise. There were a lot of hard looks and a couple of comments. I’m lucky no one called the cops!)
My worst nightmare is that my mother is show up and cause a ruckus. I’ve had a respite from her behavior since June, but now she’s starting to push my boundries. Yesterday she emailed me, asking if she could come over once a week to see if I’m ok. There is progress - she asked - but I need to keep her at arm’s length. First, I’m pissed that she had very little to do with me as a child but is going nuts over this baby. (I bought some clothes. Have you gotten anything for the baby yet?) Second, she seems to forget that I have a loving partner - Mother never really mentions him when we talk - and that is rude as hell.
Our plan is to not tell anyone when we go to the hospital. Once the Mouseling is born, and we’ve had a chance to catch our breath, then we’ll call everybody.
OK, I’ll ask…what’s a doula?
If the kid is healthy, no matter what else happened, the birth will not be ruined.
I’m gearing up for what I hope will be an adult conversation about what Spouse and I plan on doing for the birth and what we expect from Mother. (Hope springs eternal.) Experience tells me that this will dissolve into accusations and venom. If so, off to the court house!
Don’t you have to have an actual reason to be able to get a restraining order? Something like “She’s threatened my with bodily harm if I don’t let her see her grandchild”. I can’t just go down to the courthouse and get a restraining order against Jane Doe three doors down because I don’t like the car she drives, right?
I know your mother’s unbalanced. But don’t you have to prove it, and prove you’re in some sort of danger, to get legal action?
StG