You know those hand sanitizer lotions? Like Purell™? Did you know they are just chock full of alcohol? Not the kind you drink, but the kind that burns. Not so much “Ow! That irritates my sensitive skin!” kinda burn as an actual conflagration.
And it’s this thick sorta gel. Really quite like Sterno™. Not that you’d used “canned heat” to kill germs on your hands. Sterno™ and Purell™, while both an alcohol based gel that burns readily are not, strictly speaking, interchangeable. Since it, Purell™, (or more likely the Target brand knock-off in my house) is a gel, you could, for instance, leave a trail of the stuff and then, possibly, light one end on fire. It takes a second or two for the gel to catch fire so the flame creeps along. Not fwoosh! like black powder (so I’ve heard), just sorta ambles along. (Tra la la! I’m burning now!)
And once the hand sanitizer catches fire, it burns for a little while.
Something else that’s cool (that would be “boy cool”, maybe not “girl cool”) would be if your brother got you a fire starter for Christmas. The kind with a bar of magnesium on one side that you scrape off flakes and then you turn it over and strike a spark off the flint on the other side. Then you could have a little pile of magnesium shavings by a glob of the hand sanitizer which snakes around in a drawing, say of Kokopelli the Hopi god of easily identifiable Native American imagery, and then you sparked up some fire. The magnesium goes poof and catches the hand sanitizer and the blue flames trail along the drawing and then it’s all on fire.
I think. This is just like one of those Thought Experiments Einstein used to pull all the time. Thinking about stuff without really doing it. Like only thinking about building a rocket and shooting a baby twin into space near the speed of light. You don’t think I’d just burn stuff for fun, do you? In my garage? No. No, of course not.
-Rue.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm… anybody wanna guess what Rue did this weekend? Why am I suddenly possessed by an urge to see if my Wal*Mart knock off brand of hand sanitizer will burn? ugh! Fire! Fire burn good! ugh!
What? I am a boy who likes boys but I’m also a boy who likes boy stuff. Like fire. Ugh!
I got a recall notice about my brand new stainless steel with copper burners gas grill. Seems that the temperature gauge on certain models has a tendency to blow up. I have one of those models. I don’t like have to send the whole grill back though. I called up the Char*Broil[sup]TM[/sup] folks and they’re sending me a new gauge to put on my grill. I can do that. Put the new gauge on. Just gotta unscrew the old one (which I already did cause I don’t want it to blow up in my face) and put the new one on (which I will do in 7 to 10 working days when I get my new gauge). BTW I already used the grill before I knew about the gauge. It didn’t blow up. I’m glad it didn’t blow up in my face, but can’t help but think wouldn’t it have been cool if I wasn’t standing in front of it and it went fwosh and blew out into the yard.
You don’t have to move the cars if you keep the flaming hand sanitizer on your workbench… I mean if you’re just thinking about firing up the ol’ Target knock-off Purell™ in a contained fashion on your workbench. With a mental fire extinguisher close at hand. The car was never in any danger. As far as anyone knows.
And that would have been way cool, watching the temp gauge fly across the yard. As long as no one got hurt. That’s the important thing, that no one gets hurt. Almost… I mean even more important as having a giant jet of flame shoot out of the hole left by the exploding gauge. Especially if it turns into a fireball over the pool.
Sheets are all dry Snickers! Your mom must have be a big liar. I can’t think of any other reason why shed say something that is obviously patently untrue. There’s always tonight though.
Hey wait! Katcha washed out his sheets the other day. Maybe the sins of the father really do get visited on the son.
So, what you’re saying welby, is that in addition to fake boogers, rubber cement burns? Huh. Who’da thunk it? (Just a tip, do NOT go burning the cement thinner. Bestine™, while very useful, should not be burned. Not even under Controlled Circumstances. That’s just a Bad Idea. From what I’ve heard.
-Rue. (in full possession of eyebrows)
Yeppers. It’s fun to encircle ants in a ring of burning rubber cement. Then if they don’t die, cover them in it and either let it dry or light it on fire. Hypothetically, of course. However, if you burn it, you might not want to do it on something you care about, because it does leave some weird (hypothetical) residue.
Well then, young lady, maybe next time you’ll remember* to take hand sanitizer and a flame thrower to the concert with you . Jeez does no one know how to properly accessorize for a concert anymore?
Ha lieu! Shows what you know. We don’t even have a Homeowner’s Association! And it’s not like I’m running around the streets on my quadrunner being a nuisance. No, not me. I’m quietly puttering away in my garage. Building Gorgo, my Giant Robot Enforcer that’s just gonna eat those punk-assed kids and their little four-wheelers. No more wheeeeeeeng-ning-ning-ning! on my street, no sirre Bob.
Of course I have to find a 55 gallon drum of hand sanitizer. Maybe rig up a catapult…
I set the living room rug on fire once. Haven’t a clue why I felt it was necessary, I just did it. Dad was really cool and helped me fix the crispy spot so Mom wouldn’t freak too much. It was ugly carpeting anyway, sculptured dark avocado green, and deserved burning. Oh yes it did.
My father was probably used to people setting things on fire. He once had a student set himself on fire. The kid hunched himself way down in his seat and was playing with a lighter and some Binaca. Since it was the eighties and this student had the requisite poofy, over-gelled bangs, it was only a matter of time before he set his head on fire. My dad said it was quite a sight-- singed eyebrows, pink forehead and sizzling stumps where his bangs used to be. So wear a helmet of something the next time you decide to make a home made flame thrower.
And since it’s getting to that time of year, a word to the wise-- Peeps are suprisingly flammable.
Oh yes. Peeps are basically marshmellows, and marshmellow are very flammable. Haven’t you ever roasted marshmellows on a stick? And if you did, did you ever do it on the beach at night? And if there was another bunch of kids on the other side of a sand dune from you also roasting marshmellows and if your sticks were whippy enough, did you ever fling your flaming marshmellows over the dune at the other kids like a meteor? Not that we ever did that when we were kids. I was just saying. Did you know that a flaming marshmellow will stick to anything it lands on and burn painfully? Or so I’ve been told.
Someday remind me to tell you about the time the GirlChild set fire to the front lawn.
You probably would have stuck a fork in a roll of caps - you know - like from old-time cap guns - and held the forkful of caps over the lit burner of the gas stove just to see what it did, right? Of course not! No one is that stupid!!!
We always refered to our parents as “the peeps”. I’ve yet to set them on fire although, come to think of it, they are finally getting a lot slower as they age.
