"It's ok, I know the owners." "I AM THE OWNER, YOU MORON!"

[Erika]

*Originally posted by Zette *
One more word of advice: I think we could have used a fantasy in the OP (original post) describing your desire to carve out the guys eye with a melonballer. I think I would have enjoyed that.

Zette, you’re wonderful.

[puk]

*Originally posted by Slip Mahoney *
**Um, I was joking. I was pretending to be the guy. It was a joke.

I know stealing is against the law.

I was joking.

I will go away now. **

Well, I knew you where joking all along, and I thought it was funny.

so there!

[BoBettie]

::Zette gets our her melonballer and prepares for Thanksgiving dinner at her house.::

“First person to spill on my carpet gets it! One dinner roll per person, Goddamnit! Who dripped this gravy? YOU???”

The scary part is, I would have no problem at all actually saying “I’ll take out your fucking eye with this melonballer if you don’t put that wine down and get the fuck out of my house”. On a bad PMS day, I might just attempt it.

Happy Holidays to all!

Zette

[Yondan]

Zette, the SDMB’s very own answer to Martha Stewart. Don’t miss her upcoming debut home improvement and self defense book:

Are you lookin’ at me, pigfucker? – A handy guide to household utensils and eviscerations

[Big_Perm]

*Originally posted by tevya *
**Yikes! Reminds me of a party I had in college that got WAY out of hand. I went out to get some more beer. When I got back there was someone at the door charging people admission. He stuck out his hand and tried to charge me for entrance into my own party! **

Hehe… I had a similar experience just a couple years ago. Walk back into my own house and a random starts hassling me about walking into the house without paying. I am normally rather patient… but “pigfucker” started flying pretty quick that night.

BP

[Yondan]

simulpost!

and,

with every purchase of Zette’s new book, you get a FREE, double-bladed melonballer!

[Orbifold]

*Originally posted by Yondan *
**Zette, the SDMB’s very own answer to Martha Stewart. Don’t miss her upcoming debut home improvement and self defense book:

Are you lookin’ at me, pigfucker? – A handy guide to household utensils and eviscerations **

I now have this wonderful mental image of a deranged Martha Stewart (or Zette) with a melonballer…

[Martha Stewart voice]
Because it’s a good thing…
[/Martha Stewart voice]

[JSexton]

*Originally posted by Rilchiam *

*Originally posted by JSexton *
**Just chiming in on this. You certainly can make a citizen’s arrest on a criminal charge. But it’s a hassle, and you’d better be able to justify it to the cops when they arrive. Minor theft, i.e., drinking a bottle of wine at a party, is not going to go over well. Trespassing, i.e., detaining someone while claiming that they wouldn’t leave when asked, is going to go over even more poorly.
**

I’ll remember that, Sexton, as, I hope, will others reading this. But Stephi said the guy left when the cops were merely threatened, not when they showed up. That often works. The kind of person who would do what this pigfucker[sup]TM[/sup] was doing is the kind of person who is allergic to cops.

Wholeheartedly agree. I ws just elaborating on the expected results of whta could happen if the bluff was called, so to speak.

I’ve heard, though I’ve never field-tested it, that if your party gets out of hand, you can clear it by enlisting a few other people to go outside with you and run back in, shrieking, “The cops are here! Run! The cops are here!” **

::makes notes:: Excellent.

Justin

[BoBettie]

*Originally posted by Yondan *
**Zette, the SDMB’s very own answer to Martha Stewart. Don’t miss her upcoming debut home improvement and self defense book:

Are you lookin’ at me, pigfucker? – A handy guide to household utensils and eviscerations **

I like it! I like it!

I’ll bet I could get the same publisher as Penn and Teller use to print it. I can practically taste the money flowing in like hot, slippery blood!

Zette

[drachillix]

*Originally posted by Stephi *
AND STOP SAYING YOU KNOW THE OWNER WHEN YOU REALLY DON’T, ESPECIALLY TO THE OWNER HERSELF, YOU FUCKING MORON!

This is an all time favorite for folk in the amusement park I work in. Usually its some guy who tried to sell them the latest in Mud Fencing[sup]tm[/sup] technology, who now thinks because he spoke to one of the owners he can violate a variety of park rules. The best case was when one of the managers we had was one of the owners sons.

Idiot: I am a close personal friend of the owner, if you don’t go away I will call him right now and arrange for you to lose your job.
Manager: How close of a friend?
Idiot: Close enogh to be invited over for his 4th of July BBQ
Manager: Really?
Idiot: Yes, so go away.
Manager: Hmm I don’t remember you being there.
Idiot: well probably since there were 50-60 people there you just missed me.
Manager: No, just my father, and mother, my two brothers, their wives, my wife and our respective children.
Idiot: Are you calling me a liar?!?!?
Manager: Yes, and you need to leave for being in violation of several park rules you were obviously aware of but chose to disregard.
Idiot: I don’t think so.
Manager: Do you understand that if management instructs you to leave and you refuse you can be considered to be tresspassing and placed under arrest by security.
Idiot: Go ahead and call the cops, I will not leave until Mr Owner tells me himself.

Manager steps back

Security supervisor steps forward, I remove cuffs from holster and allow to dangle obviously from my left hand.

SSup: Do you really want to make us embarrass you in front of your family?
Idiot: You have no right to arrest me.
SSup: One last time, leave the property or you will be arrested for tresspassing.
Idiot: I will leave, but only because I would hate to have to hurt you guys. I am a black belt in Blow Chow[sup]tm[/sup].
SSup: Uh huh, keep walking.
Idiot: You guys know you’re all going to get fired when I talk to Mr. Owner.
SSup: Uh huh, keep walking.

Luckily for Mrs Idiot they had brought multiple vehicles, we walked him out while she collected their belongings and left peacefully without coercion on her own.

We LOVE the idiots who demand special treatment because they know the owner. Especially since all “owner friend” benefits are handled via gift certificates given to the friend so there is no problem with processing since its an existing payment method.