It's the least a crazy neighbor can do

A friend of mine was regaling me with stories about the crazy couple who live down the street from him. Recently the wife was in their front yard yelling at guests when she ripped off her jacket, then her shirt. She continued to yell while standing in her front yard, topless.

My friend noted that the crazy neighbor looked pretty good, adding “it’s the least she can do for the neighborhood.”

So what’s the least your crazy neighbors do (or should do) for you?

My neighbors should call in complaints about problems. When we are the only ones who call about the lack of hot water they don’t take it as seriously as 30 units not having hot water.

My neighbors actually are incredibly nosy and will interrogate people hanging out on our stoop. That makes me feel better about the safety of our building.

We have some fundamentalist Christians across the street and, when we first moved in, their eldest kid came over to help us unpack one day. As a thank you, we paid him $20 and he left. Shortly thereafter, he came back and told us his father insisted he work longer to make the money to pay the tithes on his 20 bucks. We told him we didn’t have that short amount of work for him to do and we’d just give him the difference.

Well, the boy was afraid he’d get in trouble if that happened, so we gave him a scoop to clean out some kitty litter and the remaining money he was “owed.” He left again and then came back a third time for the tithe on that little bit. I coughed up another quarter and said if there was any more problems, the dad could talk to me. Fortunately, that was the end of that and of us having to deal with the family at all.

We used to have Mormons across the street and down a few houses from us; aside from letting their little dogs run into the street and get killed in front of my husband’s eyes, they were the most awesome neighbours. I was in the front yard weeding my beds one day, and a couple of them dressed in their evangelist best came by - they asked if they could help me weed, and I said something about getting their suits dirty, and their response (and I completely believed it) was that they’d gladly help me weed; suits can be replaced. They took an old couch off our hands, too, for some Mormon youngsters who were just starting out. If you have to have neighbours who are crazy for God, you could do worse than clean, quiet, helpful ones. :slight_smile:

We have one crazy neighbor we call Big Top, because she has some kind of ‘tent city’ built on her front patio/yard area. It started as one tarp to keep rain off the dirt & keep her dog from getting muddy, but it turned into multiple random sheets and bits of plastic sheeting that are connected by a spider-web of string and twine and rope which are stretched out and tied to the bushes and trees bordering her property. After she had that eyesore solidly in place, she started building ramps and platforms for her dog out of “found” wood remnants (two-by-fours, scraps of lattice, trim wood, plywood) that metamorphosed into some kind of crazy funhouse-style “doggie treehouse” that looks more like a championship game of Jenga than anything else.(Her dog has fallen out of this treehouse, it should be mentioned.) Other than that, she doesn’t bother anyone much.

Other than the terrible singing and the heavy-footed stompiness, we don’t have any crazy neighbours right now.

Someone I know (call her A), though, is dealing with a crazy neighbour/classmate (let’s go with B). They were friends, but sometime last year the crazy kicked in, and the classmate decided she didn’t like A or several other classmates either, and would get verbally abusive whenever someone looked at her, let alone started talking to her. A lives in the same row of houses as B, and a few weeks ago there were some break-ins and petty thefts along the row. A walked past B the next day and, in an effort to be helpful, simply said “There have been some break ins, remember to lock your doors!” or something to that effect (I wasn’t there). These were the first and only words A had spoken to B in months.

B replied “I know!” and stomped off into her house and slammed the door.

20 minutes later, A’s doorbell rings, and she finds two police officers at the door, because B called them claiming that A was harassing her! It’s a small quiet town, and police policy is to investigate any such claims, but the cops reassured A, letting her know that “we have a huge file on B. She called us last week because her neighbour was vacuuming too loudly, at 2pm on a Saturday!”

B has called the cops on several other students/classmates (many students in the same program live in the same row of houses), and has tried to spread vicious lies about A and others, and has now been reported to the school. Next infraction will likely result in her being suspended, because her paranoid rantings and calling the cops have reached an intolerable level.

I kind of feel bad for B. I don’t know her at all, but this sounds to me like the first signs of severe mental illness, and she’s only in her early 20s. I hope she gets help. Meanwhile, A has become friends with several of the police officers!

I am pretty sure my neighbors describe me as “the crazy neighbor”

This. :slight_smile:

But my drunken, stoned, and often loud portugese neighbours can stop having fights at 11 PM. Other than that, they’re OK.

That’s really weird. Assuming he was going to pay 10%, he would take $2 from the $20. No need to go earning that $2 extra, you just take it out and have $18 left. :dubious: You can pay tithing on any amount, why bug the neighbors about it?

My crazy neighbor was nice enough to plow our lawn last week. He went down his driveway and turned onto our lawn and plowed a 30 foot long path. When I asked him not to do it again, he asked me “Why not?”.

Everyone has a crazy neighbor.

So if none of your neighbors are crazy.

That’s right.

You’re it.

Uh oh.

Y’all with the batshit neighbors make me feel like a slacker, because the ‘crazy’ I have is nothing more that an old hippie that’s remade herself into a Martha Stewart wannabe.

At least she brings us exotic fruit and fabulous cookies.

Too late to edit: The idea of the Martha Stewart neighbor running around topless in public Is Not a Good Thing. Ain’t enough brain bleach to cover everyone living within a mile radius…

I’ve got the old man who edges his lawn with what I swear are scissors (or at least teeny-tiny hand trimmers), and uses his electric (plug-in) lawn mower to not only mow his yard, but also goes down at least two or three houses and mows all of their front yards. I’m assuming that the cord doesn’t go further else he might hit the house on the other end of the block, or maybe they keep their lawn cut short enough for his tastes. I’m also assuming he doesn’t mow across the street because perhaps he’s worried about getting the cord run over.

He also doesn’t recognize his neighbor across the street - no one really socializes much with each other here, but we don’t hide in the house either - and thus chastized the mailman for kissing “his girlfriend” out front of the house across the street and being scandalous in public. The mailman said, “I’m your neighbor who lives there, and that’s my wife” - yes, that was my husband, getting scowled at by this guy for having an affair with me. :smack: At the time, his route included our house and he would have lunch at home (this was OK by USPS rules), use the bathroom, etc; that particular day I happened to be walking out the front door to go to the store and gave him a kiss upon meeting him on the front walk.

I’m actually kind of worried about the hoarders. They have always been very friendly, and periodically opened up their garage and cleaned out some of the stuff so that it never went beyond there for more than an afternoon.

Now two of the seven Volvos are missing (the ones that didn’t work at all - I assume they were for “parts”.) and the stuff has started to pile up on the front porch. More worryingly (sp?), I haven’t seen them outside at all. I wish I knew them well enough to go knock on the door and check on them.

They are in the back room, buried under a 20 year accumulation of TV Guide.

My gf and I alternate between our houses. Each was purchased specifically because there are no near neighbors. No neighbors = good neighbors.

Well, the neighbor that one fine Sunday morning began screaming about the bugs all over his body and somebody come help Oh God somebody why won’t somebody do something about the bugs, at least helped me meet one or two other neighbors that I hadn’t met yet, as we waited for the police and then the ambulance to come for the poor, in this case actually crazy, guy.

Our next door neighbor is insane about his yard. This being Arizona, his yard is half grass, half rock. When he mows, he breaks out some kind of weird vacuum (NOT a blower) and sweeps the rocks. Unfortunately, he likes to do at 7 a.m. I understand not wanting to work in the hot sun and all, but that damn thing is loud.

He also apparently has some kind of Asperger’s type thing going on, doesn’t make eye contact EVER, goes off on incredible tangents and won’t come back, etc. On the whole, harmless but annoying.

I’m sure some of my neighbors think of me as the crazy neighbor. After all, it’s a pretty quiet upscale suburban neighborhood and I walk around with a pistol on my belt and a giant (to them) Italian mastiff on a leash every evening. I’m sure the Code Pink lady down the street and her friends think I’m some kind of skinhead or some such.