All right, so this thread was a bust. Too bad. I recognize my weaknesses in creating things that attract the interest of fellow 'Dopers, but I lack the experience in my writing to correct those weaknesses.
Zeldar, I appreciate your information (at some remove, however), but I had already figured out where I had gone wrong and learned for myself all of the information you posted (and more - Kelly did not die on the road depicted in the movie, that was the myth).
Anyway, I had a really dark, funny idea that I wanted to share in case this thread got any traction (as in, one or two more posts). Fuck it:
A dove dark chocalate commercial along the lines I was hoping other 'Dopers would generate…
A crane shot pans across a crowd of people lining the streets. The sepia tones and clothing of the cheering crowd indicates that we are watching an event from the early '60’s. Soon, we see that it’s a Presidential motorcade, one with which we are all quite familiar.
The camera swoops in until we are now located over the right shoulder of the youthful President. He turns to his lovely wife and asks, “Sweet-haht, d’you think I might have another of those delicious chocolates?”
His wife smiles benevolently as she reaches into her handbag. But then suddenly, “Oops!” she cries as the confection falls from her grasp to the floor of the convertible.
“Oh, that’s all raght, Deah. Ah’ll get thaht.” Kennedy bends down to retrieve the chocolate as the commercial goes to black.
Dove. Chocolate. Dark.