It's not anyone's business, but since you COULD change, you deserve to be harrassed.

The BBQ Pit
#21

Because they’re not “people” Yosemite, they’re children with IQs not any larger than they’re shoe sizes.

A true adult doesn’t behave in this way. And to whomever said “I don’t believe in ‘fighting back’ because I abhor violence”…Fighting back doesn’t have to mean physically.

There are many things a person can do that may help. If you’re still in school, the pen is mightier than the sword. A well worded “shaming” article in the school newspaper. Letting people know that geeks and overweight people are just people too. I remember seeing a tv show on MTV where a beautiful, slim young cheerleader spent a day or two dressed up as an overweight girl and spent time with a student at another school (I think) that was overweight. At first the two veiwed each other as if each, the other, were from some other planet.

I think a lot of it is that, just ignorance. They don’t understand the other person’s “affliction” so to speak, and they’re too stupid to try to on their own, so instead, their immaturity, coupled with their low IQ’s and inability to see beyond the ends of their noses gangs up with others who are likeminded. Then, you have moron mob mentality.

That’s when the slushie throwing “slush bys” happen. And, I don’t know if it will make you feel any better, but the same one’s who moo at the overweight girls are the ones who howl and make perverted suggestions to any other female they consider reasonably “doable”.

As to the poor geeky boys, well thank goodness for Bill Gates, isn’t the tendency to look down upon them in HS much less prevalent these days? If not, well, I refer you back to the “moron mob mentality”.

You have to remember, however “grown up” their outsides, these aren’t adults, they’re slobbering, knuckledragging moronic children inside.

Develop the ability to icily cut them off with a look, or a well timed subtle insult, one they’ll have to think about and won’t get until you’re long gone. And yes, there are books for that. Great putdowns I think is the name of one.

I personally borrow some from the great brains here. (not that I ever get to use them damnit, most people in my world don’t stoop so low as to deserve it, though I’d STILL be grateful for a blue language filled rant to paste on the doors of the lazy bums who won’t clean up after their pets, but that’s another rant :D).

Hugs Yosemite

#22

A lot of times, yes, but if it were only that, it wouldn’t be so problematic. Adults, adults living responsible lives, also do this. They don’t necessarily throw stuff when they get older, but they are condescending, or disdainful, or mean, or rude, and their rationale is because the person won’t “change.” I’ve even seen this attitude displayed on these boards more than a few times, and the sentiment wasn’t typed by a child.

Just so it’s clear, it isn’t like I’ve had to suffer any really crappy treatment lately. It’s just that I’ve heard it over and over and over again through the years, and it has never ceased to piss me off. The reasoning, “Well, they’re trying to do you a favor by inspiring you to change!” and “Well, what do they expect? They won’t change, so they’re asking for it!” is repeated often. Sure, some weak lip service is given as well, “Oh, no, I’m not saying it’s nice to treat someone like crap.” But when all is said and done, there isn’t a whole lot of outrage directed at the assholes–not a whole lot of pressure put on them–because after all, you can change! So why don’t you? Huh? Huh? It’s all about putting the spotlight on the victim, and asking them why they don’t change. (And once again, I’m not saying that they shouldn’t change if it’s something they want to do anyway, or if the torment is really that intense, but why is the pressure to change so seemingly lopsided?)

That’s certainly a fight worth having, and it should be done. All the time. Because a few gestures here and there don’t seem to have any lasting effect.

But then again, adults are writing “shaming” articles of their own. I’ll have to look for a cite later, but recently a newspaper columnist wrote an article where he said that he thought that “shaming” overweight people buying plane tickets by weighing them in public (and charging them extra for their additional weight) would inspire them to change. It’s not just half-baked youths who are doing this. It’s adults. Adults who are assholes.

Exactly!

Why, yes. Yes they are.

I think we need to make up a t-shirt that says this.

#23

bolding mine.
Okay, well I guess the answer is that they’re not all children in adults clothing, some of them are MORONS in intelligent people clothing.

Well, the thing that always drives me bananas is that their reasoning is the HEIGHT of illogic. Especially if the person has even the TEENSIEST understanding of human nature and psychology. Oh yes, insulting someone to effect a change has proven to be EVER so effective.

And when you’re talking weight issues. Something these idiots NEVER understand is that the emotional backdrop MUST be dealt with, or all of their so called “simple” solutions won’t take.

I have no idea about the geeky situation, since I wasn’t geeky. And my former bf did deal with it, and is still dealing with it, but I never could figure out how to help him…

So on the geek issue, I’m a dolt at fixing it.

#24

You left out spitting on her from a moving car.

#25

Or swerving your car right into the ditch and splashing her from head to toe with muddy water.

And I wasn’t even fat, just very, very unpopular in school.

#26

I don’t know what motivates those people. I get things thrown at me and honks even in summer when I’m down to a 34 waist and looking good.

[/quote]

So far, no actual feces, but Coke cans and the like. They would have to it from a car because if they were on foot I could easily catch up to them and beat the living hell out of them.

#27

Well, see, it’s officially official.

People. Are. Assholes.

#28

I think that because it’s been done for so long in so many different areas of human endeavor (sports, the military, asshole-oriented workplaces etc.), many people really DO believe it is effective. Especially if they had it done to them: reasoning being, if I sucked it up, so should everyone.

#29

\

Or, “I didn’t have the strength to remain true to who I am, so no one else should either.”

Or, "I changed/lost weight/cut my hair to please other people even if I didn’t want to change, so everyone else should too. "

Or, “I didn’t have the courage to tell those assholes off or get them to back off, so no one else should.”

Eh, maybe I’m just not being fair, but I still think it’s just sad to change just to get “tormenting to stop”, because it could be for nothing.

It reminds of an MTV show called “Made”. A girl was constantly picked and she wanted to better herself, but it was for the wrong reasons. She wanted to change so bullies wouldn’t pick on her anymore, but it didn’t work. Many of the other students warned her of that and told her that the bullies didn’t care how much she changed or didn’t change. They were still going to “pick on her”. Sure enough, they still did.

All I remember at the end was that she stayed with kickboxing, which was a good thing, but she opted not to change much, unless SHE wanted to do so, IIRC.

#30

Thus reinforcing the idea that if you are being picked on, the best thing you can do is: nothing.

Excellent preparation for grown-up life. No, really.

#31

Or as I prefer to think of them now, bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.

[sup](I was barked at but at least no one threw garbage.)[/sup]

#32

Hey! That’s a good one! That would make a good t-shirt as well!

#33

Hiiiiiisssss, Ffffftttt, ffffttt Meeeooorrr :mad:

Well this was on someone else’s behalf, but inspired in part by this thread, and in part because I was slightly crabby due to some very inconvenient news regarding a late check, I DID stand up to the assholes. Well at least one of them.

Scene, me at a bus stop with another young man, a slightly heavy young man, but nice. The bus comes and we get on it. I have a pass, so I’m quickly on the bus and seated while the young man is paying his fare.

As he comes down the aisle, his backpack accidentally brushes another young man across the aisle from me who snarls “watcher fkn (yeah, pronounced just like that) backpack”. Which, had it ended there, wouldn’t have been a big deal.

But NOooo, this little snot has to escalate things, he doesn’t leave it there, he starts loudly complaining about “lose some fkn chub asshole…fkn people fkn blah, blah fat pig, fkn”… and so on.

Oh, did I forget to mention that this little snot was sprawled haflway into the aisle, and that Kate Moss’s backpack would’ve likely sideswiped him.

It was kind of funny really, and older gentleman sitting behind me, and I, almost at the same time turned to the little snot and said “SHUT UP!, quit swearing at him, it was an accident”!!!

But NOOO, he starts in threatening the old man!! At this point, I’m livid you do NOT act this way in public. Now, I don’t know about others’ city transportation, but swearing at and threatening other passengers gets you kicked off of the bus.

The bus driver is ignoring all of this, until I go up and tell her “you need to get this brat off the bus, he’s continuing to swear and name call another passenger”.

What does this paragon of virtue do? “I’ll kick you all off”. We glare at her and in no uncertain terms tell her what happened. She tells the kid to shut up and goes back up front to continue on (oh yeah, and one memorable drunken native whining “can’t we just get on the line”? :D).

The kid settles into muttering about finding all the people on the bus and blowing up their houses.

At the next bus stop the bus driver stops to change drivers and I go up to the new driver and tell him “look this is what happened, your fellow driver refused to address it, and how this little delinquent is sitting there with a running descrption of murder of the bus riders”. He got rid of the kid immediately.

The funniest part? The kid gave us a one fingered salute with both hands to which the old man said “Oh look he’s showing us his IQ”.

The whole bus cracked up. But, why wasn’t the “whole bus” coming to the defense of the fat kid? That’s what I’D like to know. Way too many people really do suck.

#34

Those assholes will shut up if you put a few rounds in the back of their car.

What, you think I’m joking? Personally, I’ve put up with their shit long enough. I’m tired of being Mr Tolerant and Understanding with my “I’ll head them off by telling a fat joke first” attitude. I am getting to the point where if they want to play hardball I’ll play harder ball.

#35

Dude, ease up. There is a middle ground between self-effacing and balls-out militant.

#36

Or, at the very least, lobotomize and sterilize them? I don’t know, I’ve long thought that lessons about decency to one’s fellow man should be mandatory throughout school. And at least a year in a service industry job should also be mandatory.

I mean, really!!! Not to be cliche or anything, but we really DO learn what we need to know, at least where interracting with our fellow humans is concerned, in kindergarten.

There are a lot of people out there that need to be boiled in a clue vat.

#37

There are also lovely rocks that some dolts throw at you. Too bad their aim is so good, but I suppose being such a large target means I deserved it.

The only people who should have to change are people who do those things.

#38

I think this was all covered in Revenge of the Nerds.

#39

I gotta say I’m stunned by these anecdotes…
I don’t think I hang with a crowd that is particularly grown-up or civilized, but I can’t imagine any of these behaviors being tolerated for one second past high school.

Which brings me to the real reason I post, which is to say this: The vast majority of kids are socialized just as the vast majority of us were – warehoused in public institutions of ‘socialization’ from age 6-18 where hundreds (thousands) of children spend the bulk of their waking hours essentially building their own society with inadequate adult supervision. (I’m not saying teachers and administrators are sloppy or uncaring, just that it’s unreasonable to expect one adult to provide adequate social structure for 28 2nd graders.) We learned how to treat others by watching other 8 year-olds instead of from modelling mature adults in our society, and until recently, bullying and exclusion were considered the childrens’ issue and a normal rite of childhood. It’s a wonder any of us swim to the surface after graduation.

CanvasShoes your bus story is a perfect illustration of this. One kid, who has evidently been able to get along with this behavior out in the real world, was confronted by a handful of true grown-ups on a bus full of adults who still think they are living in a school culture. Had the core of the population of riders not spent their formative years in an institution, there would have been a riot of moral outrage against the little prick and I’d wager that he would be the one considering a lifestyle change. Instead, the masses choose not to get involved lest they become the target of bullying or get into some embarrassing social situation.
Your bus driver–the all-too familiar authority figure–threatens to keep the entire class in for recess if you all can’t keep it down and play nice.

Bah,
There has to be a better way to prepare our kids for the adult society they will ultimately shape.

#40

I think it would at that. But I should mention I borrowed it from “Scrubs”.