I think it was: Who does Number 2 work for!?!?!
From the IMDB (it’s from the first AP film, BTW):
[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet.]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that’s it! You show that turd who’s boss.
Anyway, when I worked for a law firm, once a secretary ripped her headphones off of her head and gave a long and loud “Ewwwww!”
Turns out she was transcribing a letter her laywer boss had dictated for her.
When she heard the toilet flush on the tape, that’s when she ripped the headphones off of her head.
He was definitely feeling cheeky.
A friend of mine’s dad ab-so-lutely refuses to read on the toilet. No books or magazines. Nothing. Thinks its germy. He has walked into his two kids ( now in their late 30’s) sitting on the toilet (respectively) reading and ripped whatever it was they were reading out of their hands and *taken it outside to burn it. *
I wonder what he thinks about playing games on a PDA whilst pinching a log.
BTW, hysterical post.
WWEPD.
What Would Emily Post Do?
You do realize that you’ll never be able to re-sell that PDA.
It’s been flagged.
And now on to other Fart Related Hijacks
Mr. Ujest ( whom would kill me for telling this) suffers from Lactose intolerance, which means his poops after a cheesy food are …shall we say, explosive and very disgustingly stinky. ( I had 4 brothers, I know stinky bathrooms. Mr. Ujest could run them out of the john with tears in their eyes. He is a master.)
Anywhooo, once while looking for my husband at his office, I noticed the place eerily vacant. No one was around. Twilight Zone music was nearly cuing up in my mind. Then I heard the Office Manager in a rant on the phone with someone. she is about 4’11" and a Force To Be Reckond With.
When she is on a tear, the entire office’ anus puckers right up. You want her on your side.
So, I figure every guy in the place is hiding from her until the storm blows over.
Where ?
The mens’ john.
I peak in there and find every guy in the company standing around, leaning against a wall, sitting on the sinks. Reading newspapers. Quiet as death.
“What are you guys…”
“Shhhhh” says one of the higher ups. Like he has any authoritative pull to hang over my head.
I figured it out quickly, " Ohhhh, you’re hiding from the OM…ahhhh…Hey (insert name here)."
“Shhhhh” every guy pleaded with such a comical look that I stopped teasing them.
Then I noticed my hsuband was no where to be seen.
“Where’s Mr. Ujest?”
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! My husbands mating call.
Every guy winced.
" That ." I said after giving my husband a hello, " would be your punishment for being so pantywaisted."
Not long later every guy spilled out of the bathroom like rats deserting the ship.
“How in the hell do you stand it?” One asked me.
I grinned and lied, " Oh, he’s only allowed to shit at work."
I now return you to your regularly scheduled TMI thread.
Shirley, you just…stuck your head in the men’s room? :eek:
If I’d been in there, I’d have shrieked, jumped up on a sink and generally been totally mortified. Especially if I were actually, like, peeing or something.
Great story, Shirley! What a great thread!
Thank you, thank you!
And yes, I have no problems going into the men’s room. Especially since our 5 year old is now a man and wants to use the mens’ room by himself. Ick and double ick.
When he lingers too long my mind instantly thinks of urinal cakes and puddles on the floor and I go in, grab him, de-contaminate the youth and get out of there.
I would just like to say I used to read an entire newspaper in the bathroom until I learned today that it could cause hemorrhoids. Nasty, just a friendly warning.
I usually don’t worry about it, but I will go out of my way to fart loudly whenever some dunce is in there yakking away on his cell phone.
Serves 'em right, I figure.
(you ought to see their faces!)
This is one of the reasons why my PDA activity in the stall is restricted to some versions of Solitaire, never Freecell, and never, ever Chess. I find both Freecell and Chess take too much focus away from the business at, well, not hand, but the business being transacted. Besides, my legs fall asleep after sitting on the toilet too long.
:eek:
How, exactly, do you see their faces?
Oh, please. It may not be Cottonelle, but it’s not THAT rough.
It’s usually when we’re both standing at urinals whizzing away, and the other guy is usually talking loudly.
So I do my best to blast one out (and nothing else!), and if I’m successful, they usually turn wide-eyed at me while they’re saying “Oh… that was nothing- I just shut the car door” or something like that.
Want to know why we women are edgy all the time? Social decorum dictates we cannot emit bodily function noises in the company of others. Ever. That includes the bathroom. Any accidental noise is never acknowledged by others in the bathroom and the offendor then has to wait until all parties have exited the premises before slinking out of her stall.
Can you men imagine the stress of having to shit while making no noise and creating minimal stinkage? Trust me, it ain’t fun.
Yes, folks, we’ve liberated ourselves from corsets but we still can’t fart in a public bathroom. Next go around I’m coming back as a man.
Y’know, PunditLisa truer words have never been spoken.
My husband, a delicate, fragile knuckle dragging soul, is aghast when I let one rip anywhere but the privacy of the bathroom. 10 years of marriage and he is still offended by my walk-by toots and firm rebuttals over something he says.
Women are repressed farters.
Society is to blame.
I say, " Let 'er rip and relish it with glee." mustard too, if you got it.
Fuck, if I had to hold 'em in even in the bathroom, I’d explode.
I am woman, hear me roar.
And yes, I sweat, too.
[sub]And I wonder why I’m single…[/sub]
If I am in a public bathroom obeying nature’s call and I feel a fart coming on, I fart. And I’m a woman. That’s what a bathroom is for. I really don’t understand the ones (and I know there’s some on this board!) who refuse to poop in public at all. When I have to go, I go.
Unless it’s a porta-potty. I can’t stand the thought of staying in one of those for longer than it takes to pee.