Seriously spider-dude, you brought the apocalypse down upon yourself.
Don’t bungee jump onto my head motherfucker.
Though I am proud I only uttered a “Meep!” as I threw him across the room and blugeoned him to death with a (rather cute) mary jane style patent leather pump
I find it very annoying that after a lifetime of listening to my mom freak out about tornadoes in New England, the ONE time I complain about it is the ONE time I end up in a basement while a tornado touches down on the highway that’s about a mile from my house (as the crow flies). That’s it. I’m never complaining about my mom being an alarmist again.
That’s pretty funny, congodwarf.
We had a couple of friends show up last Tuesday to hang out, in case a basement was needed. One of them was rolling his eyes and all about how stupid the other was being to have insisted on coming over. It’s Oklahoma, we can get a bit blasé about the twisters.
Changed his tune when one of those bastards popped up a few miles away headed right for us. Fortunately for us, it fell apart before it got here. Lotsa folks weren’t so lucky.
It’s June 1 and it’s 95 degrees outside. My pool is 89 delightful degrees, and after a quick martini and a naked dip after a long day’s work in my air-conditioned office… oh, wait… wrong thread. Sorry!
Back in the basement. Sigh. 
Well, I was taking a really nice nap until this foul mouthed moron sat down with her two young kids on the steps of our building’s back door, three floors below my open window.
I weep for your kids, you stupid piece of human filth. That little girl (probably 5 or 6) is way smarter than you and has a lot more class and dignity. I hope that spirit survives your alleged parenting skills and she runs far away from you the minute she is old enough.
Fuck you to the bitter older lady who got annoyed with me that I took the elevator up to the street from the subway level. It was extremely crowded, there wasn’t room for half the people waiting. Just because she’s older than me I’m supposed to take the stairs? Fuck you lady, I was carrying a 32lb package. I’m not walking up two flights when there’s an elevator!
I hate being part of the working poor. We make too much for “Affordable Housing”, too little for anyplace decent, and WAY to little to even get a loan on a fixer-upper.
I wish I had a time machine, to go back and kick myself for not getting a degree, any degree, 10 years ago. But honestly, if I had a time machine? I wouldn’t need a degree. Coloma pre-1849? Yes, thank you!
Dude, it’s your fucking birthday. Take a day off. Or use the flex points. Dude.
Joe
Everyone seems to hate phone menus, especially the voice activated ones. Fortunately, the standard seems to have developed that you can press the correct digit according to the sequence, instead of enunciating it verbally.
So they fixed that. But now it seems more and more, once I make my choice, I have to listen to the stupid blippity-boppity-blippity-boppity sound that’s supposed to sound like a “computer”. A computer, that is, that makes sounds no computer has made in forty years, outside of cheesy science fiction special effects.
Just a public safety reminder here, folks: If it’s so foggy that you have to turn on your windshield wipers to remove the moisture from your windshield, you should also turn on your GD MF headlights, you idiotic wastes of space! I know, I know, the lights don’t help you see farther down the road, but they sure as fuck help me see you before I turn into your path! And if you can’t remember to do that? Invest in a car with daytime running lights. And quit buying gray cars. (I’m sure it’s confirmation bias, but ISTM that the majority of cars that run lightless in rain/fog are gray, blue, or silver. Black cars forget headlights at night.
Also, slow down, hang up your goddamned phones, and get your heads out of your asses!
Stupid airlines, and stupid weather, and stupid no-available-gate having airports, and stupid unprepared no-jetway-ready regional carriers, and stupid rude-ass gate agents closing the door in our faces when it’s their damn fault that we didn’t make our connection in the first damn place, and stupid screwed up travel schedules making us lose a day and a half of our Disneyland vacation. We had to scramble to fit six days of vacation into 3½ days, and I never got my In-N-Out burger - cruel and unusual punishment! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!
In short: Damn you, airline. Damn you straight to hell. And screw you right in the ear while you’re at it.
I hate people who end posts with LOL.
ETA: I see what I did there. Um… it’s okay to do it if you follow it up with punctuation.
I get 365 newly hatched chicks shipped to the farm every week of the year.
If the chicks are handled properly, they all arrive alive. Doesn’t matter how hot is it is, doesn’t matter how cold it is.
However, if someone at FedEx or the post office is new and/or careless and they store the boxes against a wall or in a corner, the chicks suffocate.
I unpacked box after box of dead chicks this morning.
I want to puke right now.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that.
What the hell do you do with that many chicks?
If they’re dead you sell them cheep.
It would seem you need to join Southern Yankee in their swimming pool.
So I canceled my dentist appointment because of school. I stayed home and read the 2 chapters and took the quiz, finishing much earlier than I had planned which caused me to be annoyed with myself for canceling my appointment needlessly.
If I hadn’t canceled my appointment, I would have been on the road during the whole tornado mess instead of at home. My dogs would have been outside instead of in the basement. I would have had to also drive through raging thunderstorms to get my boyfriend from work in Rhode Island.
So, I guess it all worked out well in the end.
All cellphoning drivers must hang. This, after nearly being run down in a Fred Meyer parking lot yesterday. At least he saw me give him the fist shake. I’m pretty sure he could lip read what I was saying, also.
I drive a small silver car, and while most Canadian cars (including mine) come equipped with daytime running lights, I always turn my headlights on to decrease my driving in “stealth mode.” I agree with your rant, and will add driving into the sunset and sunrise to it - it’s much easier to see taillights than the back of a car in all that glare.
I posted about this in the cellphone thread the other day - we were making a left turn, or we might have been t-boned by a guy talking on his cellphone who just drove straight through a red light (we had green, he had red). I think he realized his error halfway through the intersection when he saw us driving through it - like, “Hey, if I have a green light, why is THAT car going? Oh, wait…”