What you should have said is “Some assholes talking shit behind your back.”
Well, PunditLisa, put this in your liberated hookah and smoke it:
I canNOT physically use a public restroom for…that reason…if anyone is in the room with me. I will sit there, pants around my ankles, holding everything back, little beads of sweat forming on my brow, hands (and sphincter) clenched. Waiting for whoever is still in there to leave. And, if someone walks in mid-poop, my ass shuts itself tighter that Jessica Simpson’s legs before the wedding. Damn the consequence of having to wipe for about 5 hours afterwards.
It’s just wired in my neurotic brain. And I have NEVER, despite once dating a girl for 4 years, EVER farted or pooed in their place of residence. I will hold it in, listening to my guts roiling, until I get in my car.
You poo in your car!
Wow, Superdude, that’s tough! But one of my exes was like that in public bathrooms, too. He was very sensitive about who else was in there and what he sounded like.
To invoke a child’s book title, Everybody Poops.
I was sitting in a stall one say when a rather overweight friend entered the stall next to mine. I’m guessing that his rotund posterior did a remarkably good job of sealing the top of the toilet bowl, because he let loose with a long fart that resonated very musically. Seriously - it sounded like a long, low note from a trombone. From yet another stall, a voice called out, “Hey, that was a good one, Earl!”
No apologies - Earl just said, “Well, I’ve been practicing…”
REM music begins playing
Sooomme Tiimes…
Everybody Poops
Sooomme Tiimes…
And Everybody Peeees…
Sooomme Tiimes…
Hey, you’re all right, whiterabbit. Frankly, I find that I am going to be the least embarassed doing something as normal and mundane as a bowel movement or flatulence around total fucking strangers.
[Emily Post] Women don’t sweat, dear. Women glisten. [/Emily Post]
Heh. That song has been going through my head all morning because of scout1222. I see I’m not the only one.
That’s what stalls are for – in my view, that means I’m not in front of strangers. YMMV. It’s a BATHROOM!
I didn’t say how dare you NOT poop in public, only that I don’t understand why some people are so hung up about it.
My girlfriend, when at work and has to go number two and expects some noise, will walk down four flights and to the other side of the building to use a bathroom “where nobody knows me.”
She’s also known to sit the the stall afterwards until everyone is out who might have heard anything.
I’m trying to get her to fart free. I sure do around her, but she kind of expects that of me now. I used to be able to blame the dog…
“Hmmm… Honey, when did we feed the dog sauerkraut?”
I read somewhere that in Japan women are so embarrassed about bodily noises that in public restrooms they have these devices that make noises to cover up farts and such. You push one button and it sounds like a cough another button sounds like the toilet flushing and so on. Good idea huh?
Superdude, you too suffer from shy bowel syndrome! I just assumed all men were immune from this since I have seen and heard about men and their utter lack of modesty in this regard. For instance, a dude at my work walks to the bathroom with a newspaper in his hand every day at 12:30. CAN YOU IMAGINE? My brother-in-law, after a particularly productive visit to the bano, has even dragged his friend to the bathroom, exclaming: “Pete. You have GOT to see the size of this.”
He’s right. It’s disgusting, and I would do the same.
The PDA would have to be disinfected.
Jaw. Drops. Lisa, I am a woman inside, or at least, I am like Superdude. I cannot deal with this whole bodily aspect in public. For those on the other side of the fence, I respect and honor you as human beings, and I hope you’d do the same for me, but we are very different.
The bathroom at work nearest me is on the ground floor, and open to the public. It is poorly cleaned, very cramped, and as busy as Grand Central Station. On those unwanted occasions when I must undergo the full bathroom experience (speaking quite euphemistically) I usually walk across campus to a nice, clean, quite, and most importantly, empty bathroom in another building.
I’m sorry, I can’t help it, it’s just the way I am. I demand equal rights for my people.
I am a woman, and I have no problems with fluffing in the stalls. However, when I was giving birth I…pushed a little too effectively, I guess. There I was, in hard labor, and my butt was producing the strangest sound I have ever heard. I was all redfaced and apologetic to the nurses and my family, but really, if there is one time in life you get a freebie…I should just be thankful I didn’t poop. My husband would have never let me live that down.
I wonder why germs float through the air and attach to a PDA, but not to clothes or skin:confused:
whiterabbit, to quote a friend from junior high, “Why do they call it a public bathroom? Once you’re in the stall it’s private.”
Holy cow, I thought I was the only one playing solitare on my PDA while doing my business!
Although yesterday I was playing Scrabble…very bad game for the bathroom. I spent more time playing than pooping.
BTW, is your PDA a pocket PC? Who makes freecell for your PDA?