It's not just dark...

Cafe Society
1

So, I had an experience that is probably unique to me due to imperfect memory, vague information, and a dark sense of humor.

You see, I had some vague idea that one of Hitchcock’s favorite actresses died in a car crash on the same road her character drove on in one of his movies, and was under the impression this happened shortly after the movie came out. It turns out that’s a myth, I had the wrong actress, and the death occurred several decades later than I thought.

But I didn’t know that when I saw the commercial for Dove Dark Chocolate starring Audrey Hepburn, where she’s in a car on what looks to be a winding road on the Riviera. In the commercial, she takes the driver’s cap from a bus driver and puts it on the driver of her car - a delightfully cheeky move.

And one which I figured the creators of the commercial meant to imply that she just unwittingly sacrificed a busload of people to a fiery death because now her driver would be protected from the sun’s fatal glare rather than the bus driver.

That would have been really dark, yes?

So I thought us 'Dopers should come up with some more ideas for this very dark chocolate campaign. Like, maybe, Princess Di and Dodi deciding at the last minute to take the scenic route and pick up some chocolate?

2

I suspect Grace Kelly in To Catch A Thief may be who you’re thinking of. She did have a stroke while driving and it may have been on that curvy road in the movie.

Check http://www.franksreelreviews.com/gracekelly/death-of-a-princess-the-story-of-grace-kelly-s-fatal-car-crash and the part starting at

3

All right, so this thread was a bust. Too bad. I recognize my weaknesses in creating things that attract the interest of fellow 'Dopers, but I lack the experience in my writing to correct those weaknesses.

Zeldar, I appreciate your information (at some remove, however), but I had already figured out where I had gone wrong and learned for myself all of the information you posted (and more - Kelly did not die on the road depicted in the movie, that was the myth).

Anyway, I had a really dark, funny idea that I wanted to share in case this thread got any traction (as in, one or two more posts). Fuck it:

A dove dark chocalate commercial along the lines I was hoping other 'Dopers would generate…

A crane shot pans across a crowd of people lining the streets. The sepia tones and clothing of the cheering crowd indicates that we are watching an event from the early '60’s. Soon, we see that it’s a Presidential motorcade, one with which we are all quite familiar.

The camera swoops in until we are now located over the right shoulder of the youthful President. He turns to his lovely wife and asks, “Sweet-haht, d’you think I might have another of those delicious chocolates?”

His wife smiles benevolently as she reaches into her handbag. But then suddenly, “Oops!” she cries as the confection falls from her grasp to the floor of the convertible.

“Oh, that’s all raght, Deah. Ah’ll get thaht.” Kennedy bends down to retrieve the chocolate as the commercial goes to black.

Dove. Chocolate. Dark.

4

So you’re interjecting the Dark Chocolate to make changes in history? I think a more interesting scenario would be if the events of history happened because of the dark chocolate.

For example:

A techie-looking guy in a lab coat enters a room where some other techie-looking guys are working at large consoles with many buttons / flashing lights /etc. He gives them a mischievous grin and says, “I got it. You’re not going to believe the purity.” A guy turns to see what he’s talking about and his face lights up when he sees it’s… Dove Dark Chocolate. He slowly licks his lips, takes one, unwraps it, and puts it in his mouth. His reaction is orgasmic and he arches his neck back and puts his hands out for support grabbing onto the nearest panel, where he bumps a switch.

An alarm goes off, red light flashing, people start running like crazy in panic. The camera pans over to the flashing red light on the wall and next to it is a sign: CHERNOBYL NUCLEAR FACILITY.

Dove. Chocolate. Dark.

5

Oh, shit, Sterling Archer, I missed your response.

That was fucking brilliant, thank you.

If I were a better 'Doper, I’d have made this thread more interesting somehow. Because that’s just the type of scenario I’d hope the 'Dope could come up with, and I think that a bunch of those would be really fucking entertaining and, you know, all intellectual and stuff.

“Sir, I think you really need to take a look at this…” as some techie flunky shows a superior techy an O-ring.

“Mhmm, MHM!” says the superior tech, munching on a Dove Dark Chocalate.