I hope the title of that OP makes my meaning clear.
What is this logic? Let’s say someone has a habit, or a characteristic, or a tendency, and it’s nobody’s business and it isn’t impacting on anyone else’s life. Like, they’re not adhering to the accepted standards of attractiveness (too fat, funny hair cut, funny clothes, etc.), behave like a geek, have geeky hobbies, or whatever. Does that mean that they deserve to be mercilessly harrassed until they buckle under and fit in? Does that mean that the person who harrasses them or makes snide, judgmental comments about them is justified? Because they could change—they could be less geeky, they could lose weight, they could dress better—so that makes whatever shit someone slings at them acceptable?
I understand that being in some way unattractive (in hair, clothes, weight, etc.) is probably going to get a reaction. And that behaving like a geek is likewise going to get a reaction. But I simply don’t believe that the only reasonable answer is to feel forced to conform, while the assholes who are going out of their way to pester someone (who is doing nothing harmful to anyone) get off scott free. This has never made sense to me.
For instance, a young man in school might be nerdy and geeky, and therefore gets picked on and beaten up in school. Or a woman who is overweight might be yelled and mooed at from passing cars.
Now, it’s true that if both these people wanted to stop the beatings and the yelled insults from cars, they could change their appearance and behavior. Certainly, life would be simpler for them if they did that, and therefore, it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
However, since when is the obligation to change put on the person who is minding their own business, i.e., the victim? Why should they be expected to do anything? They aren’t hurting anyone. The people who are going out of their way to behave like assholes are the ones who are hurting someone. Why shouldn’t they be the ones to change? Why are the picked-upon and the insulted told that, “Well, if you don’t like it, you should change,” as if the answer is so simple, and if they don’t do that, they obviously are “asking for it,” or, “Well, since they won’t change, clearly it’s their own fault, whatever happens.” And—this is my favorite—the asshole who is doing the harrassing will explain, “Well, since they won’t change I guess they like it” or (another favorite of mine, this one really gets me), “I’m doing them a favor by harrassing them. It will inspire them to change and better themselves.” Oh yeah. That’s a good one. Behaving like a raging asshole is the height of human compassion.
And another thing, and perhaps the whole crux of my rant: when you are being harrassed and treated like shit, you see these people for the assholes that they are. Assholes. Even if you change and become “acceptable,” and therefore the assholes are nice to you, it doesn’t change the fact that they are assholes—people that you want nothing to do with, people that you want to avoid. So, the incentive, “Well, change who you are and they’ll like you” isn’t perhaps the great incentive that some people might think it is. Change yourself so that the people that you have come to despise like you? What for? (Of course, the incentive to change so they’ll stop bugging you is still there.)
Sorry. 